The last few years I've done a "Fairwell current year, here's what I did, here's what was good/bad" post on New Year'e Eve (where's the party, right). But this year of course Facebook has done that for us so no need! (joke)
Kate Takes 5 has done a nice 'fresh start' post at her blog, where she makes one simple resolution: identify what makes you happy, and resolve to do a little bit more of it.
Excellent idea, thought I.
The things that make me happy, but which I already do a lot of, are:
reading
hanging out with my kids, just talking, watching a movie together, etc
driving alone
I already do plenty of those, so that will continue.
The other things that make me happy, and which feed me, but which I don't do enough of, are:
This year I'm playing along with #12Resolutions on Twitter and Facebook. The idea is to set yourself short-term, achievable goals, one each month.
My resolution for January was to walk 5 times a week. It was very small, very easy, and that was the point. Any walk counted, whether it was 5 minutes or half an hour, slow or brisk. For the first time in .... I don't know how long... I actually stuck with a resolution! I now walk the dog every morning. Well, I should say ALMOST every morning; I have skipped a couple but basically he will not let me get away with it! Every morning now as soon as I sit up in bed - or even just pull back the blankets before I sit up - he hears me from outside, and starts barking and scraping on the back door. And then when I let him in, he leaps around and quivers and stares at my face until I say "Do you wanna go for a WALK?!" and he barks and jumps around like a lunatic until we go. He's a little dog, and we only walk for 20 minutes. But it does us both a heap of good. He's no longer an annoying idiot for the rest of the day, and I have a little more pep in my step as well. So: January's resolution is done, and will continue. Next up: February's resolution.
So, resolutions. I said I wouldn't make any this year (and then I more or less made one), but January always feels so new and optimistic that it is hard to resist.
So this year I'm playing along with #12Resolutions on Twitter and Facebook. The idea is to set yourself short-term, achievable goals, one each month.
My resolution for January is to walk 5 times a week.
That's it. Modest and achievable. When I walk the dog, that counts. If I do ten minutes on the treadmill, that counts. If I go for a short walk at lunchtime, that counts.
I can do this - easily.
I've already started.
I already have goals in mind for February and March, but none yet beyond that. I think this is how it's supposed to work. Setting and achieving modest goals kickstarts a change of attitude and new goals will present themselves.
1. What did you do in 2013 that you'd never done before? Achievement unlocked, my friends: the Carousel Birthday Cake! I measured and cut dowel sticks to 20cm. I twirled the ribbon around the dowels. I painted the little horses. I rolled and shaped the fondant. I made edible glue. I made a cake that looked as good as the one in the book and caused audible gasps of admiration. Nailed it!
2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Well, I wasn't sure, so I had to check back to what ludicrous and publicly declared resolutions I had set myself for 2013. So.... moving down the (very long?!) list, did I achieve them? Kind of; eventually; no; yes but taken up again since so no; no; no; no; YES; no; no; no; aaaand no.
So as for making any this year... maybe I'll try NO. 3. How will you be spending New Year's Eve?
At home, watching a movie with the kids and later watching House of Cards on DVD. I'm going to let my hair down and not fold ANY laundry.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully no. A lovely man I followed on Twitter passed away and I had a little sob at that, as he was a really good man from all accounts and from my online experience. He will be missed by many.
5. What countries did you visit?
Alas, none.
6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
Better physical fitness. If ONLY there was something I could do about it!
7. What date from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I guess the fact that I started trawling through my phone calendar for reminders means no date is really "etched" upon my memory. The only date that stands out is my kids' birthday party, which I held at home and which was a lot of fun. Memorable events this year: the last election, the Boston bombing, the royal baby, the chemical weapons attack in Syria.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Clearly, the Carousel birthday cake.
Also - it's a little thing, but I was very chuffed to get a tiny (I mean TINY) short-short story published. I've been working on three normal-length stories ever since but still not finished anything. Baby steps.
9. What was your biggest failure?
My physical fitness has declined hugely since a bad break last year, surgery and a sprained ankle this year each immobilized me for long enough to cause problems. This year (or the second half of it anyway) was supposed to be the year I got past that, built up my strength and started exercising regularly. I'm pretty disappointed in myself that I didn't do that. I've developed some bad habits and am feeling the effects now. It's definitely time to fix that. Looks like I have a new year's resolution after all.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I sprained my ankle in May which required crutches and physio to heal. I was sick with the great Melbourne hacking cough of winter 2013, which had me at half-strength for about 6 weeks. So was half of Melbourne.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
It wasn't me really but Y bought two cheap TVs, a small one for the kitchen cabinet and a bigger one for the bedroom, which sounds just terrible doesn't it? I always resisted TV in the bedroom (and I still don't use it; I fall asleep if I try and watch something in bed), but the one in the kitchen I've wanted for years. It means I can watch a TV show I'm interested in while the kids watch a DVD in the lounge, or the kids and I can watch cartoons on Saturday morning while we eat our breakfast.
12. Where did most of your money go?
Mortgage, food, the usual.
13. What song will always remind you of 2013?
Maybe Lorde's 'Royal'.
14. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Writing productively instead of just tweeting and blogging (much as I love and do value those things too).
15. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Reading internet stuff on my phone - fun but ultimately quite a big waste of time.
16. What was your favourite TV program?
Breaking Bad!
17. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No. I did find myself getting seriously teeth-grittingly annoyed at more people this year, many on Twitter and in newspapers and mostly over politics. 2013 marked the year politics in Australia went batshit crazy. But no hating.
From Chapter One:
"People have been living on earth for about 250,000 years. For the past 5,000, healers have been trying to heal the sick. For all but the past 200, they haven't been very good at it."
That sounds like it's going to be all gung-ho "conventional medicine rocks!" but it's not - it's a good, detailed, well-rounded look at alternative therapies and what works and what doesn't.
I love YA speculative fiction, and this was good. In a surprising twist, the image of this book is appearing twice but when I go into edit mode to try to remove the duplicate, I can't see the image at all - it is INVISIBLE....
19. What was your greatest musical discovery?
This guy:
20. What was your favourite film of this year?
I didn't see many this year; I think The Croods, About Time, Enough Said and Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2 are the only movies I saw. They were all good. Perhaps About Time was my favourite.
21. What did you do on your birthday?
Can't remember. Nothing remarkable. It was a nice day as I recall. I was very surprised to get this card - do they make one for absolutely every age??
22. What kept you sane?
Being busy.
23. Who did you miss?
The old me who was moderately fit and exercised regularly.
24. Who was the most interesting new person you met?
Man, this is the second year in a row I've drawn a blank on this one. I should socialise more (but I don't really want to!).
25. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.
I've suddenly realised I'm... middle-aged.... and life is going to require more effort from now on if I want to do good stuff and not waste my time.
How was your year? Surely more interesting than mine?!
I don't usually make new year's resolutions, other than vague ones like "lose weight", "exercise more" or "stop being such a grumpy depressed knob". None of these were very successful in the past, so I stopped resolutions some years ago.
But this year I've decided I want to achieve some things.
In my expert opinion, there are threefive reasons why most New Year's resolutions fail:
(1) They are too vague, or are wishes rather than goals - e.g., "lose weight"
(2) They are specific, but too hard or unrealistic - e.g., "exercise every day"
(3) They are big, sweeping things about an aspect of our personality we'd like to change - and that ain't gonna happen. E.g., "Be more patient."
(4) They set unrealistic expectations about how our minds and behavior work, aiming to do something every day which is really only supposed to be done sometimes. E.g., "Be grateful every day." "Practice mindfulness."
(5) They are what you think you should do but your heart's not really in it, or they're not what you truly think or want.
With that in mind, I am setting myself a few goals for this year. By the end of this year I will have either: (a) achieved them, (b) achieved some of them, or (c) deleted this blog post in embarrassment.
Stop buying cheap clothes without trying them on. They're not cheap if they're wrong.
Move off anti-depressants. I've changed my life a bit and no longer have the stressors I had before. I'm ready.
Be nicer to my husband (wow, can I do that and the previous one at the same time?!)
I've already started this one: quit Ice Breaks. They are evil and delicious and needlessly sweet and fattening.
Exercise every week. As a starter, get back on the treadmill if watching a DVD episode on the TV.
Keep the house tidy, at least so's I can have people round without panicking or dying of shame.
Iron the clothes that need ironing. Don't put off wearing them because I have to iron them.
Get something published. Anything. Anywhere. Maybe the article I already have an interview and notes done for, might be a logical start. Or the site that rejected my one attempt due to subject matter but told me they liked my style and invited me to submit more [which I never did, natch]
Get the roof and stumping checked out. If they need to be fixed, set a timeline and make a plan to do that. (I have a fear of the house slowly descending into a contender for 'Houses From Hell' through our general neglect).
Visit my cousin K who lives on the other side of the city - which we first talked of doing like, six years ago.
Visit my grandfather again in New South Wales.
Find a way to manage my need to have the alone time I need to recharge each day, without going nuts at my family to get it.
Yes, that's a long list, but they're all kind of related. In fact it's possible they represent one of those big sweeping personality change resolutions that's doomed to fail ("Be more disciplined!"). Ah well. It's worth a shot.
This image has been reblogged so often that the original credit cannot be found - I've tried, even TinyEye couldn't help. It was originally 2010-2011 and has been photoshopped to update to 2011-2012. Thanks to whoever created it!
But as I’m a couple of days late writing this I’ve changed some of the questions slightly to reflect that.
1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
We bought a dog, so my answer is “housetrained a puppy”. Hopefully that puppy lives a long long time because I don’t ever want to do that again.
2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Didn’t make any last year. Made some today *. They are:
1.Exercise daily. In the words of George W Bush “I won’t negotiate with myself”. I started today: 10 minutes walking the dog (he’s a Pomeranian – he don’t need much) and 20 minutes brisk walking on the treadmill. It’s nowhere near my glory days, but for current couch potato status I’m happy with that. Now I just gotta do it again tomorrow, and the next day and the next day and the next…
2.Take life slower. The last 2 years in particular were pretty stressful working full time and I have given myself permission this year to work part-time, for as long as I can get away with. I did some within-school-hours work contracting in December and man, it’s a totally different life. The pay’s not as good, but the pace is better and the nervous breakdowns are notably absent (at least so far).
3.Spend more time with my husband – and be nicer to him too. I’m ashamed to admit this is one part of my life I neglect when busy and stressed. Which is crazy, because not only is he a wonderful guy, but he can always truly help me when I’m lost or crazy, whenever I remember to let him.
4.Finish Shantaram. This thing has been on my bedside table/bookshelf for years. On paper it’s my kind of book. I loved it when I started it. For some reason I have never been able to finish it. Perhaps it’s the size – but then I devoured ‘A Suitable Boy’ in weeks which is a similar size. I think this thing is my Moby Dick. This is the one resolution I’m not confident of keeping. But it’s also the least important one, so just as well to have a silly one I can fail without guilt.
* Update: 6 days later I am doing well on items 1-3, but have not yet tackled 4 !
3. How did you spend New Year's Eve?
On the couch in my loungeroom. My favourite way to spend NYE, these days.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully no.
5. What countries did you visit?
Same as last year – this one!
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Time. Part-time work.
7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Friday 11 November- 11/11/11 – the day I finished work at my last employer after 11 years there. It felt great.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
This is a bit embarrassing because it’s a work thing and not a personal thing. But I did a FANTASTIC job this year working with counterparts in our Singapore office planning and executing a complete migration of functions as part of the relocation of work offshore. There was a lot of planning involved, plus mentoring and cross-training, control, compliance, etc. It was a big job and we NAILED it.
I also mentored a couple of younger women at work in a way, and helped one of them along in her career which I am really proud of.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I guess I failed to progress at work, as I was made redundant.But I am glad that happened as it is allowing me to make some changes I have wanted to make. There are complete and utter failures (which tend to be few if you look at things positively), and there are those failures which get you where you need to go, or open new doors. So I guess this was one of those. (Sarah Wilson’s New Year post sums up this kind of failure beautifully – you can read that here).
On the personal front: I tried and failed to teach one of my daughters to wind down, relax and sleep unassisted and before 10pm, consistently. Frustrating!
The other kid is a good sleeper and the usual routine serves her well.
But this kid… nothing doing.
Recently, I’ve found some other parents with similar problems and their kids are a similar type to Ms M – “spirited” kids who are somewhat hyper, fidgety, etc. I’ve just bought this book as the blurb described M to a T. Now if I can just get some alone time in the evenings I can even read it and find out what to do!!
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Luckily no.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Time off work.
My treadmill.
And my DVD sets of Man Vs Wild, Modern Family, Deadliest Catch and Flight of the Conchords!
12. Where did most of your money go?
Mortgage, parking and breakfasts or lunches while I was working.
13. What song will always remind you of 2011?
I know it actually came out 2010, but that’s got to be Taio Cruz Dynamite – it was the main song at the kids’ school musical and school disco and all the kids were so into it. We played it loud at their birthday party when we had 25 kids in the house and I’ve developed a bit of a fondness for it.
14. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Exercised.
15. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worried. Eat chocolate. The usual.
16. What was your favourite TV program?
Really enjoyed At Home With Julia.
Impressed by The Slap.
17. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No. I don’t hate anyone, even politicians.
18. What was the best book you read?
What You Can Change and What You Can’t – Martin Seligman. Refreshing.
Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother –Amy Chua. Not what I thought it was.
The Help- Kathryn Stockett. Masterful, wonderful writing and so clever.
19. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Gotye – like everyone else.
20. What was your favourite film of this year?
Limitless; Tree of Life; Bridesmaids.
21. What did you do on your birthday?
Coffee and lunch out with husband and kids. ‘Twas loovely.
22. What kept you sane?
Knowing I was finishing up at work and would be able to make some changes I had been planning awhile.
23. Who did you miss?
Would have liked to have seen more of my sister at times; our kids are different ages so we’re living on different schedules at the moment.
24. Who was the most interesting new person you met?
Work-wise I spent more time with a great bunch of people in our Singapore office, which I loved doing. We’re now Facebook friends which is excellent.
Thanks to the girls starting school I made friends with another mother who has been so great to spend time with, even if most of it has been hanging round the school gate or at school functions. So that has also been great.
25. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:
I am going to try and say this without sounding bitter, because I am honestly not. But here is what I learned, or more accurately fully realised.
To succeed in a career or any endeavour, you have to give it 100%.
It doesn't matter how much you "work smarter not harder", how efficient you are or how much you achieve at work - you won't get as far as the guy with a wife at home looking after the kids, or the hard-working person without kids, because those people are able to be available more hours and more days than you are likely to be. If you want balance in your life or want to work reduced hours, flexible hours, or part time, you must accept this as a truth.
At the moment I'm OK with this.
Anyway that's it folks - Happy New Year and may you have the best of everything in 2012!
