Also it has a picture of a spider. Just warning you!
Today was my day off work. I had planned to spend the school hours writing my short story and starting work on my online project management course. So, naturally, it was an easy decision to go to the shops and look for a book I had promised my mother.
Once at the shops I bought the book and then thought, Well hey, I've got all day ahead of me; I can stop and have a coffee.
I bought a newspaper and a coffee and sat and enjoyed them. Then I thought, Might as well drive round and give the book to Mum.
I got in my car and started the engine, and then a big grey spider scuttled up the passenger side window and across the windscreen, and up onto the roof.
When I say "a big grey spider", I mean it was one of these: a huntsman:
I'm not arachnophobic, but these guys make everyone a little arachnophobic, don't they?
This one wasn't huge but it was big enough, and hairy. I could see its eyes.
I checked the windows were all wound up tight, then thought, oh well, it'll blow off when I start driving.
I drove (fast) out of the carpark and onto the street, and it scuttled down the windscreen again and near my rearview mirror. I careened round corners, drove down straights at maximum speed limit and waited for the spider to fly off the windshield, to no avail. He buckled down and didn't budge.
I stopped at a mini mart, waited for a few seconds, then opened the door, jumped out, slammed the door and looked around wildly. No spider visible.
At the store I bought spider spray, and then I sprayed all around my car, inside every nook and especially all around the doorframes, rearview mirrors and where the windscreen meets the hood. I gingerly opened the door and sprayed everywhere inside until the car interior was cloudy and toxic. I waited but no spider appeared, so after a while I got back in and drove off.
I was almost at my mother's place when it scuttled into sight again and wrapped its legs around my rearview mirror.
Once again I stopped the car, leapt out and sprayed wildly, and still no spider appeared.
I drove to my mum's and didn't go in her driveway but parked on the street, because my mum IS arachnophobic.
By this stage I didn't know what to do, but Mum had a suggestion: go to a car wash!
I got back in the car - Mum waving goodbye and good luck from about ten feet away - and drove to the closest car wash where I didn't have to wash the car myself. That was in the underground carpark at Chadstone shopping centre, which is expensive but fortunately I'd just been paid and also I kind of didn't care.
At the car wash I did my usual check, open door, leap out and run routine, and explained to the guy: "I'll take the Gold wash thanks and there's a hunstman somewhere in the car, I'm really hoping you can get it out!"
His face visibly fell but he said unenthusiastically, "Oh okay sure."
I know it's not their job to get rid of pests in the car. I always clear out my rubbish before leaving my car to be washed, and sometimes I even wash it myself! So I'm not a dick, really. But I was hoping the car being washed would cause the spider to run out, and in my heart of hearts I was hoping the car wash guys would see it and step on it and produce its dead carcass for me when I got back.
I had an hour to kill at the shopping centre, so I mooched around a bit, then told myself I was "getting a good walk in", then thought, Oh well, I really should have some lunch.
So I went to a cafe and had an iced coffee and a burger. You know, because you've got to eat.
When my car was ready I asked the guy if they'd seen a spider and he said no.
I had bought more spray at the shops because I'd emptied the first can so I sprayed a little around the door frame, then opened the door and looked around. My car was lovely and shiny and smelled delicious and there was no spider in sight.
I drove home and no spider appeared.
I choose to believe it was driven out by the car washing, and is not hunkered down somewhere in the recesses of the inside of my car.
Twenty minutes after I got home it was time to get the kids from school.