Jan 13, 2012

List Love

So while I'm on a (temporary) break from work, I have worked up quite the list of 'projects' for myself and the house. No, I am not one of those uber-career types who create project plans for personal projects, but like many, many women I am more than fond of a List.

I have an A4 spiral notebook on the go which is filled with my Lists.

As a List is completed it gets torn out and thrown away. Much as this pains me from a Personal Archiving perspective, it is most satisfactory from a Getting Things Done And Moving On perspective.

So I had multiple lists for the girls’ birthday party and Christmas, which are all now done – which is just as well really as those dates have long passed. I had separate lists for gift planning, invitations, Santa gifts, party food and games, Christmas food, and online shopping orders (for tracking).


Here are my current lists. Because I’m assuming you are intensely interested and have a spare hour for light reading!


House Jobs: To Do

I have helpfully written at the top “Do one per day”. I have not been doing one per day.

§  Sort linen cupboard (Surely I already did this 4 years ago?). Necessary because my heart sinks a little every time I have to put towels away and I am doing that currently by shoving them in hard and slamming the door shut, or leaving clean towels on top of the washing machine instead. Very boring job however and easy to put off.

§  Sort kitchen pantry. Similar to above.


§  Create a list of pantry and fridge staples and ensure these are always kept in stock

§  Sort kitchen appliance cupboard. Since Juanita Phillips suggested in A Pressure Cooker Saved My Life to get rid of all appliances you don’t use every week, I added this to my list. I am tempted to chuck the sandwich press, the food processor and the V-Slicer for starters. I’ve had all these for years and have not used the sandwich press for at least 10, and have never used the other two.

§  Clean out sideboard – crammed with old crappy appliances that don’t fit in the appliance cupboard

§  Clean mould from the back of the crockery cabinet. I know, this shouldn’t even be on a list, I should just do it!

§  Sort and clear out the big white cabinet in my kitchen which is basically filled with crap

§  New curtains for girls’ rooms. Something cheap and cheerful and functional to replace the broken tracks and fugly things hanging there now (dark blue in A’s room but old and tatty; brown and yellow teddy bear and building block motif in M’s room. Came with the house)
§  Wall hooks for girls’ rooms. I've been searching but can't find any good ones? I just want plain white wooden hooks, say 3 or 4 on a frame. Why is this hard?
§  Get carpets steam cleaned. Scheduled for next week, hooray!
§  Get house sprayed for ants and spiders. We haven’t had to do this the last 2 summers, but we have ants again now, so it’s time. Scheduled for next week, hooray!

§  Front yard: pull out the dead lavender and diseased standard roses, and replace with simple rockery shrubs and ground cover. I tried to make a start on this last week but underestimated how much work it will be. OUCH. No progress so far.



House Jobs: Done

§  Clean mould from A’s bedroom
§  Change the window fastener on A’s window (was on the list for far too long – we have not been able to open her window for 3 years. Possibly partly to blame for mould issue).
§  New letterbox. This was to replace our old, snail-infested crumbling timber box with the lockable metal letterbox we purchased from Bunnings 18 months ago. Am pleased to report that husband completed this task last week, along with the window fastener. (That also only took 2 years of asking!)


Administration Jobs: To Do
I have helpfully written at the top “Do one per day”. I have not been doing one per day.

§  Renew my passport
§  Get passports for the girls
§  Book tickets for Greece (FINALLY, after years of intending to and never being able to save the money, it looks like we will be able to do this this year)
§  Review health insurance (GROOOAAAN)
§  Review superannuation (DOUBLE GROOOAAAN)

§  Put in outstanding Medicare claims (every time I remember this one I am shocked I haven’t done it. There’s money I haven’t collected?!)

§  Back up all photos and documents (half done)
§  Export/back up blog posts

§  Do some photo albums (massive, MASSIVE task. Put it this way: my girls are six and the baby album is only half done. I have completed 3 other photo albums since then but the majority of our photos are in my computer or on a hard drive or some CDs)





Administration Jobs: Done

§  Book cheap summer break – DONE – we go to Rosebud for 4 days very soon. Can’t wait!
§  Sort recipe book, and come up with a small rotation of meals that the kids will eat – DONE – I think (they’re at their most fussy at the moment – dinners have become a bit of a NIGHTMARE).

Recipe Folder: before

Recipe Folder: After.
Good enough for me

I have compiled my dinner list, and cooked the first one last night: steak, peas and chips. What's not to love right? THEY DIDN'T LIKE IT. But I stood my ground: nothing else was offered. They also stood their ground: nothing else was eaten. Never mind, they'll grow to like it.



Blog Posts – to write or finish drafts

§  In Defense of George Papandreou (about timing and cycles during political change)
§  What to Wear to Work When It’s Hot
§   Suburbia Superbia  (why the suburbs are great)
§   Division of Labour (response to a great post in a blog I read recently)
§  Elevator Etiquette
§  100 for 100 (100 things about me, for 100th blog post)
§  It Really IS The Economy, Stupid! (wide ranging and far reaching impacts of 2008 GFC)
§  Some Thoughts on Depression
§  The Soft Sciences and the Hard
§  You Are Not Fat: Advice to a Five Year Old Child (most of it is written – I am just finding it painful to deal with! I keep tearing up…)


So those are my current TO DO items.


As well as those I have my PROJECT or WISH LIST items, which are the things I would like to do if we had the money, and which I tell myself we are planning to do in future.



Wish List / Projects



§  Add an extension, which must comprise 2 more rooms with LOTS of cupboards, a proper laundry (to replace our current "Euro laundry" in the bathroom) and a second toilet. We are happy to give up half of our massive garage and the dead portion of backyard behind the garage to achieve this. I have no idea what it would cost and am afraid to find out.


§  Fix the rotting deck in the backyard (IDEALLY: rip out and replace with brand new decking and a new pergola cover. ACTUALLY: replace the worst rotted planks and posts and re-paint)

§  Get some gardeners to do a massive tidy-up of the front and back yards – it is beyond our expertise and psychological strength

§  Plant flowers and rockery shrubs everywhere, that are beautiful and hardy and require minimal work (ie none) to upkeep

§  Plant fruit trees – husband is very keen on this in particular. As he is Greek, they will go in the FRONT yard, natch

§   Replace rotting white picket fence with an iron railing fence (I love those) – something like this:
White tubular steel fence by InStyle Fencing


§  Get a screen door for the front door so we can leave the door open during the summer heat

§   Replace our two hand-me-down sofas with a new modular sofa in the loungeroom – something like this:
Modular sofa I like by Domayne. With kids
and a dog I don't want white, obviously

§  Get a cabinet maker to put in white floor to ceiling book shelves over two walls of our loungeroom, with cabinets for storage along the bottom and a space for the TV. Something like this - IN MY DREAMS:
Built-in library shelving
Image: Traditional Home via www.trianglehoneymoon.com



So those are my lists.
What about you? Do you use lists? What is on your to-do list now?

Jan 11, 2012

My Year in Tweets

Image: Tutzone.net
I don't really like it when people re-publish their favourite tweets on their blogs, but I can understand it. Because if you don't, all those beautiful, erudite, witty zingers just disappear forever, unless you're Charlie Sheen.

But Brendan Maclean did it, and he's cool and funny and stuff, so maybe it's OK.  Also, I have now been on Twitter for (almost) a year, so perhaps I should celebrate!

So here are my favourite tweets (of mine!) from my first year on Twitter. I think they show my outlook, beliefs and personality fairly well. Yes, today it's all about ME!

(Bloggers, narcissistic? Get outta here!)


5 Jan
I fear Jason Lee may not make another non-Chipmunk movie again.

14 December
I wonder what age I will finally stop getting a little bit depressed when the cafe waiter calls me "ma'am".

14 December
Yes I drive to work. And will continue until I move to a sustainable urban village where I can walk or bike to my well-paid local job!
[pet peeve alert!]

5 December
The loungeroom Michael Jackson tribute dance remains one of the great pleasures of family life

20 November
Never ceases to amaze me how many experts and how often, discount the mother's knowledge of her own kids.
[pet peeve alert!]

13 November
Few things make you feel so virtuous as watching your kids eat cut up fruit for afternoon tea.

9 November
I know it's stupid & wrong, but the new Delites ad with the man in the dress just made me laugh out loud.

3 November
How can I love Jon Faine and yet he can shit me to tears at the same time?

31 October
Would I be a crazy person if I started carrying around loo paper so I don't have to deal with the horrible stuff in shopping centre toilets?

5 October
Damn that thing that makes me scan the Fin Review while waiting for my coffee when I really want to pick up Who Best and Worst Dressed...

20 September
My five-year-olds told me someone in class used 'the F word'. Turns out it was 'fat'. Banned words at school are 'stupid' and 'fat'. Good!

18 September
I expect & don't mind photoshopping to remove wrinkles, whiten teeth etc. But so wrong to change body shapes for diet stories!

13 September
Opaque tights where your legs don't feel a breeze + flippy skirt + windy morning = panic

7 September
I hated PE as a kid and swore I would never foist it on my kids. Now here we are at Active After School. O the betrayal!
7 September
One of my 5yo girls has not been enjoying playing soccer. Just told her sister "Tell my mum I'm not a soccer girl."

5 September
When a war starts losing support we tend to get stories about how cool & professional & important the special forces are

25 August
God, if the NBN will stop YouTube buffering and allow me to watch a single clip on my YEAR OLD laptop, then I am all for it.

18 August
Are there any other atheists out there who send their kids to religious instruction? I'm not alone surely?

12 August
Can't decide if the beauty of cherry blossoms in winter makes up for the bunch of dead sticks they look like the other 50 weeks of the year

30 July
I'm not making this up: man in toy store telling 4yo girl clutching a Barbie: "It's your choice but these are not toys that I value."

22 July
My 5yo got a save-water shower timer from school. Her thoughts: "When it's finished you turn it over and then you can have a longer shower."

18 July
I like Eva Cox on faith vs belief in supernatural - right on. Lack of belief in a god doesn't mean lack of faith/awe/wonder/humanity

17 July
One of my favourite parts of being a mum is when I manage to fix a broken toy #itsherotime

22 June
(on asylum seekers):
Well said, fate is right. People who grow up in good circumstances have no clue how much of it all is LUCK.

14 June
When you're at home on a work day you're allowed to eat Nutella with a spoon from the jar.

7 June
(good things about having to get up very early for work):
The quietness and the solitude! Less traffic. Seeing the sunrise. A coffee at the kitchen table before everyone else gets up.

29 May
Some law makes husband come home just as kids asleep, evening jobs done and I sit down to watch a DVD. I'm happy to see him but, you know...


2 April
Fun with kids: taught them today 'That's my name, don't wear it out'. Regretting it already but so funny.

16 March
Except for this sentence, the truth is never at the extremes.

13 March
My five-year-old this morning: "I love raisin toast. Can you please pick out the sultanas?"

8 March
Can I ask that corporates and marketers stop making anything aimed at women pink or floral? We should be well past that even if ironic #IWD


3 March
Some men at work are well-intentioned but confused so here's some help: you don't have to stand back to let me walk in the elevator first.

3 March
Red car on Monash: you have to THANK people who hang back to let you change lanes. Civilization depends on it.

3 March
My five-year-old when I dragged out the ironing board: "What's that Mummy?"


11 February
Agree organic veg taste better & probably best but we can't feed 6 billion people on market gardens. Organic elitism makes me uncomfortable.


10 Februrary
Yay for govt schools. Ours supposedly not a good one yet feels good, has good facilities and the principal rocks! So all good!
(That principal was fairly new - he was fantastic but left last year  :-(  All still good at this stage, fingers crossed...)


8 February
It is not advisable to blog, tweet and make bechemel sauce at the same time. In case anyone else is tempted.


Here are just a few of my recent favourites from other people:







Best things about Twitter:
  • instant information and breaking news
  • conversations with interesting people
  • links to interesting stories from all over the world and beyond your usual reading sources
  • comedy - some very funny people post stuff that makes me laugh out loud often

Worst things about Twitter:
  • The race to be "first" - sometimes those breaking news items are wrong...
  • spats and feuds between people you follow.
  • major time sucker-upper. Too damn fun!

One thing I think is that you don't really "get" Twitter until you jump in and start doing it. So give it a go! Get on there, start tweeting and start following. You can follow me at https://twitter.com/JackieK_ and I will follow you back (if you're a real person and not a spam bot).

Have fun!

  

Jan 8, 2012

Twilight Responses

So I recently saw Twilight: Breaking Dawn (Part 1) at the movies.
Yes I did, OK? So go ahead, guffaw!

It was about what you'd expect. It was over-angsty, over-dramatic, over-long.
(They could have SOOOO easily fit that whole book into one movie, if you ask me).

But I can see why girls love these movies, as they are moody and romantic and they are very faithful to the feel of the books.

I'm not a huge Twilight fan, but I did really like the first movie, and the first 2 books.

So because I'm bored, here are the answers to the Twilight questions no one has ever asked me:


1. Yes, I liked the first two books. Yes, sue me: I liked them!

2. Because they were moody and evocative and very good at teen girl angst, isolation and obsession; I like teens and understand and remember those feelings. Also, I love that area of the States where the books are set - not Forks specifically, where I have never been, but Washington and its forests.

2. No, I could not get through the last two books, I didn't like them at all.

3. Jacob.



Cheers,
Jackie

One of Two: The Divine Miss M

While I'm on holiday and enjoying doing nothing, I am finding it a bit difficult to do two things: (1) sleep, and (2) blog. So as a quick "place holder" please find enclosed two quick posts celebrating an aspect I love in each of my kids.

I have twin girls, M and A, who are six most days, occasionally they are younger and increasingly (eeek!) they seem more like 10 or 12.

So this is the first of two posts today. This one is about M.


M has always had a strong sense of humour, and loves jokes and playing tricks. When she laughs it is a belly laugh that she cannot stop, and makes everyone else laugh too.
I love that she tries out new words and phrases as soon as she hears them - she inserts them in her everyday speech straightaway and nearly always gets them wrong to start with.

Here are some of my recent favourites:

This one's my favourite because it's cute AND accurate:

She can't say "porcupine".
Instead she calls this animal a "pointypine" or a "pokypine".









[Finishing a drawing:] "It's not really finished. Just needs a little bit more touch."
(one final touch)


"I hate going to the toilet. It's a rug."
(a drag)



She is very clumsy because she is fidgety and cannot sit still, often jumping around or standing or half-resting on something a bit precariously - so she hurts herself a lot.
This is how she describes pain, such as throbbing pain in her hand where she knocked it: "My hand is going blink blink blink."
I like this one!



On seeing this on TV:
"Look Mum! A twice-burger!"



Some days parenting is so much fun.






So that's a little bit about M.
The next post is about her sister A.

Two of Two: Artistic A

This is about my other daughter A.

She is (in my biased opinion) a great drawer. I'm not making out she is super talented or anything, but she loves to draw and I love her drawings.

She told me recently, "Mummy I think when I grow up I am probably going to be an artist."
Of course she most probably won't - but I love the fact she has thought of it.
Here is a selection of her recent oevre.
A and M watching Tangled at the movies (with popcorn)

paint pots

A in spa-a-a-ace

fairy


Take that you nasty pirate!

A and M at the playground

Pirate stuff

Halloween

Worm friends

She also sometimes calls herself Rosie and runs a cafe from her bedroom...
Though I have to warn you, the food is plastic and the service is not great!
(Boom-tish)


And her favourite cuddly toy Hannah Rabbit, goes to school (rabbit school) while A is at school, and sometimes gets a sticker for good works:



Oh to recapture the un-self-conscious imagination of kids!

Jan 2, 2012

Hello 2012

This image has been reblogged so often that the original credit
cannot be found - I've tried, even TinyEye couldn't help.
It was originally 2010-2011 and has been photoshopped to
update to 2011-2012. Thanks to whoever created it!

Just as I did last year, I have borrowed this meme from the erudite and entertaining Plastic Mancunian.

But as I’m a couple of days late writing this I’ve changed some of the questions slightly to reflect that.


1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?

We bought a dog, so my answer is “housetrained a puppy”. Hopefully that puppy lives a long long time because I don’t ever want to do that again.


2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Didn’t make any last year. Made some today *. They are:

1.   Exercise daily. In the words of George W Bush “I won’t negotiate with myself”. I started today: 10 minutes walking the dog (he’s a Pomeranian – he don’t need much) and 20 minutes brisk walking on the treadmill. It’s nowhere near my glory days, but for current couch potato status I’m happy with that. Now I just gotta do it again tomorrow, and the next day and the next day and the next…



2.   Take life slower. The last 2 years in particular were pretty stressful working full time and I have given myself permission this year to work part-time, for as long as I can get away with. I did some within-school-hours work contracting in December and man, it’s a totally different life. The pay’s not as good, but the pace is better and the nervous breakdowns are notably absent (at least so far).



3.   Spend more time with my husband – and be nicer to him too. I’m ashamed to admit this is one part of my life I neglect when busy and stressed. Which is crazy, because not only is he a wonderful guy, but he can always truly help me when I’m lost or crazy, whenever I remember to let him.



4.   Finish Shantaram. This thing has been on my bedside table/bookshelf for years. On paper it’s my kind of book. I loved it when I started it. For some reason I have never been able to finish it. Perhaps it’s the size – but then I devoured ‘A Suitable Boy’ in weeks which is a similar size. I think this thing is my Moby Dick. This is the one resolution I’m not confident of keeping. But it’s also the least important one, so just as well to have a silly one I can fail without guilt.
* Update: 6 days later I am doing well on items 1-3, but have not yet tackled 4 !

3. How did you spend New Year's Eve?

On the couch in my loungeroom. My favourite way to spend NYE, these days.


4. Did anyone close to you die?

Thankfully no.


5. What countries did you visit?

Same as last year – this one!


6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

Time. Part-time work.


7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Friday 11 November  - 11/11/11 – the day I finished work at my last employer after 11 years there. It felt great.


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

This is a bit embarrassing because it’s a work thing and not a personal thing. But I did a FANTASTIC job this year working with counterparts in our Singapore office planning and executing a complete migration of functions as part of the relocation of work offshore. There was a lot of planning involved, plus mentoring and cross-training, control, compliance, etc. It was a big job and we NAILED it.

I also mentored a couple of younger women at work in a way, and helped one of them along in her career which I am really proud of.


9. What was your biggest failure?

I guess I failed to progress at work, as I was made redundant.  But I am glad that happened as it is allowing me to make some changes I have wanted to make. There are complete and utter failures (which tend to be few if you look at things positively), and there are those failures which get you where you need to go, or open new doors. So I guess this was one of those. (Sarah Wilson’s New Year post sums up this kind of failure beautifully – you can read that here).

On the personal front: I tried and failed to teach one of my daughters to wind down, relax and sleep unassisted and before 10pm, consistently. Frustrating!

The other kid is a good sleeper and the usual routine serves her well.

But this kid… nothing doing.

Recently, I’ve found some other parents with similar problems and their kids are a similar type to Ms M – “spirited” kids who are somewhat hyper, fidgety, etc. I’ve just bought this book as the blurb described M to a T. Now if I can just get some alone time in the evenings I can even read it and find out what to do!!


10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Luckily no.


11. What was the best thing you bought?

Time off work.

My treadmill.

And my DVD sets of Man Vs Wild, Modern Family, Deadliest Catch and Flight of the Conchords!


12. Where did most of your money go?

Mortgage, parking and breakfasts or lunches while I was working.


13. What song will always remind you of 2011?

I know it actually came out 2010, but that’s got to be Taio Cruz Dynamite – it was the main song at the kids’ school musical and school disco and all the kids were so into it. We played it loud at their birthday party when we had 25 kids in the house and I’ve developed a bit of a fondness for it.




14. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Exercised.


15. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Worried. Eat chocolate. The usual.


16. What was your favourite TV program?

Really enjoyed At Home With Julia.

Impressed by The Slap.


17. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

No. I don’t hate anyone, even politicians.  


18. What was the best book you read?

What You Can Change and What You Can’t – Martin Seligman. Refreshing.

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother –Amy Chua. Not what I thought it was.

The Help- Kathryn Stockett. Masterful, wonderful writing and so clever.


 19. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Gotye – like everyone else.






20. What was your favourite film of this year?

Limitless; Tree of Life; Bridesmaids.


21. What did you do on your birthday?

Coffee and lunch out with husband and kids. ‘Twas loovely.


22. What kept you sane?

Knowing I was finishing up at work and would be able to make some changes I had been planning awhile.


23. Who did you miss?

Would have liked to have seen more of my sister at times; our kids are different ages so we’re living on different schedules at the moment.


24. Who was the most interesting new person you met?

Work-wise I spent more time with a great bunch of people in our Singapore office, which I loved doing. We’re now Facebook friends which is excellent.

Thanks to the girls starting school I made friends with another mother who has been so great to spend time with, even if most of it has been hanging round the school gate or at school functions. So that has also been great.


25. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:

I am going to try and say this without sounding bitter, because I am honestly not. But here is what I learned, or more accurately fully realised.
To succeed in a career or any endeavour, you have to give it 100%.
It doesn't matter how much you "work smarter not harder", how efficient you are or how much you achieve at work - you won't get as far as the guy with a wife at home looking after the kids, or the hard-working person without kids, because those people are able to be available more hours and more days than you are likely to be. If you want balance in your life or want to work reduced hours, flexible hours, or part time, you must accept this as a truth.
At the moment I'm OK with this.


Anyway that's it folks - Happy New Year and may you have the best of everything in 2012!

Dec 29, 2011

Gendered Toys, Lego and Pink

There has been a lot written lately about the way most toys are very strongly gendered so that they are either "for boys" or "for girls". Parents have long found this frustrating and have worried about the impact. If your little boy likes Dora, or your little girl likes Ben 10, tough luck - you cannot buy any "gender neutral" merchandise for these characters, whether it's toys, clothes or lunch boxes.


Lego Friends
This month Lego launched a range for girls, which has attracted some controversy. Lego's market research showed that girls' interests are beauty, community, design and friendship; girls like to play make-believe in an indoor-worldy setting, while hanging with friends and looking pretty. Hence the Lego Friends range to meet this "need". (In other words, Lego has found a way to make its toys look just like Strawberry Shortcake and other existing toys for girls).

Lego Friends - Stephanie's Outdoor Bakery.
Yay, we girls love baking!

As a mother of girls I can attest that yes indeedy, they do like these things. But whether this is "innate" or whether it is what has been fed to them since they were one, is an unknown thing. Like most mothers I think it is a bit of both.

We all know little boys who have enjoyed playing with dolls and girls who play with trucks and Lego; at a young age all kids play with everything. Sadly and perhaps (perhaps) inevitably, this tends to disappear around 3 years of age when kids tend to gravitate towards the toys "for" their gender.

So is this necessarily a bad thing? I'm not sure. Is it limiting? I have no doubt. Is it "natural" or inevitable? I think to some degree yes, but I've no doubt we exacerbate it.


Whose fault is it?

When I found out I was having girls I happily and excitedly bought up clothes and wraps and linen in loads of pink, lemon and mauve. Having never been fond of pink, I found myself buying up pink clothes and pink everything and loving it. If I was having boys, I would have happily and excitedly bought up everything blue and green. It's natural and fun to celebrate whatever gender your kids are in this way.  I always had other colours including blues, and the girls had toy cars, trucks, trains and blocks which were their favourite toys as toddlers.

Now the girls are six, they do strongly gravitate towards "girly" toys, and I do get annoyed at ads for whatever latest toys are marketed at them with emphasis on clothing design, beauty, "makeovers", baking, hanging out with pretty friends walking miniature dogs, etc. Because when they see these things, they do want them. And when they see things that are clearly aimed at boys, like Flick Tricks, Ben 10 stuff, or the rest, you can sense the peer pressure making them shy of expressing interest in these things, even if they are initially interested and even if I encourage it.

This works on boys too, of course. Squinkies look fun and exciting to all kids, but are "clearly" "for girls" - hence "Squinkies Boys" with motifs of skulls, garbage cans, ghouls etc. Hence too girls play with "dolls" while boys play with "action figures". (And why it's funny in Toy Story 3 when Ken is picked on for being "a girl's toy").

I am not too fond of Bratz dolls, but am not too bothered by Barbie. I loved Barbie when I was a kid (and Sindy - remember her?), and at least now you can buy Barbies in sporty swimsuits with flat-soled feet. Most of what I find distasteful in these toys is around the pushy marketing and the emphasis on playing with collections - a couple of dolls and a car/house/pool/camper are never enough!  I get a little sick of the saccharine emphasis on friendship and the kinds of girly fun that these toys all have together such as eating cakes, having sleepovers and doing makeovers. What's wrong with having an adventure, or saving people from danger, or travelling to other worlds?

When my girls play with their Barbies, they are always going to balls, going on dates with boyfriends, or occasionally attending musketeer school; all the scenarios come from TV shows or the Barbie movies they've watched (I know, I know - but please, have girls before you judge me!).  I have to admit I am shocked at how every TV show and movie for kids these days has "boyfriends and girlfriends", dating, or even marriage themes. Was it always this way?


Pink Stinks

In 2009 sisters Abi and Emma Moore started the "Pink Stinks" campaign, to protest the "pinkification" of little girls and offer more alternatives. Two years on it doesn't seem much has changed - yet. But there is definitely a feeling out there, that things are too limited for both boys and girls, and we don't want to go backwards after so many gains made in gender equality over the years.

Will the marketers catch on?


Interestingly, I have noticed that while little girls love everything pink around the ages of two to four, from the age of five or six they start to "move on" to other colours - usually via purple. (When I was a kid in school I remember it was from pink to baby blue). Thanks to school and peer pressure, my kids are now starting to reject pink as too "babyish" for them, at least in public. They'll still choose some pink things at home, but are more likely now to favour purple, tourquoise, white, blue or green.

Has the very saturation of pink created a self-limiting effect I wonder?
We can but hope.

Here are some of my favourite recent tweets on this subject:
(Apologies I have not yet worked out how to embed them prettily - will fix later if I can)



@tammois My girls are 6 and "moving on" from pink which they see as a little-girl colour; now love purple, blue & green. Yay!
@JackieK_ I was so grateful when my daughter moved on. She is now vocal that . :-)

    9yo girl: "Can you think of a good name for girls who don't want to be girly girls but aren't tomboys?"

    Kate @kateburge    
    @tammois The idea of Monopoly changed for girls with beauty salons and malls? Oh wow. Isn't that mental?
    I especially love this one - a good reminder that being diverse is normal, not "tomboyish" or strange:
    My daughter is perfectly conventional. Loves horses, dresses, hairclips, dogs, footy, cricket, utes, dinosaurs, pirates & Lego.

    What do YOU think?

    Dec 17, 2011

    20 Questions

    Hello, dear blog that I haven't posted on for many moons.
    I am sorry I haven't sat down and sorted through all the half-baked posts swirling round my head, various bits of paper and phone voice memos.

    It's Christmas - I'm busy!

    Meantime - this week I played 20 Questions with Dr Bron Harman at The Modern Family. Hop on over and take a look!

    http://drharmanmodernfamily.blogspot.com/2011/12/20-questions-with-jackie-katsianas.html

    Nov 17, 2011

    Why I have no interest in seeing "I Don't Know How She Does It"

    I Don't Know How She Does It is on at the movies.

    Sigh.

    While it should be kind of nice that our daily juggling act is the theme of a movie (though a mainstream movie would never be approving of "working mothers", would it?) this movie has, from what I am hearing, got it wrong.

    I'm sure the book was really really good and timely when it was published, and I know it is loved by many.  So if this includes you, or if you have seen the movie, please feel free to let me know if I have got any of this wrong.


    But I have no interest at all in seeing this movie.


    I normally try not to judge something without seeing it, but since I had kids I see, like, one cinema movie and one DVD movie every three or four months. And I've already seen The Eye of the Storm and Bridesmaids within the last 2 months. So I have to be choosy, and my movie quota has been filled for this quarter.


    Here is why I won't be seeing the movie:


    1. The idea is outdated. The book it is based on was published in 2002. Yup, back then everyone was wondering how on earth "those" women juggled working and parenting. Nine years later, more of us are working, more of us are juggling, and... it's no longer an oddity.

    2. It won't be complimentary of working mothers. Movies never are. If it was, I would have heard that, because it would be so unusual.

    3. It pitches just two extremes: high-flying careerist workaholics "versus" stay-at-home mums (because of course, it's a war between those two). Yes I know plenty of people live those lives, but more people don't. Aren't there many many other options in the middle? Full-time workers in simpler jobs? Workers with flexible hours? Shift workers? Part-time workers? Split and blended families? I suspect most mothers these days, and many fathers (hooray!) work differently during different stages of their kids' lives - sometimes working full-time, sometimes part-time, sometimes not doing paid work for a time - and changing hours and arrangements as they are able.

    4. The movie has a scene where the mother is asked whether her son likes broccoli and she doesn't know the answer. Please. First of all, I know the answer: he doesn't. Second, when I was working full-time and running myself ragged juggling stress and responsibility at work and also parenting my kids, I was still fully engaged with my kids and knew them backwards just as I do now. Yes, when you work full-time and someone else cares for your kids sometimes, you do outsource some child-rearing. But this myth that persists in pop culture, that this means you lose touch with your kids or don't know what they need, like or want - so, so untrue. So tedious. So nine years ago. Can't we move on?

    5. I have lost count of the number of times I have heard people who loved the book talk of the scene where the mother bashes store-bought pies or biscuits or some such with some implement or utensil late at night, to make them look home-made for the next day's bake sale. I get what this scene means - the time pressures, the added pressures to do 'home making' (and prove it to others) as well as working a demanding full-time job, the desire to still be a 'good' mother and provide the same things for your kids as the other mothers, etc etc etc. I get it. I see why that touched a chord. But I can't get past the image. Bashing store-bought pastries is never going to make them look home-made - they won't look anything other than bashed.

    6. The mother is 'saved' by giving up her career and devoting herself full-time to her family. I do get a bit sick of the idea that women with careers are not really happy or fulfilled. They're not usually - but neither is anyone else. And neither is giving up work a solution, in itself. Think back, people. 1950's, 60's, 70's - even 80's - vast histories of unhappiness and frustration are there for the remembering, if we ever get nostalgic for a "simpler" past. Of course it is wonderful to be able to "step off" for awhile, if resources permit. It is wonderful to be able to change your life if your life is making you unhappy. But neither are all mothers with paid work unhappy, and I get sick of pop culture (especially movies) pushing this barrow.

    So, that's it from me. I like Sarah Jessica Parker and will await her next movie instead.

    Meanwhile, here's a clip from I Don't Know How She Does It:

    Nov 6, 2011

    Some Reasons to Consider Full Time Work

    As some readers will know or can deduce, I am not always at ease with my position working full-time while raising young kids. There are times - not few - where I am deeply envious of mums who are working part-time or are at home full-time with their kids. And neither of those is a lay-back picnic either, I know - I have done them both.

    While I do believe in the value of paid work and what it gives women and families, I am also 100% understanding of and supportive of anyone who takes a different path, because managing a paid job while meeting all the requirements of children and parenthood without going crazy is very, very difficult.

    Most parents who "opt out" of paid work, or work part-time, have made a considered choice, are making considerable sacrifices to do so and work hard to manage their environment and expenses to enable them to do it. Most also are only able to do this for a short time, having to return to work or increase their hours once children are older or when circumstances change.

    But. Without negating all that, I think it is important for parents making these choices to consider financial and career long views carefully, and not be ashamed to factor these into their decisions.

    Our society rightly values childhood and the nurture of children - more in fact than it ever has. Overall society is gentler than it was even 10 or twenty years ago. Watch an old movie, read old news articles or books and it is clear that childhood was a much rougher experience at any time in our past. This is all good.

    But on the flipside, we value the nurturing of young children to the extent that parents now probably feel pressured to stay home full time and forget that part of raising a family is financial stability, building a future and all the daily nurturing that is needed throughout the children's whole lives. Most families can't afford for one parent to stay home full-time forever. If the years from 0-5 are deemed critical, for example, and one parent stays home for those years, what happens after that?

    Often at that point, that parent is "forced" to go back to work in a way that probably feels sudden and must be incredibly difficult and stressful, even if that parent might want to go back to work. And many many times, they must not want to. After all, do the kids stop needing you when they start school? When they start high school?

    I returned to work part-time when my twins were 8 months old, building up over a few months from 3 days to 4 days to 5 days (which is a good way to do it by the way - each time I added another day was hard but it was helpful to "ease" into work over that period). While I would have preferred to stay home longer, I also had it in mind that I wanted to preserve the option of scaling back later when they started school, as I have always thought that "kids need you when they're in school".

    Conversely a friend of a friend (who was the only person I have ever met who was openly judgemental to me), felt that the 0-5 years were "critical" and was planning to work full-time once her kids started school. I was stung that she said my working was "unusual" (it was not, but I still felt guilty so did not stand up to her to say so), but also felt vaguely smug myself - my little twins, happy and loving their 2, 3 or 5 days at daycare, and affectionate and well-adjusted at home, were "proof" that she was wrong - but I "knew" they would "need me" when they started school...

    Of course the truth is that kids always need their parents, and no one time in their lives is more critical than any other. So most parents need to find ways to nurture their kids while also holding down the work that is necessary for building a life for the family.

    With so much in the pop culture about "balancing" work and family, I often think of the majority of parents in this country and the world over who have no choice but to work. In countries like ours where it feels like you should have choices and control, I am sure that many waste a lot of time feeling anxiety, guilt, and anger that they cannot stay home, even while it is a minority who are able to do it these days.

    Michelle Griffin in The Age wrote an article this week called The Working Mother Myth, about this issue, and highlighting some of the things we don't consider often enough about full-time work. Some quick quotes from the article:

    "In the real world, very few women with children can afford to opt out of the rat race for the sake of their families...
    And the brutal truth is that even fewer should consider it...
    In our anxiety to support a mother's choice to stay at home, we haven't been frank about the consequences."

    These include reduced long-term income (you never catch up), reduced employability in future, reduced superannuation, and the widening pay gap between men and women.  Obviously this is not news, and obviously, raising kids involves sacrifices. Most parents are more than willing to sacrifice personal career achievements and higher salaries for the benefits of raising a family.

    But these are not trivial or unimportant things either - neither is this a question of "making sacrifices" versus being "selfish" or "greedy". Protecting your family's income and employability is not about "money", it's about stability and security, both of which are helpful for kids.  The fact is that these days both parents need to be nimble and employable throughout their lives, not only in the event of death or divorce of the breadwinning parent, but just to be able to change tack and cope as a family with whatever life, health and the economy sling at us over time.

    For this reason too, you can't weigh up one parent's salary against the cost of childcare, and conclude that "it isn't worth it". The true equation when looking long-term and factoring in the whole family salary, superannuation, taxes and family payments, impact on mortgage repayments, and investment in future work choices, is far more complex than that. Of course there are times in our working lives, where the weekly struggle and the costs incurred in time, expense and mental health may leave us feeling like "it's not worth it". In some cases it may not be. Clearly taking a break is better than having a nervous breakdown for instance. But it is also worth remembering that the years where we are raising young children tend to coincide with maximum mortgage, financial and career pressure - "the decade of stress" as Berndard Salt calls it in his book The Big Tilt. It is hard, but the worst of it is temporary.

    My comments here are not, in any way, "against" parents who stay home, work part-time, or take breaks from work. Hats off to all mums and dads, whether in paid work or not, all work hard, give their all for their kids, make sacrifices, and do great stuff every day. But we ought not automatically dismiss the benefits of full-time work, or assume it is the least best option.


    Your thoughts?  (Be kind!)

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