You learn something new every day: refrigerated minced meat edition

I learned a couple of new things today.

Firstly, I learned that I am getting too old and wussy for scary movies.  I nearly had a heart attack throughout almost all of Jurassic World, and actually got quite emotionally terrified when a flock of escaped pterodactyls flew across the island toward the crowds of unsuspecting tourists. (I actually got a lump in my throat, and when the pterodactyls started to swoop I for real started shallow-breathing and almost squeezed out some tears. The children! The children! What would I do if I was herding my kids through a stampeding crowd chased by raptors and pterodactyls?? What would I do, dammit?! The horror, the horror....)

So that was number one. I can obviously no longer go and see scary movies, or even enjoyable adventure movies with predictable character arcs and what I am sure is deeply inaccurate science.

But: despite all that, Jurassic World is actually pretty good and I did (kind of?) enjoy it. I am just an emotional idiot.

The second thing I learned was that managing minced meat can be a whole lot easier than I ever knew. I was making bolognese sauce, and you know how once you've heated the oil and sautéed the onions and garlic, you get the beef mince out of its packet and drop it into the saucepan, and it's basically a big red cold brick that you have to sort of hack away at with your wooden spoon, if you don't want to tear it into chunks with your bare hands first? And it's actually quite hard work chopping it all up and mixing it and turning the pieces until it's all broken down and brown and starting to cook?

Well, it turns out you don't have to do that. Today I dropped my red brick of cold minced beef into my saucepan, then turned away momentarily to read a couple of pages of a book I am reading, then got lost in the book and completely forgot about my saucepan... until a faint cooking smell wafted over, and I hurried over to resume. Voila! My minced beef had all "melted" into the pot, broken down and almost all browned, and only needed a couple of easy stirs to get all mixed in and ready for cooking.

So there you go.

Cute Dino Pics

Why do we need stories that ask why do we need scary stories?

The feature article in the 'Life and Style' section of the paper today was this:

Be afraid.... The enduring power of ghost stories.

THE HAUNTING From ancient tales of mythical creatures to the unspeakable crimes of modern cinema, the ghost story holds us in thrall.In this spectral world where sorrow dwells, why are we unable to look away?

I love scary stories and I love anthropology, cultural history and mythology, so hooray, even though I think this topic has been well and truly covered. It's actually a promotion for new Australian film The Darkside, but still, I feel like this is the fifth article I have read in the last couple of years asking "why do people like scary stories?"

Do a Google search for "why do people like scary stories" and most of these articles will come up, along with a good bunch of blogs and forums answering the same question.

I don't actually think it's that mysterious, is it?  Stephen King answered the question in On Writing, and all these articles, blogs and forum posts answer it too.

People like (or are drawn to) scary stories because:

• they are cathartic, allowing us to feel and release pent-up tension and fear
• they help us manage our fears of the unknown and death
• they allow us to rehearse scary situations
• they provide the adrenaline rush of the 'fight or flight' response which we need to keep us safe
• this adrenaline rush, as a by-product, provides a thrill which is (kind of) pleasurable
• or, encapsulating all of these: as Older Single Mum commenting on this post of mine so succinctly said, they "still the mind".

New Scientist, in its recent Night issue, had a great article called The night: Things that go bump... which says the paralysing terror we feel at noises in the night (and during horror stories) is our animalistic fear of predation, of being hunted and eaten.  That gives me a shiver just re-reading it (and reminds me how horribly stressful the life of many animals must be).

So that's pretty well explained, from my point of view.

Do you believe in ghosts?

Kinda scary, kinda dull: that's my review in a nutshell of The Conjuring.

It has all the scary tropes:

• "based on a true story"
• big old scary creaky house acquired dirt cheap
• freaky doll 
• young girls
• drop sheets on furniture
• creepy-ass old toys
• dog won't enter house
• flapping sheets
• creaking rocking chairs
• creepy wind chime
• mirrors
• an exorcism

Yes, an EXORCISM. This is an old-school ghost story, weirdly old-fashioned. There is "an insult to the Trinity", upside-down crosses, crucifix necklaces, Latin incantations, and so on.  And after numerous horrific events and a family almost murdered, all it takes in the end to banish the demon is the order "by the power of God I command you to go back to Hell!"  Handy. Could have maybe used that earlier.

It is, however, very atmospheric, and that is three quarters of the success of a good horror movie.

It gets the look of the seventies right. There is lots of brown. There is wallpaper, long floral nighties, girls with long brown hair.

And it's presented as "based on a true story". Yes, sure. As true a story as "The Amityville Horror", I'd say.

The characters are all based on real people, and according to IMDB at least, both the paranormal investigator and the mother portrayed in the story confirm the events are "the real story of what happened to the Perrons during the 10-years they lived in the farmhouse". Wait, what? 10 years?? I think if ANY of the events portrayed in the movie had happened within the FIRST year of living there, you'd have sold up and moved out.

Photo: James Barker/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I have a nostalgic fondness for the paranormal, going back to when I used to believe in most of it as a kid. Telepathy, ESP, out-of-body experiences, divining the future, cryptozoology: I loved and believed in it all. I was undecided (but open-minded) on past lives and ghosts.

I was never sure about ghosts. 

I accepted that maybe ghosts could be real, and some of the beliefs around how and why made sense to me. But I could never quite get my head around some of the things that go with hauntings, such as:

• ghosts appearing in clothes or with accessories (how do the clothes and hats become ghostly?)
• ghosts only appearing with the aid of mirrors or whatnot
• ghosts being able to move objects
• ghostly voices being picked up by tape recorders but not human ears
• why do the lights have to be out during ghost-hunting sessions?

Most people have heard or experienced a "true" ghost story. I've seen people on TV shows tell true stories that clearly still freak them right out, and you can tell they are being honest and they really believe what they saw.  

My husband tells a story of a "ghost" he saw when he was young that his logical mind rejects but he can't explain what he saw.

I have a similar experience, though these days I do not for one single minute believe there was really a ghost.

I was working in a pub in London in the 90's, in an old building in Baker Street. Naturally, it had a resident ghost. I didn't believe in the ghost. I had two experiences with "the ghost", one of which is completely 100% explainable and one of which I can only explain by thinking I am mis-remembering it. Which I am sure that I am. 

The first experience was when I went down to the cellar to change a beer keg one time and I felt a distinct "presence". It was a sense of coldness that moved but seemed contained within itself, like an entity. It wasn't there every time; I only felt it once. It definitely felt like there was someone down there. It was a bit freaky but I know it was really just the way air drafts and temperature can vary in old buildings. Hence why so many of them come with ghost stories!

The second experience was much creepier, and more concrete. While working in the bar with one other person, three beer taps turned themselves on away from where we were both standing. Now that doesn't just happen, and I can still picture it in my mind.  At the time, it confused the hell out of me because I couldn't just dismiss it like I could the feeling in the cellar. But now, twenty years later, this memory doesn't bother me, as I know this event was probably one of these three things: (1) a customer flipped the taps as a prank (even though in my memory I watched them turn on by themselves); (2) the tap or taps were not turned off properly; (3) my memory is wrong and this just didn't happen.

Memory is completely fallible - see here.

There are explanations for all ghost stories - see here.  Naturally, none of these explanations is satisfactory if you really believe in ghosts. 

Our house makes some weird noises, especially at night. It can sometimes sound very clearly like someone is walking down the hallway. At times we have honestly thought one of our kids was out of bed. Neither Y. nor I have ever been freaked out by this (well ok, maybe once we semi freaked out for a second). We know there is no ghost. Our house is an early 70's brick veneer in a fairly new suburb. There has barely been time for anyone to die here. The house has had two owners before us and has a completely humdrum history. It is not built on an ancient burial ground. It does, however, have ducted heating in the floors and evaporative cooling in the ceiling, and it sits slightly crooked in places due to the floors needing re-stumping and an old tree root that has caused some shifting. These are the causes of the noises we occasionally hear - as much like walking people (or ghosts) as they sometimes sound.

My only other ghost "experience" is this. I have felt - definitely felt - a sort of "presence" after someone close has passed away. I felt it after my grandfather died, and my grandmother, and my aunt. It feels kind of like that person is "around" for a short time after their death, and is close to those who knew them. It feels like they can see and hear what is happening for a short time after they have died, before they "move on". 

I am sure this is a very common feeling. It seems to exist in all cultures, and it gives a lot of comfort to the loved ones of those passed.  I am sure this is in our heads - there is an inability to believe that a person so loved, so real and with so much life experience and history, has gone.  Whatever it is, it helps.

But anyway, despite that, these days I have no belief in ghosts. 

Do you?  

Any cool ghost stories to share? Tell me!

What makes little girls creepy?

I recently watched the pilot episode of The Walking Dead. Or I should say the first half, because I found it a little creepy and am not sure if I'll continue. (Hey AMC, I don't think this will be the show to replace Breaking Bad for me).

At the very first scene, you know things are going to be bad when you find yourself walking behind this silent, shuffling little girl:

You seriously don't want her to turn around, do you?


The Shining had the creepy ghost twins.  I was going to put a picture here, but honestly, I just don't want it on my blog. You can see it here if you want to get that sick thud heart-in-your throat reminder.

Poltergeist had that little girl's sing-song voice saying "They're heeeere!"

Dawn of the Dead: the daughter zombie right at the beginning

Firestarter: Drew Barrymore being not-so-cute

A Nightmare On Elm Street: the little girls playing skipping rope outside, and chanting "One two, Freddy's coming for you..."

The Others: a bit different in that the "ghost" was a little boy - but the scene with the little girl with the gauze over her head during the seance is the scariest bit in the whole thing

The Exorcist: Forget the head turning and the still-shocking swearing, I have one scene for you: young girl in nightgown scuttling down the stairs backwards. Good God, it still freaks me right out.

The Cabin in the Woods has a ghost girl in a classroom of Japanese schoolgirls, which is a creepy scene all round. It also has zombies, knife-wielding clowns, werewolves and a rabid unicorn - but is the scariest monster of them all perhaps the little twirling pink ballerina girl? (Yes).



And then there is the scariest of the lot.....

I used to love horror films. I kind of still do - sometimes. Then in 2002 I saw the scariest film I had ever seen in my life: The Ring.  Just as Stephen King's "It", many years ago, traumatized me for horror novels forever, The Ring cured me of horror movies for years. And yet, no longer enjoying them but unable to stop myself, I returned for The Grudge and Dark Water. This makes the terror trilogy of stringy-haired ghost girl movies that are so completely, utterly scary. They are scary because of the style and cinematography. They are scary because of the vengeful ghost who punishes completely innocent people (instead of misbehaving teens). But mostly, they are scary because the monster is a dead little girl with long dark hair!

Why are little girls so scary?
Or at least, what makes them a good trope for scariness?

I have two little girls. They are not in the least scary.  But I'm as freaked out as anyone by a scary dead girl-child in a horror movie. They are scary in a way that little boys are not scary. Why is that?

If you Google "scary movies with little girls" you get a lot of stuff. You get a million movies with scary little girls in them, you get a heap of "top ten lists of scary movies with little girls in them", and you get some theories and commentary on why little girls are scary (like here, here, here and here).


I'm guessing the same as most people, that little girls in scary movies are scary because they invert how we see little girls. We invest A LOT, culturally (or perhaps psychologically - maybe this crap is universally human) in seeing little girls as sweet and pure and passive. It freaks us right out when we suspect that maybe they are not all those things. If we lose control of our little girls, we lose control of women, sexuality, reproduction, society, the lot!


Or maybe we suspect little girls hold secrets, or we fear the power they'll have as they grow.


Here's a comment on a "why are little girls scary" thread on a gaming review message board:

"Damn, I could be playing Quake 4 and see giant monsters and not have any reaction at all but a little girl in the right situations creep the **** out of me."

People respond as above, about how we don't expect little girls to be dangerous and it's about subverting our expectations etc, but he replies:

"Its not like she even does anything scary…she just appears and scares the crap out of me."

Then there's this post:

I think that would scare me too.

What do you think? 

What's your favourite scary movie and why? (Competition)

Halloween is just around the corner, as any parent knows who is trying to find cheapo costumes the kids will accept and steeling themselves for the still-somewhat-excruciating-in-Australia business of Trick or Treating. 

I love Halloween. Halloween here is still new and most people are grumpy about it, but as a kid in the US Halloween was nothing but fun - because most of the grown-ups get into it too. (That Modern Family Halloween episode gives an idea).


And just in time for Halloween, online energy retailer Click Energy is running a competition called "Lose Your Fear of Bills".

Electricity bills are scary, definitely. And getting scarier.  So how would YOU (Victoria or Queensland resident aged 18 or over), like to win a year's supply of free electricity?  

Click Energy is offering one person the chance to break free from the fear of bills with a competition that gives a whole year's worth of totally free electricity to the winner. All you have to do is visit their Facebook competition page at http://www.facebook.com/clickenergy and tell them what your favourite scary movie is and why.

The competition ends November 5th, 2012, and is open to Victoria and Queensland residents aged 18 years or over.

Good luck!

Disclosure: This is, obviously, a "sponsored" post. But I am not receiving any payment, electricity, gift or other benefit for it. This is a bit of an experience/experiment for me. And I genuinely hope one of you lovely people wins a year's supply of electricity!