My house is a mess
It causes me stress
But not quite enough
To clean up, I confess.
I try, I do -
I know you do too -
But all I can manage
Is limit the zoo
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
May 9, 2017
Dec 27, 2016
Tech Life: Build, Test, Release Adventures
For the past year and a half I've been working for a small and smart financial software vendor, which I love. I'd been inching my way from financial services to "the other side" of the software fence for a few months before I made the change, and I thought at the time I had developed a solid understanding of technology vendor-ship and what that work would be like.
But of course, you only know so much until you get there.
But of course, you only know so much until you get there.
Nov 24, 2016
Illustrations of (My) Life
Hello, and welcome to another instalment in an ongoing occasional series I call Lazy Blog Posts.
As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words. Here are some photos which I thought were a pretty good short-cut to saying something about life. Or in some cases just my life.
So without further ado: photos!
As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words. Here are some photos which I thought were a pretty good short-cut to saying something about life. Or in some cases just my life.
So without further ado: photos!
Feb 18, 2016
How not to be annoying on Facebook
There are four kinds of people on Facebook:
So why can't everybody else manage this as effortlessly and gracefully as I do?
Ha ha. Do we all see ourselves, and Facebook, this way? I suspect we do.
This is quite funny - it's a little dated now as most people have by now self-corrected for the most annoying stuff that used to plague Facebook (I haven't seen a "vaguebook" status for awhile, or a humblebrag), but I'm sure we can all recognise our Facebook friends - and ourselves - in at least one of these: 7 ways to be annoying on Facebook.
And yes, I do actually enjoy reading what my friends are up to on Facebook!
* I might sometimes be guilty of mommyjacking. And unintentional one-upping when trying to express empathy. And using stupid immature words like "OMG". And sharing news stories that validate my personal viewpoint on something with a comment that basically means "I always knew this!" Other than that, I'm not annoying at all.
1. People who post happy braggy stuff about their kids, spouses or holidays, and kind of annoy everybody
2. People who post inspiring or melancholy quotes in script font on meadowy pictures, and kind of annoy everybody
3. People who post political rants and opinions, and kind of annoy everybody
4. People who post an engaging mix of news, articles, jokes, current events, personal life, family tidbits, occasional celebrations, completely on-point social observations, witty and relevant opinions and a bit of self deprecation, and who never annoy anyone at all, ever.I am obviously in the fourth category! I just know I'm never annoying to anybody, ever. *
So why can't everybody else manage this as effortlessly and gracefully as I do?
Ha ha. Do we all see ourselves, and Facebook, this way? I suspect we do.
This is quite funny - it's a little dated now as most people have by now self-corrected for the most annoying stuff that used to plague Facebook (I haven't seen a "vaguebook" status for awhile, or a humblebrag), but I'm sure we can all recognise our Facebook friends - and ourselves - in at least one of these: 7 ways to be annoying on Facebook.
And yes, I do actually enjoy reading what my friends are up to on Facebook!
* I might sometimes be guilty of mommyjacking. And unintentional one-upping when trying to express empathy. And using stupid immature words like "OMG". And sharing news stories that validate my personal viewpoint on something with a comment that basically means "I always knew this!" Other than that, I'm not annoying at all.
Feb 14, 2016
Minecraft Part 2: Getting Banned
Last week I wrote about Minecraft online gaming, known to non-parents as pvp (player vs player) - an arcane universe inhabited by ten-year-olds and their demonic alter-egos, where good times can turn to crap at the tap of a birchwood block.
At some point in their recent Minecraft career, my kids discovered the shock and horror of being BANNED.
At this point you may want to refresh yourself with the PvP glossary presented in Minecraft Part 1.
Being BANNED is worse than being KICKED. Being KICKED just means you've been kicked off the game (disconnected from the server), and you can get back in another time. Being BANNED means the Admin (owner/moderator) has BANNED you from the server, probably forever! (At least in most cases).
To cheer up my kid and out of curiosity, I googled "reasons for being banned in Minecraft" and the result is very funny. You can be banned for all sorts of reasons, from legitimate ones like griefing or trolling or killing other players, through minor infractions like speaking in all caps or asking for "OP" one too many times, to baffling ones that apparently involve saying or doing the wrong thing in front of the wrong Admin.
Most of the ones below came from this Minecraft forum thread. They made me chuckle.
Some reasons for being banned from a Minecraft PvP server
Upsetting an Admin
For being impatient
For unintentional destruction
For following your architectural dreams
For not obeying the laws of gravity
For being too badass
Because you peaked
For solving a game challenge too quickly
For asking an annoying question too many times - like once
For possibly being a Brony
For saying Hi
For wanton destruction
For committing two horrible crimes at once:
For unrepentant warmongering
For being American
For annoying the French
For being called Dylan
For swearing
For hate crimes against art
For inverting a Minecraft element to reference a pop culture trope
As a result of a complex battle which ended with mutual respect
For killing everyone and taking their stuff - actually this ban sounds pretty legit:
For inadvertently playing against someone's political beliefs
Just because
And perhaps saddest of all: FOR NO REASON
These cheered up my kids and gave me an entertaining evening's reading.
But I still don't quite know how to play Minecraft.
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| galaxybackground.com Wallpaper 15 |
Feb 7, 2016
Minecraft Part 1: What the hell are you talking about, kids
I thought I was a very tech savvy parent and secretly felt pretty smug about my preparedness for my kids to gradually enter the fray of online life. Then along came Minecraft.
I'll admit, gaming has been a bit of a black hole for me. What little I know about gaming I have gleaned from 9Gag and Gamergate (which, you know, both make gaming seem super awesome).
I am, however, a technophile and ambitious to know it all. I mean, I switched from an iPhone to a Samsung two years ago, so I'm like, pretty cutting edge.
Now that the kids have an Xbox, I fully intend to give up some Netflix time to learn how to steer the goddamn Need for Speed car down the middle of the highway instead of careening from barrier to barrier and getting stuck in reverse, and I am looking forward to trying a first-person shooter game to see how violent it makes me.
But commanding the Xbox controller is, like, hard. Why are kids immediately so dextrous at this stuff? I cannot get all my fingers plus my brain to work in unison. I cannot get my car or skateboarder to go more than a couple of metres without crashing. This is a good way to immediately feel like your own parents as your kids try and keep the laughter out of their voices while they show you how to use the technology. Karma.
Back to Minecraft...
The kids have long loved Minecraft and spend a borderline unhealthy amount of time glued to their screens building stuff and playing interactive games. And here's where I (also) got caught napping. I had no idea you could play Minecraft online.
When my kids started having run-ins with online etiquette and trolling, they came to me with complaints and lengthy descriptions of online interactions I could barely understand. And I thought I knew about online interactions! I was a bit shocked and had to have some quick tutorials from my ten year olds on what the hell they were talking about.
Here's the deal: you can join servers run by other people and build stuff in their world, or play battles or racing games where you are playing against, and interacting with, other players. This whole world is subject to a whole lot of arcane rules and etiquette the kids pick up fairly quickly, but is also obviously subject to the whims of the people running it.
There are also the usual dispiriting online spats between friends where someone gives some people access to a game but not others, or kicks one person out for bad behaviour but lets their best friend behave worse, etc. There are days when this seems to be happening all the time and I have to tell the kids to take a break from it and do something else, and sometimes they even listen to me.
The thing with online play is that your kids can be sitting calmly in the lounge room tooling around on their iPod and you can be sitting a metre away, and a whole world of turmoil can be going on where they show no sign and you have no idea.
For me (and I'm trying not to sound smug here, as I know I don't have this solved) the answer is to try and be involved enough to understand what's going on and be interested in the games and the online world so they will talk to me, and we can talk about the problems as they come up.
There are millions of kids playing Minecraft. Most Minecraft players these days are probably under 13, but there are a lot of adults too. My kids and I have talked a lot about this, what it means and what they need to keep in mind. We've had a couple of ugly moments, but for the most part, it's been fun and educational and the girls have been handing it well.
There are Minecraft glossaries and guides online you can Google if you want to know how redstone is used, or what a creeper or an Enderman is - this one is a good place to start - but they don't have the words my kids and their friends are using when they talk about interactive play.
Here are the Minecraft words I hear all the time and what they mean:
Seed - the code that Minecraft uses to generate terrain and content in worlds you create. There are online directories where people have shared good seeds or people pass them on through word of mouth. The reason these are valued is that without a good seed you have no idea where you will "spawn" to start your game: it could be awesome terrain, or it could be "a bland, uninspiring world full of flat grassland and the odd chicken" (that sounds familiar as that's what I got the one and only time I tried to play Minecraft on my own)
Server - any Minecraft player can set up a game on a Minecraft public server and others can join if they have the IP address of the server (which is passed around by word of mouth or found in the Minecraft public server directory)
Admin - person who runs the server, gives access to players and polices behaviour
OP - "give someone OP" - full access to all the available commands. The Admin as someone who is already OP gives OP status to other users. If you are given OP, it is generally bad form to give others OP without permission from the Admin.
Donate - Admins will sometimes ask players to donate money to the server, which is fair enough when it's a couple of dollars to help with the cost of an established game, but can be a bit rich if players are asked to donate as soon as they join, or if it's more than a couple of dollars, or if it's in return for getting a ban removed, etc.
PvP (player vs player) - term refers to interactive play with other online players, but my kids and their friends (in which case others they play with online as well) are using it as a noun to mean the server/game hosting the play, e.g. "I was on an awesome pvp yesterday but I updated my iPod and now I've lost it"
Grief (verb), Griefer (noun - person who griefs) - destroying things others have built, generally causing trouble in the game
Lag (verb) - perform moves that cause the game to lag - a major infraction that can get you banned. Eg flying.
Kick - to be "kicked" is to be kicked out. Not as bad as being banned because you can usually get back in, but it is done as a warning, or in a fit of pique
Ban - you can get banned for griefing, lagging, trolling, speaking in all caps, using annoying phrases like "lol" or "yolo" or... all sorts of things really! I will cover that in Minecraft Part 2...
I'll admit, gaming has been a bit of a black hole for me. What little I know about gaming I have gleaned from 9Gag and Gamergate (which, you know, both make gaming seem super awesome).
I am, however, a technophile and ambitious to know it all. I mean, I switched from an iPhone to a Samsung two years ago, so I'm like, pretty cutting edge.
Now that the kids have an Xbox, I fully intend to give up some Netflix time to learn how to steer the goddamn Need for Speed car down the middle of the highway instead of careening from barrier to barrier and getting stuck in reverse, and I am looking forward to trying a first-person shooter game to see how violent it makes me.
But commanding the Xbox controller is, like, hard. Why are kids immediately so dextrous at this stuff? I cannot get all my fingers plus my brain to work in unison. I cannot get my car or skateboarder to go more than a couple of metres without crashing. This is a good way to immediately feel like your own parents as your kids try and keep the laughter out of their voices while they show you how to use the technology. Karma.
Back to Minecraft...
The kids have long loved Minecraft and spend a borderline unhealthy amount of time glued to their screens building stuff and playing interactive games. And here's where I (also) got caught napping. I had no idea you could play Minecraft online.
When my kids started having run-ins with online etiquette and trolling, they came to me with complaints and lengthy descriptions of online interactions I could barely understand. And I thought I knew about online interactions! I was a bit shocked and had to have some quick tutorials from my ten year olds on what the hell they were talking about.
Here's the deal: you can join servers run by other people and build stuff in their world, or play battles or racing games where you are playing against, and interacting with, other players. This whole world is subject to a whole lot of arcane rules and etiquette the kids pick up fairly quickly, but is also obviously subject to the whims of the people running it.
There are also the usual dispiriting online spats between friends where someone gives some people access to a game but not others, or kicks one person out for bad behaviour but lets their best friend behave worse, etc. There are days when this seems to be happening all the time and I have to tell the kids to take a break from it and do something else, and sometimes they even listen to me.
The thing with online play is that your kids can be sitting calmly in the lounge room tooling around on their iPod and you can be sitting a metre away, and a whole world of turmoil can be going on where they show no sign and you have no idea.
For me (and I'm trying not to sound smug here, as I know I don't have this solved) the answer is to try and be involved enough to understand what's going on and be interested in the games and the online world so they will talk to me, and we can talk about the problems as they come up.
There are millions of kids playing Minecraft. Most Minecraft players these days are probably under 13, but there are a lot of adults too. My kids and I have talked a lot about this, what it means and what they need to keep in mind. We've had a couple of ugly moments, but for the most part, it's been fun and educational and the girls have been handing it well.
There are Minecraft glossaries and guides online you can Google if you want to know how redstone is used, or what a creeper or an Enderman is - this one is a good place to start - but they don't have the words my kids and their friends are using when they talk about interactive play.
Here are the Minecraft words I hear all the time and what they mean:
Minecraft online play words and meanings
Server - any Minecraft player can set up a game on a Minecraft public server and others can join if they have the IP address of the server (which is passed around by word of mouth or found in the Minecraft public server directory)
Admin - person who runs the server, gives access to players and polices behaviour
OP - "give someone OP" - full access to all the available commands. The Admin as someone who is already OP gives OP status to other users. If you are given OP, it is generally bad form to give others OP without permission from the Admin.
Donate - Admins will sometimes ask players to donate money to the server, which is fair enough when it's a couple of dollars to help with the cost of an established game, but can be a bit rich if players are asked to donate as soon as they join, or if it's more than a couple of dollars, or if it's in return for getting a ban removed, etc.
PvP (player vs player) - term refers to interactive play with other online players, but my kids and their friends (in which case others they play with online as well) are using it as a noun to mean the server/game hosting the play, e.g. "I was on an awesome pvp yesterday but I updated my iPod and now I've lost it"
Grief (verb), Griefer (noun - person who griefs) - destroying things others have built, generally causing trouble in the game
Lag (verb) - perform moves that cause the game to lag - a major infraction that can get you banned. Eg flying.
Kick - to be "kicked" is to be kicked out. Not as bad as being banned because you can usually get back in, but it is done as a warning, or in a fit of pique
Ban - you can get banned for griefing, lagging, trolling, speaking in all caps, using annoying phrases like "lol" or "yolo" or... all sorts of things really! I will cover that in Minecraft Part 2...
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| Wallpaper image by dkjjr at Minebook |
Aug 12, 2015
Best Twitter Accounts (at the moment)
I know not everyone likes Twitter, and lately I don't much like it either. It's all a bit exhausting. But there is still plenty of gold in Twitter. These are the accounts that are currently making me smile.
We Want Plates (@WeWantPlates)
Showcasing the worst of the restaurant craze for serving food and drink in silly things.
The photos make me LOL.
ManWhoHasItAll (@manwhohasitall)
So, so good. When you've spent a few years wrangling parenting and work AND dealing with the endless scream-worthy, useless, unfair and impossible "advice" in women's lifestyle articles, welcome to your soulmate, ManWhoHasItAll. Turning all the stupid "work-life balance" advice for women around as if it were written for men:
Spineless Wonders (@SpinelessWonder)
I love short stories, in particular of the speculative fiction type. And I love flash fiction - when it's good (which it often is not). All last month under the hashtag #MicroLitMonth, this account put up some really great short short fiction.
Like this one
The Conversation (@ConversationEDU)
Source of excellent articles which look at issues and ideas slightly differently, with the benefit of academic insight. The articles are a good length, striking just the right balance between Buzzfeed and Longform, and they publish them all under a Creative Commons license. Nice work, The Conversation.
God (@TheTweetOfGod)
The God we really need.
Daily Dose of Puppies (@TheDailyPuppy)
Cynical exploitation of internet-cute? Sure. But ADORABLE.
And my favourite tweet today:
We Want Plates (@WeWantPlates)
Showcasing the worst of the restaurant craze for serving food and drink in silly things.
The photos make me LOL.
"Behold, my twist on classic pie and mash."
"What's the twist, Chef?"
"Annoying dishes and no plate."
(Pic: @Coupey) pic.twitter.com/rMZsMs9NlG
— We Want Plates (@WeWantPlates) July 30, 2015
Mini picnic benches have been superseded by a new menace: the mini country stile. (Pic: @lone_smoggie) pic.twitter.com/l4kOSOETX4
— We Want Plates (@WeWantPlates) August 10, 2015
ManWhoHasItAll (@manwhohasitall)
So, so good. When you've spent a few years wrangling parenting and work AND dealing with the endless scream-worthy, useless, unfair and impossible "advice" in women's lifestyle articles, welcome to your soulmate, ManWhoHasItAll. Turning all the stupid "work-life balance" advice for women around as if it were written for men:
Working dad? 9 easy, breezy hair styles to get you out the door in no time.
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) August 11, 2015
BUY NOW! Dad's school year diary. Busy man's family organiser. Life book: designed especially for busy men. Dad's weekly planner.
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) August 11, 2015
1 almond. 3 broccolis. 2 yoghurts. Mix together and apply to face to draw out insecurities.
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) August 12, 2015
DADS! How do you manage childcare if you work anti-social or unpredictable hours?
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) August 11, 2015
If 30 minutes of 'me time' per day seems impossible, break up your 'me time' into mini-breaks of 1 and 2 minutes at a time.
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) July 20, 2015
Kids in bed? Wife back on the playstation? Time to kick off your shoes, have a full glass of water and light a scented candle. 'Me time'.
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) June 16, 2015
Father who works? Not enough time in the day? Well organised dads know the secret to having more time is staying hydrated during the day.
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) June 16, 2015
I could keep going. I have retweeted so many of these I've virtually stolen the account.Spineless Wonders (@SpinelessWonder)
I love short stories, in particular of the speculative fiction type. And I love flash fiction - when it's good (which it often is not). All last month under the hashtag #MicroLitMonth, this account put up some really great short short fiction.
Like this one
The Conversation (@ConversationEDU)
Source of excellent articles which look at issues and ideas slightly differently, with the benefit of academic insight. The articles are a good length, striking just the right balance between Buzzfeed and Longform, and they publish them all under a Creative Commons license. Nice work, The Conversation.
It’s an abuse of copyright to use it to stifle creativity – even the everyday, unglamorous kinds. https://t.co/jQtwErdLR2
— The Conversation A+C (@TC_culture) August 12, 2015
Explainer: what's really keeping young and first home buyers out of the housing market. http://t.co/RkbNi0XPVj
— The Conversation (@ConversationEDU) August 11, 2015
God (@TheTweetOfGod)
The God we really need.
Saying "guns don't kill people" is like saying "defibrillators don't save people".
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) July 16, 2015
Happy #CanadaDay to the world's Ned Flanders who shares a 3,000-mile border with Homer Simpson.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) July 1, 2015
"Lord, can I have a pony?" Sure. Just as soon as I get a prayer from a pony asking for a little girl with no clue how to take care of it.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) May 27, 2015
Daily Dose of Puppies (@TheDailyPuppy)
Cynical exploitation of internet-cute? Sure. But ADORABLE.
— DailyDose Of Puppies (@TheDaiIyPuppy) August 12, 2015
And my favourite tweet today:
Can't. Introverted.
— snowjob (@canadasandra) August 12, 2015
Mar 24, 2015
IMDB message boards (with movie spoilers)
One of the things I like to read on the internet is the message boards on IMDB. Sometimes there are very thoughtful and informative posts by serious film afficionados (who probably call themselves afficionados) which add something to my understanding of a film or TV series. Sometimes (wait, no, actually always) there are long diatribes about why the main female character is a selfish harridan who has horribly oppressed her poor male partner (ugh). And sometimes there are good questions and entertaining conversations between people with opposing views.
Here are some things I've watched recently and my favourite comments from the IMDB message boards.
This post has SPOILERS for all the movies included here, so read on forewarned!
Drag Me To Hell is a great horror-comedy about a loan officer whose hard-hearted business decision at work leads an old gypsy woman to curse her with three days of torment followed by being dragged to hell. Many of the message board discussions are around whether or not Christine deserved to be dragged to hell, for what she did, or the kind of person she is. Dragged to hell. For an eternity of pain and torment. I love the fact people think they can debate whether or not a person (any person?!) would deserve this.
[The old woman who curses Christine] is an evil b!tch, and the fact that she happens to be old, sick, and poor doesn't change that.
Christine is a vegetarian, which in my book earns her some points as a compassionate person. She kills her cat to try to appease the demon, hoping that she will be able to avoid spending eternity in Hell. I think that's totally understandable.
Why exactly did that old woman need a third extension on her mortgage? Isn't the whole point of being a gypsy means you're constantly on the move with no permanent roots?
In reply to an argument in a thread:
You are assuming that all demons behave the same way under all circumstances.
Also opens up a side discussion on the merits of banks and capitalism generally, and the fairness or not of loan extensions.
One user review opines that this show is good because of character development (hmm, arguable), which is "not usually a very big trait in the Zombie genre." Um, yes, that is true.
There is a question about why we don't see characters using bicycles more, which opened up a whole discussion about whether bikes or cars are better transport during a zombie apocalypse, including their merits with regard to fuel use, speed, dexterity, ability to use weapons while riding, conservation of fighting energy, etc.
There is a discussion about how strong zombies are, whether newly minted ones are stronger and then decay, or whether the virus has made them strong.
Here's a very good point too:
...inconsistency that allows a rag tag group with no training to survive yet had the military and police be wiped out in a week.
and this one:
Where are all the fat walkers? America is full of overweight folks. Stands to reason about 50% of the walkers we see should be heavy.
Not to mention the show takes place in the south so 70% of the walkers should be crisco filled fatties.
and:
Why aren't we seeing any child walkers?
LOL cos child actors suck at that!
As you'd expect, most of the message board comments focus on the real-life story:
Be honest, could you have done what he did?
NO I would have literally $hit myself within the first 10 minutes, I would have used all the water in few hours and slit my throat by second day lol.
Why didn't he wait for like a month and get super skinny? And just pull his arm out?
It would have rained eventually and he wouldnt have needed to cut the arm off.
In response to a serious post "don't actually drink your own urine, it's full of salt, etc":
Wow. Thanks for that great tip. I shall make sure I never drink my own p!ss. Good job I read this post.
Who knew?
OP - would it be OK to drink your own p!ss if you filter it first through, oh, I don't know, a sponge or a sock full of sand? You know, only if you were really really thirsty and miles from home?
How could he drink that puddle water at the end?
am i the only one...
i guess not being familiar with mr. ralston's back story, i found the unexpected display of foolhardy stupidy.. er, bravado, totally devoid of anything i could have empathized with or relate to on a human level..
worse yet, after the movie was over, all i kept thinking about is that he deserved it..
in fact, halfway through it, i had completely lost interest and kept openly rooting for him to cut his arm off and put himself and the audience out of our collective misery..
Internet comment forums are well known for compassion.
Another pretty good movie. Kudos for taking a different tack to start off the franchise anew, and like all good science fiction, starting with something that is controversial now (vaccines, animal testing). Here's something in it I hadn't noticed:
I just saw this movie yesterday and there was one detail I started to notice after about an hour. None of the apes seemed to have genitals. You can clearly see that during some frontal shots. I looked it up on the internet and it seems I'm not the only one to complain about this.
Some good responses:
Guess CGI penis is a bit too risque for a major studio like Fox.
Movies like this don't want nudity, they want to sell the tickets to the entire family if they can... it's not an art-house picture.
And an ethical discussion:
If a cure for cancer could only be found by animal testing....would you approve of it? I certainly would. I'm 110% against animal testing for cosmetics but for curing horrible illnesses and pandemics (such as AIDS), I think it's a necessary evil.
Cancer, yes.
HIV/AIDS, no.
???! Let's hope this guy isn't tasked with making actual ethical decisions ever.
But also:
A friend recommended this movie to me. Just want to check, is this movie ok for men to enjoy? Or is it more of a girls movie? (I ask because of the title)
(better not take the risk, dude!)
And a justifiable complaint here, as movies from this era had a cringingly awful habit of fetishising foreign places:
It would be nice if Hollywood people did some research about Colombia. I live in the capital city Bogota. Remember they had to take a funny bus to go to Bogota? well guess what, Bogota has an airport! We don't have monkeys on trees even if you travel from one city to another. Bogota is not some hot tropical city as they depict, it's average 13 celsius.
- followed by an argument between commenters over whether Colombia is tropical or not, whether it's dangerous or not, and finally one exhorting a commenter to get a Colombian girlfriend to do some research because American girls are all fat and awful.
This movie contains a visual trope I have since seen in many, many movies set in far-off places, which I've mentioned before: bus passengers carrying live chickens. It seems to be a Hollywood shorthand for 'poor country'.
Big Eyes is Tim Burton's latest film, the true story of artist Margaret Keane whose husband falsely took credit for her work and gained it international fame/notoriety (not everyone was a fan) in the 1950s-60s. I'm not a big Tim Burton fan but thankfully this film was Bonham-Carter/Depp free and I loved it. However the message boards asked two questions I had wondered myself:
How did Margaret get the money to fly to Hawaii and buy a house?
(not really explained... commenters assume they had cash stashed in the house but still doesn't really explain it... But apparently the real Margaret Keane left Walter for another man, which is not as cinematically dramatic as running for her life out of a burning studio, but would explain the cash question a bit better). But, you know, in movies women can't leave husbands for other men as it makes them unsympathetic.
Why does Margaret's daughter sit in the back seat of the car?
I mean this was the 1950s! Safety-conscious parents just made sure their kids weren't riding on the hood or the roof of the car, right? But following a long string between commenters back and forth about whether 1950s parents made kids sit in the back seat or not, and whether throwing your arm in front of your kid's chest will stop them flying through the windscreen in the event of a crash (it will not), the consensus is reached that it was done mainly for visual effect, which is fine by me.
The final post in the thread is by "tomisinthehouse" who says simply:
What a dumb question.
Well no it isn't, tomisinthehouse, because I had the same question and I am not dumb! So there.
Here are some things I've watched recently and my favourite comments from the IMDB message boards.
This post has SPOILERS for all the movies included here, so read on forewarned!
Drag Me To Hell
Drag Me To Hell is a great horror-comedy about a loan officer whose hard-hearted business decision at work leads an old gypsy woman to curse her with three days of torment followed by being dragged to hell. Many of the message board discussions are around whether or not Christine deserved to be dragged to hell, for what she did, or the kind of person she is. Dragged to hell. For an eternity of pain and torment. I love the fact people think they can debate whether or not a person (any person?!) would deserve this.
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| Fair use rationale of movie posters: ditto |
Christine is a vegetarian, which in my book earns her some points as a compassionate person. She kills her cat to try to appease the demon, hoping that she will be able to avoid spending eternity in Hell. I think that's totally understandable.
Why exactly did that old woman need a third extension on her mortgage? Isn't the whole point of being a gypsy means you're constantly on the move with no permanent roots?
In reply to an argument in a thread:
You are assuming that all demons behave the same way under all circumstances.
Also opens up a side discussion on the merits of banks and capitalism generally, and the fairness or not of loan extensions.
The Walking Dead
I'm not a huge fan of The Walking Dead. I found the first episode absolutely compelling, but it kind of seems to be the same thing over and over again, and it doesn't really seem to be going anywhere. I watched Seasons 1 and 2 and felt I had probably got the idea. But it's an interesting take on the zombie apocalypse and it's done the visuals and tropes a bit differently, so I still watch it occasionally.One user review opines that this show is good because of character development (hmm, arguable), which is "not usually a very big trait in the Zombie genre." Um, yes, that is true.
There is a question about why we don't see characters using bicycles more, which opened up a whole discussion about whether bikes or cars are better transport during a zombie apocalypse, including their merits with regard to fuel use, speed, dexterity, ability to use weapons while riding, conservation of fighting energy, etc.
There is a discussion about how strong zombies are, whether newly minted ones are stronger and then decay, or whether the virus has made them strong.
Here's a very good point too:
...inconsistency that allows a rag tag group with no training to survive yet had the military and police be wiped out in a week.
and this one:
Where are all the fat walkers? America is full of overweight folks. Stands to reason about 50% of the walkers we see should be heavy.
Not to mention the show takes place in the south so 70% of the walkers should be crisco filled fatties.
and:
Why aren't we seeing any child walkers?
LOL cos child actors suck at that!
127 Hours
127 Hours is the true story of Aron Ralston, who got trapped by a fallen boulder while hiking in the Utah desert, and after suffering for days without food and water, finally amputated his arm with a pocket blade, before rapelling down a cliff face and walking to find help. While it might not sound that entertaining, it's actually a pretty good movie. James Franco stars and is unbelievably good.As you'd expect, most of the message board comments focus on the real-life story:
NO I would have literally $hit myself within the first 10 minutes, I would have used all the water in few hours and slit my throat by second day lol.
Why didn't he wait for like a month and get super skinny? And just pull his arm out?
It would have rained eventually and he wouldnt have needed to cut the arm off.
In response to a serious post "don't actually drink your own urine, it's full of salt, etc":
Wow. Thanks for that great tip. I shall make sure I never drink my own p!ss. Good job I read this post.
OP - would it be OK to drink your own p!ss if you filter it first through, oh, I don't know, a sponge or a sock full of sand? You know, only if you were really really thirsty and miles from home?
How could he drink that puddle water at the end?
He had already drank his own pee at that point, I think some muddy water won't do him much harm.
am i the only one...
i guess not being familiar with mr. ralston's back story, i found the unexpected display of foolhardy stupidy.. er, bravado, totally devoid of anything i could have empathized with or relate to on a human level..
worse yet, after the movie was over, all i kept thinking about is that he deserved it..
in fact, halfway through it, i had completely lost interest and kept openly rooting for him to cut his arm off and put himself and the audience out of our collective misery..
Internet comment forums are well known for compassion.
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
I just saw this movie yesterday and there was one detail I started to notice after about an hour. None of the apes seemed to have genitals. You can clearly see that during some frontal shots. I looked it up on the internet and it seems I'm not the only one to complain about this.
Some good responses:
Guess CGI penis is a bit too risque for a major studio like Fox.
Movies like this don't want nudity, they want to sell the tickets to the entire family if they can... it's not an art-house picture.
And an ethical discussion:
If a cure for cancer could only be found by animal testing....would you approve of it? I certainly would. I'm 110% against animal testing for cosmetics but for curing horrible illnesses and pandemics (such as AIDS), I think it's a necessary evil.
Cancer, yes.
HIV/AIDS, no.
???! Let's hope this guy isn't tasked with making actual ethical decisions ever.
Romancing the Stone
My absolute favourite movie from the 80s, recently re-watched. There is some funny discussion on 1980's aesthetics, including synth pop music soundtracks, shoulder pads, curly hair and non-whitened Hollywood teeth.But also:
A friend recommended this movie to me. Just want to check, is this movie ok for men to enjoy? Or is it more of a girls movie? (I ask because of the title)
(better not take the risk, dude!)
And a justifiable complaint here, as movies from this era had a cringingly awful habit of fetishising foreign places:
It would be nice if Hollywood people did some research about Colombia. I live in the capital city Bogota. Remember they had to take a funny bus to go to Bogota? well guess what, Bogota has an airport! We don't have monkeys on trees even if you travel from one city to another. Bogota is not some hot tropical city as they depict, it's average 13 celsius.
- followed by an argument between commenters over whether Colombia is tropical or not, whether it's dangerous or not, and finally one exhorting a commenter to get a Colombian girlfriend to do some research because American girls are all fat and awful.
This movie contains a visual trope I have since seen in many, many movies set in far-off places, which I've mentioned before: bus passengers carrying live chickens. It seems to be a Hollywood shorthand for 'poor country'.
Big Eyes
Big Eyes is Tim Burton's latest film, the true story of artist Margaret Keane whose husband falsely took credit for her work and gained it international fame/notoriety (not everyone was a fan) in the 1950s-60s. I'm not a big Tim Burton fan but thankfully this film was Bonham-Carter/Depp free and I loved it. However the message boards asked two questions I had wondered myself:How did Margaret get the money to fly to Hawaii and buy a house?
(not really explained... commenters assume they had cash stashed in the house but still doesn't really explain it... But apparently the real Margaret Keane left Walter for another man, which is not as cinematically dramatic as running for her life out of a burning studio, but would explain the cash question a bit better). But, you know, in movies women can't leave husbands for other men as it makes them unsympathetic.
Why does Margaret's daughter sit in the back seat of the car?
I mean this was the 1950s! Safety-conscious parents just made sure their kids weren't riding on the hood or the roof of the car, right? But following a long string between commenters back and forth about whether 1950s parents made kids sit in the back seat or not, and whether throwing your arm in front of your kid's chest will stop them flying through the windscreen in the event of a crash (it will not), the consensus is reached that it was done mainly for visual effect, which is fine by me.
The final post in the thread is by "tomisinthehouse" who says simply:
What a dumb question.
Well no it isn't, tomisinthehouse, because I had the same question and I am not dumb! So there.
What's your favourite internet comment forum?
Feb 5, 2015
A Walk in the Woods is going to be a movie!
The reason I love this book is it has everything. It's a story of an unlikely adventure; of friendship; loyalty to friends and how friends can annoy and betray each other; endurance; changing plans and letting things go; overcoming obstacles; surprising yourself; and doing something hard and rewarding. It's also a love letter to the North American wilderness and to the simple side of life.
It's different to Bill Bryson's other books. I've enjoyed the others too, but this one has depth and meaning beyond the travel yarn premise, and it weaves in the history, ecology and cultural meaning of the North American wilderness as it goes.
In the book (and real life), Bill Bryson and his friend were in their mid-forties and unfit when they attempted to hike the Appalachian Trail. Personal growth, shock, tears and hilarity ensue.
In the movie, Robert Redford stars as Bryson (I bet Bill Bryson never imagined that while he was walking the trail), and Nick Nolte as his friend Stephen Katz. They are both a fair bit older than Bryson was, but the premise is the same.
Here is the trailer:
And apparently, the movie also has bears. Plus Kristen Schaal who I can only assume will be playing the strange and annoying hiker Mary-Ellen, because she would be perfect as her.
I plan to see this movie as soon as it comes out.
What's your favourite book to movie adaptation?
Aug 13, 2014
Robin Williams
Like everyone else, when I heard the news yesterday morning about the death of Robin Williams, I was shocked and upset. I was so shocked I exclaimed out loud, even though I was alone at the time.
Obviously the worst part is the loss of Robin Williams - to his family of course first and foremost, for whom it's a terrible tragedy, and to the world, for which it is a great loss and terribly sad. The next worst part is realising that someone who everyone loved so much was suffering so badly. Who wouldn't have wanted to help?
Of course depression is not like that. Robin Williams was open about his mental health struggles, he loved life and his children, and he did seek help during his life. There has been plenty of really good stuff written about the nature of depression and about Robin Williams this week, which covers all this ground and why depression is not "sadness", depression has little to do with how rich, famous or loved you are, and how it is cruel and ignorant to call suicide "selfish".
I've been amazed the last 2 days to realise not how many people loved Robin Williams (we knew that), but how many people have said he helped them or saved them, or changed their lives. When you look back on his career, it's no wonder. Has anyone else ever made so many films and TV shows, of such variety, and covering such territory? A colossal talent, he could do smart, funny, impersonations, slapstick, serious acting and famously, improvised comedy. He was in so much - and of such variety. He made films that held meaning for a lot of people: The World According to Garp, Dead Poets Society, Awakenings, Patch Adams, Good Morning Vietnam, The Fisher King, Good Will Hunting.
Last night I listened to Paul Verhoeven who was a guest on 774 ABC Radio, talk movingly about how Mrs Doubtfire, of all films, had saved him during an awful period of his teen years when he was being bullied and was on medication for depression.
Pandora wrote about how Dead Poets Society changed her. Numerous people on Facebook have commented similarly.
I grew up loving Robin Williams in Mork and Mindy.
As an adult I loved him in Aladdin (the harbinger of the new style of manic, very funny kids' movies that we know today), and in Dead Poets Society, Good Morning Vietnam and Good Will Hunting.
My kids know him from Hook, Flubber and Night at the Museum 2.
Here are a few of my favourite Robin Williams quotes from some of these shows (with thanks to IMDB for filling in the gaps in my memory on a couple of the longer ones).
Mork and Mindy:
"Mindy, your mail has more windows than a Holiday Inn!"
Aladdin:
[Genie to magic carpet]: Yo, Rugman! Haven't seen you in a few millennia. Give me some tassel.
[explaining the three wishes rules to Aladdin]: And ixnay on the wishing for more wishes.
Mrs Doubtfire:
Good Morning Vietnam:
[making fun of army jargon]: Excuse me, sir. Seeing as how the V.P. is such a V.I.P., shouldn't we keep the P.C. on the Q.T.? 'Cause if it leaks to the V.C. he could end up M.I.A., and then we'd all be put out in K.P.
[doing a weather report]: The weather out there today is hot and shitty with continued hot and shitty in the afternoon. Tomorrow a chance of continued crappy with a pissy weather front coming down from the north.
"It's hot. Damn hot! Real hot!" ... What do you think it's going to be like tonight? "It's gonna be hot and wet! That's nice if you're with a lady, but it ain't no good if you're in the jungle."
My family all still do "It's hot! Damn hot!" in a crazed fake American accent, at some point every summer.
As Russell Brand put it yesterday:
Obviously the worst part is the loss of Robin Williams - to his family of course first and foremost, for whom it's a terrible tragedy, and to the world, for which it is a great loss and terribly sad. The next worst part is realising that someone who everyone loved so much was suffering so badly. Who wouldn't have wanted to help?
Of course depression is not like that. Robin Williams was open about his mental health struggles, he loved life and his children, and he did seek help during his life. There has been plenty of really good stuff written about the nature of depression and about Robin Williams this week, which covers all this ground and why depression is not "sadness", depression has little to do with how rich, famous or loved you are, and how it is cruel and ignorant to call suicide "selfish".
I've been amazed the last 2 days to realise not how many people loved Robin Williams (we knew that), but how many people have said he helped them or saved them, or changed their lives. When you look back on his career, it's no wonder. Has anyone else ever made so many films and TV shows, of such variety, and covering such territory? A colossal talent, he could do smart, funny, impersonations, slapstick, serious acting and famously, improvised comedy. He was in so much - and of such variety. He made films that held meaning for a lot of people: The World According to Garp, Dead Poets Society, Awakenings, Patch Adams, Good Morning Vietnam, The Fisher King, Good Will Hunting.
Last night I listened to Paul Verhoeven who was a guest on 774 ABC Radio, talk movingly about how Mrs Doubtfire, of all films, had saved him during an awful period of his teen years when he was being bullied and was on medication for depression.
Pandora wrote about how Dead Poets Society changed her. Numerous people on Facebook have commented similarly.
I grew up loving Robin Williams in Mork and Mindy.
As an adult I loved him in Aladdin (the harbinger of the new style of manic, very funny kids' movies that we know today), and in Dead Poets Society, Good Morning Vietnam and Good Will Hunting.
My kids know him from Hook, Flubber and Night at the Museum 2.
Here are a few of my favourite Robin Williams quotes from some of these shows (with thanks to IMDB for filling in the gaps in my memory on a couple of the longer ones).
Mork and Mindy:
"Mindy, your mail has more windows than a Holiday Inn!"
Aladdin:
[Genie to magic carpet]: Yo, Rugman! Haven't seen you in a few millennia. Give me some tassel.
[explaining the three wishes rules to Aladdin]: And ixnay on the wishing for more wishes.
Mrs Doubtfire:
Mrs. Doubtfire: It was the drink that killed him.
Miranda: How awful. He was an alcoholic?
Mrs. Doubtfire: No, he was hit by a Guinness truck.
Good Morning Vietnam:
[making fun of army jargon]: Excuse me, sir. Seeing as how the V.P. is such a V.I.P., shouldn't we keep the P.C. on the Q.T.? 'Cause if it leaks to the V.C. he could end up M.I.A., and then we'd all be put out in K.P.
[doing a weather report]: The weather out there today is hot and shitty with continued hot and shitty in the afternoon. Tomorrow a chance of continued crappy with a pissy weather front coming down from the north.
"It's hot. Damn hot! Real hot!" ... What do you think it's going to be like tonight? "It's gonna be hot and wet! That's nice if you're with a lady, but it ain't no good if you're in the jungle."
My family all still do "It's hot! Damn hot!" in a crazed fake American accent, at some point every summer.
As Russell Brand put it yesterday:
Today Robin Williams is part of the sad narrative that we used to turn to him to disrupt.
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| Photo: Shameek/Flickr |
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