A Good Idea and a Happy New Year

The last few years I've done a "Fairwell current year, here's what I did, here's what was good/bad" post on New Year'e Eve (where's the party, right). But this year of course Facebook has done that for us so no need! (joke)

Kate Takes 5 has done a nice 'fresh start' post at her blog, where she makes one simple resolution: identify what makes you happy, and resolve to do a little bit more of it.

Excellent idea, thought I.

The things that make me happy, but which I already do a lot of, are:

• reading
• hanging out with my kids, just talking, watching a movie together, etc
• driving alone

I already do plenty of those, so that will continue.

The other things that make me happy, and which feed me, but which I don't do enough of, are:

• writing
• drawing
• enjoying art
• walking
• being outside

old Life Magazine photo from Barnorama

So those are the things I will strive to do a little bit more in 2015.  To make room for those things, I will have to:

• do better at sharing the mental and emotional work of parenting with the husband
• share the organisational and responsible aspects of domesticity with the husband, because that crap is exhausting and will deplete all your joy

I did enjoy my 12 Resolutions challenge last year, and who knows, that may pop up again - but I like this simple, new resolution a lot.

In the meantime, Happy New Year to you, and may your last evening of 2014 be lovely.

Happy New Year!

The Christmas Meme

My friend Pandora does at least one questionnaire meme on her blog a week, which is a good idea. It means she rarely goes a week without a post, and questionnaires on blogs are often a good read. We do love to read about each other's interests, opinions and foibles, don't we?

She has just done The Christmas Meme - which surprised me, knowing Pandora is not a HUGE Christmassy person... but a quick read reassured me that no, she hadn't had a commercial Christmas epiphany, and all was still right with the world.

I liked the questions, so I thought I would give it a go. Plus, obviously, it's a good day for a Christmas Meme post.

1. Do you send Christmas cards? 

Not any more. I stopped about three years ago. But I do feel a twinge of guilt for every card I get in the mail (which is not many - hardly anyone sends them anymore).
The Cranky Old Man has a good post about the slow demise of Christmas cards.


2. How soon do you start shopping?:

October for the kids, November for everyone else. I try to be done by mid-December. Try.

3. Who do you shop for?: 

My kids, husband and myself (our gift to each other - usually a token or something we need). My nephew and niece, and my cousins' kids. And a small gift like jellybeans or chocolates that the kids give their grandparents. Well, not "like". It is always jellybeans and chocolates.

4. Do you put up a Christmas tree?: 

Yes.

5. If so, is it fake or real?: 

Fake. I love the real ones, and I always vow to get one...next year.

6. Do you like tinsel?: 

I LOVE tinsel.

7. Do you use homemade or store bought ornaments?: 

Mostly store-bought, but with kids you naturally get a few homemade ones too. My mum still hangs the ones my sister and I made as kids on her tree.

8. Do you put Christmas lights outside your house?: 

I do! Nothing fancy, just some solar lights along the front garden path, and a string of lights hung from over the porch.

9. Do you put lights on the tree?: 

I do - but it took me a long time to come around to it, as I was always morbidly afraid of lights catching fire. I'm still a BIT afraid - I don't have the lights on very often or very long.

10. How about popcorn and cranberries?: 

No and I've never heard of doing that either.

11. Is there a wreath hanging on your door?: 

Mais oui.

13. Do you hang up your stocking?: 

No stockings for grown-ups.

14. Does your family read "Twas the night before Christmas?": 

Not as a tradition, but it gets recited sometimes. My kids prefer the Aussie version which I don't love, but whatever - it's all Christmas!

15. Christmas Movie?: 

There aren't really any Christmas movies that I love. I have to turn off Twitter when people start live-tweeting Love Actually. I remember finding Jingle All the Way very funny years ago, but I'm sure it is dated and unfunny now. As is Deck The Halls which we just watched last night.


16. Character from any Christmas Movie: 

Tom Hanks' conductor in The Polar Express.

17. Christmas Song: 

Silent Night is my favourite because it's so beautiful.
The Little Drummer Boy for the sense of shared community - it's naff but I've always loved it.
And for fun, The Twelve Days of Christmas.

18. Christmas Memory: 

Best ever: when we were kids we had a few Christmases at my grandparents down at Blairgowrie on the Mornington Peninsula, with our aunts and uncles and cousins, and it was just so much fun. We kids all slept in fold-out beds in the car port - it was perfectly secure, it had canvas sides and a zip-up door (!) - while our parents drank and talked and laughed till late.

On the alternate years, we drove up to the NSW Central Coast to stay with my other grandparents. Those Christmases were a bit more low key but I still have great memories of them as I loved my grandparents and their house, and the semi-rural idyllic spot they lived in (as it was then).

19. Give or Receive?: 

Give, of course.

22. Ham or Turkey?: 

We don't do turkey anymore but my Dad used to barbecue it over coals and it was fantastic. We still do ham, and I love thick slices of ham off the bone on toast for breakfast on Boxing Day, and every day thereafter until depleted.

24. White Lights or Colored Lights? 

Why not both?

25. Blinking Lights or Still Lights?:

Still, definitely still. A couple of times I've set my lights to blinking and felt like I was going to have a seizure. They make you very dizzy.

26. Were you Naughty or Nice this year?: 

I was not naughty, but I was not very nice. I was a bit crabby this year.

27. What do you want for Christmas this year?:

I wanted a Fitbit, but then I had a brainwave. The kids are getting bikes this year and they are cheaper than Fitbits. In January I'm going to get a bike each for me and Y. Looking forward to it.

28. When do you open your gifts?: 

Christmas morning.

29. What's the best gift you've ever gotten?: 

My bike when I was a kid. So exciting. Independence!

30. What's the worst gift you've ever gotten?: 

I can't recall. One of my aunts was eccentric and she used to give us weird things she picked up cheap from markets. Sometimes they were great - like one year when she gave me a little yellow transistor radio. Other years they weren't so great. I can't remember the gifts themselves, but I do remember opening something and thinking 'huh?' a couple of times.

31. Who gives you the most gifts?: 

Look, we cut out gifts for grown-ups in our extended family a few years back, and it was such a relief. We don't need anything, and we don't waste time, stress and money buying each other things we don't want. I am happy not receiving more than one or two gifts at Christmas these days.

32. Have you ever had a secret Santa?: 

We've done Kris Kringle at work in the past. It fell away a few years ago, and no one really wants it back I don't think.

33. Do you like wrapping gifts?: 

I do! I'm a very good gift wrapper. Give me any shaped item, I can do it!

34. Do you put change in those red buckets?:

I always have, but I admit since the institutional child abuse horrors have come to light there are certain organisations which I decided this year will never receive a penny from me again, so I have stopped dropping coins in certain red buckets (I know, that's depriving the needy based on my own outrage - I don't feel sure about it). But every year I give to The Smith Family and I buy a few toys or gifts for the Kmart Wishing Tree or the ABC Tree.

35. Do you burn a yule log?: 

Burn a what now?

36. Can you name all the reindeer?: 

Dasher, Dancer, Donna, Blitzen.... Prancer....

Rudolf!

37. Do you bake cookies?: 

Not for Christmas, but other times yes.

38. Have you ever seen your mommy kissing Santa Claus?: 

Nooooo.

39. Have you ever gotten a kiss under the mistletoe?: 

No mistletoe ever encountered.

41. Do you drive around and look at the Christmas lights?: 

Okay, yes we do. But only in our local area. We have a few houses here that do a LOT of lights. I can't get a good photo, unfortunately.

42. Have you ever left Santa cookies?: 

Right up until this year.

43. Have you ever sat on Santa's lap?: 

As a CHILD, yes.

44. Who do you celebrate Christmas with?: 

Family.

45. Where do you celebrate Christmas?: 

Usually lately it's been at my sister's house. As my brother-in-law is one of seven kids, he always hosts for his extended family, and they have included us all in that.

46. Have you ever had a white Christmas?: 

I've had one proper white Christmas in Boston as a teenager which was amazing. Every lovely White Christmas visual and experience, all come vividly to life. And we had snow in London on New Year's Eve once during my two years there. And... do the TWO times we got hail on Christmas Day here in Melbourne count?

2011

2006

2006

47. What part of Christmas do you look most forward to?: 

Meeting up with extended family in the evening. It's getting to be the only time I see my cousins, which is a pity.

48. Have you ever had your picture taken with Santa?: 

As a CHILD, yes.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Kevin Dooley/Flickr CC

12 Resolutions: July (and June recap)

This year I'm playing along with #12Resolutions on Twitter and Facebook. The idea is to set yourself short-term, achievable goals, one each month. 

For June my goal was to save money by taking the train to work 3 days a week, and bringing a packed lunch at least 3 days. (I work 4 days a week).

Well, I'm chalking this one up as a success. I didn't take the train 3 days - more like an average of 1.5 days out of 4. But that's 1.5 days more than I had been taking it before.  And lunch...well, I brought in a packed lunch EVERY DAY! How's that!

The benefits were as I expected: I did save a bit of money, and my days were moderately more active for the extra walking and standing that public transport forces on you.

The disadvantage of making and bringing lunch: virtually none. I had had cynical thoughts that it wouldn't be much cheaper by the time I bought extra sandwich stuff and snacks at the supermarket (not true - it's still cheaper) and I thought packing a lunch every night would be a major drag, based on the fact that I find making my kids' lunchboxes a drag. Not true - making my own lunch is much more interesting than making my kids', because as I do it I'm thinking "ooh yummy" and looking forward to each bit. 

The disadvantage of public transport is just as I remember it: the commute takes longer, and is more tiring. But hey, that's life. I can't afford to drive into work every day, so it's back to the rat race for me.

Tokyoform/Flickr

So, on to July.

This month I am concentrating on my emotions and reactions. 

Sometimes, I feel a bit like this:

mar.al/Flickr

And when I am overly-stretched, or tired, or I haven't been taking care of myself, my emotions can get the better of me and I can react badly - the whole time scratching my head and wondering why.

'Exploding Harbor' by Justin Gaurav Murgai /Flickr

At my age my  emotional states should not be a mystery to me. And when I slow down and really listen to myself and pay attention to what's going on, I can usually figure myself out. 

So this month I'm resolving to pay attention to my moods and feelings, and to take a moment to consider them, before I react.  I will keep my commitments manageable, know my limits and my needs, and NOTICE my feelings before they get to the stage where I am going to explode with rage or get all weepy and want to retire to a dark room and feel sorry for myself.

I don't do either of those things all the time, by the way. But I can get frustrated/angry/anxious too easily and can get better at managing myself, keeping things on an even keel so that stress, anxiety and over-reactions are at bay.

I think I know what I need to get this done. And I anticipate, as I go through this month and do all my noticing and listening to myself, that maybe other things will come up too.

So, this month should be interesting. I'm pretty psyched for this resolution. It's not as concrete or measurable as the others, so it doesn't let me slide in on statistics. This one is going to take some real work.

Oh, and I have a mini goal to add as well: Pandora has challenged me to complete a unit in my course, and she'll do the same. So, I'll work on that as well.

Here's to July (even if I'm a week late). Have a great month!



#12Resolutions:

January: walk 5 times a week (done - I now walk daily)
February: write 2 short stories (failed - wrote none!)
March: write 1 short story, and start Project Management course (done)
April: visit GP and complete or schedule the follow-ups (done)
May: complete one module of Project Management course (failed)
June: working day money savers: public transport and packed lunch (done)
July: pay attention to needs, moods and emotions to manage reactions 

Small Pleasures - the modern life version

I'm sure you don't need another same-old same-old list of the usual small pleasures in life - sand between the toes, sun on your back, first coffee of the morning, etc. So I thought I'd compile a list of some small pleasures that are (mostly) products of modern life.

Do any of these please you as well?

Simple pleasures: 2014 edition

• Changing lanes on the freeway into a curve, and catching that inside-track advantage
• Having your tweet re-tweeted
• Comments on your blog posts
• Realising when you 'touch off' that your Myki appears to have charged you less than it should (this only happened to me once and was probably my misunderstanding, but it felt good anyway)
• Choosing your own seats when booking cinema tickets online
• Coming home to find your spouse has unexpectedly cleaned up
• The short-lived pleasure of a child's tidy room
• Donating bags of good-quality clothes/shoes 
• When you manage to organise parents' days off for school holidays so your kids don't have to go to a holiday program
• When the dog doesn't have fleas
• Discovering that the newspaper is no longer including a Leunig calendar for free in the new year edition and you will only be lumbered with it if you buy it (which is not going to happen)
• The summer edition of the weekend newspaper which is half the weight and all the better for it
• Free parking
• A smile with your coffee from the barista
• Working from home 
• Being back in the office after working from home
• Finding a game in the App Store that lets you level up without timing out if you don't pimp it out on Facebook
• Finding a kids' game in the App Store that actually works and is not a scam for in-app purchases
• Reading books on the iPhone in bed - no bedside light required
• Night driving
• Making CDs for your kids by copying songs from iTunes or other CDs, which gives them hours of pleasure for your half-hour investment
• Finding a new blog or online magazine from a link in something else, that then becomes one of your new reads
• Blog communities: linking up or joining in memes and themes
• Effortlessly keeping up just the right amount of connectedness to acquaintances thanks to Facebook
• Finding Ipanema thongs (flip-flops) on sale
• An unexpectedly dark, clear night where thousands of stars and the Milky Way are visible from your front lawn

Anton Bader / Flickr

• Finding a head lice product that actually gets rid of head lice (Full Marks Head Lice Solution)
• Rediscovering museums, art galleries and libraries - places we used to go to and somehow don't very often, these days
• Quiet time in the morning before anyone else gets up
• Finding excellent e-books for less than $10

• Finishing an e-book and releasing it didn't contain any spelling or grammatical errors
• Taking a break from electronic reading and savouring the pleasure of a book, magazine or newspaper on paper

What are your modern life small pleasures?

The Antidote

I've just started reading The Antidote by Oliver Burkeman. Mr Burkeman writes a column for The Guardian called This Column Will Change Your Life, which is one of my favourite reads.

In one of those columns he recently said: "Happiness is reality minus expectations."

There's been a bit of resistance to the "pursuit of happiness"/positive thinking paradigms in recent years, with books such as The Happiness Trap reminding us that trying to be happy seldom makes us happy and studies demonstrating the value of pessimism.  Work-related articles on the internet are finally starting to look beyond the whole "follow your bliss" theme we've been fed for some time. The only self-help book that I like, Maurice Seligman's Learned Optimism, espouses realistic strategies using cognitive behavioural therapy to combat depression and anxiety, and rejects the more common positive affirmations and mantras that tend to irk people like me.

I'm less than halfway through The Antidote, but I like it a lot.


Here are some excerpts that grabbed me:

That we yearn for neat, book-sized solutions to the problem of being human is understandable, but strip away the packaging, and you'll find that the messages of such works are frequently banal.

There are good reasons to believe that the whole notion of 'seeking happiness' is flawed to begin with. For one thing, who says happiness is a valid goal in the first place? Religions have never placed much explicit emphasis on it, at least as far as this world is concerned,; philosophers have certainly not been unanimous in endorsing it, either. And any evolutionary psychologist will tell you that evolution has little interest in you being happy.

This last reminded me of what a psychologist told me, when I told her about the anxiety I felt every day when my children were little, terrified something bad would happen to them; how I couldn't watch them play in the park without visualizing them falling off things. I was not terrified all the time, and I didn't stop them doing normal things, but I would have these constant intrusive visualizations and then feel annoyed with myself, or anxious. While I expected her to counsel me on how not to worry, she told me instead that my worrying was what was keeping my children safe. "Your brain is not interested in keeping you relaxed or making you happy," she said. Once I accepted that this worrying was there to stay, I was able to accept it.


On positive thinking:

...once you have resolved to embrace the ideology of positive thinking, you will find a way to interpret virtually any eventuality as a justification for thinking positively. You need never spend any time considering how your actions might go wrong.

And when bad things happen ("and such things will happen"):

Trying to see things in an exclusively positive light is an attitude that requires constant, effortful replenishment. Should your efforts falter, or prove insufficient...you'll sink back down into - possibly deeper - gloom.  

On 'positive visualization' as a way to achieve goals (a la The Secret):

...focusing on the outcome you desire may actually sabotage your efforts to achieve it.

...as the brain "subconsciously [confuses] visualising success with having already achieved it."


On outcomes:

[W]e habitually act as if our control over the world were much greater than it really is. Even such personal matters as our health, our finances, and our reputations are ultimately beyond our control

I think when it comes down to it, almost every philosophy we espouse is a way of convincing ourselves we can control what happens to us. We can do some things of course, and there's no benefit in being totally pessimistic and defeatist - but so, so much of what happens to us is down to luck.

That's no justification for inaction, just a way of looking at things and not shrinking from the bad:

'The cucumber is bitter? Put it down,' Marcus [Aurelius] advises. 'There are brambles in the path? Step to one side. That is enough, without also asking: "How did these things come into the world at all?"'

Of course, these philosophies are all easy from our part of the world, and when we're talking about the usual gamut of everyday trials and losses.   There are few among us who cannot ask "WHY?" when bad things happen. But I'm not a person who can totally embrace "positive thinking" and the type of philosophy this book promotes is indeed, for me, a good antidote.

What do you think?

Pending Coffee

I just came across this and I think it is my new favourite thing:

I saw this meme and then googled it, and yep, it's real. See: http://raiseglobalservices.com/the-pending-coffee/

What a wonderful thing.

A Quick Happiness Test

OK, so we're all past that whole "seeking happiness" thing, right?

We know life is hard, the human condition includes suffering and despair, and our brains aren't interested in making us happy, only in ensuring we survive? And that life is difficult and absurd with fleeting moments of bliss?

Cool.

Even so, every now and then comes a reminder that, during times not marred by horrible circumstances, it is indeed possible to choose to be happy, or at least not to be miserable.

Professor Ed Diener is one of the founders of positive psychology and a leading researcher into happiness and well-being. He is profiled in The Age today in 'The Happy Medium' (Michael Short, The Zone).

It's not really news to read that "Happiness is caused by relationships, goals and habits –and not by lots of money", that "happy people are healthier", and that "one of the best ways to be happy is, paradoxically, to not worry too much about being happy, but to focus instead on a goal".

We generally already know that "happiness" (in the sense of contentment or fulfillment), is a combination of a positive outlook, good relationships, having a purpose or goal and/or skill, and acceptance of circumstances.

But even if most of that is fairly familiar to us now, what I liked about this article was the reminder that we can and should seek these things - even while we know, of course, that awful circumstances can and do prevent happiness, and life can be cruel and unfair. But for most of us, life is a combination of good times and bad, so we do have the ability to seek contentment in some form.

The other thing I liked was this quick test to measure how happy you are (in case you are not sure):


Quick happiness test suggested by Michael Short and Ed Diener:

It's this: ask yourself or someone else what are the top 10 things you like to do. Then ask when you last did those things. While there can be compelling reasons why we are not doing what we like - caring for someone, investing time in study or other intensive projects - it's often the case unhappiness is caused by neglecting to do these things.  Crucially, almost without exception those lists contain an overwhelming majority of pastimes that do not require money.

Read more: http://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/life/the-happy-medium-20130721-2qcrg.html#ixzz2ZlwGJKg9

For example, if you were me your ten (or eleven) things might look something like this:

• walking
• reading
• writing
• art
• talking with my kids - especially ideas, theories, how people are, how life is, etc
• cartoons / humour
• family gatherings
• coffee/dinner with friends
• spending time with or watching animals
• sitting on grass
• looking at the sky / stars

I do about half of these often, and the rest quite rarely, though I used to do them often.

It's an interesting point.

Personally I think being "happy" comes from relationships, having enough money so that life is not constantly stressful, being busy without being overly stretched, doing a job you don't hate, and having enough room/time for some hobbies. Sometimes, with luck, we may even manage all those things at once.

There's not much else. We're animals seeking to live, accumulate resources, and if we want to, to procreate. Everything else is a bonus.

What do you think about the happiness test?

maen_cg/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Warm Day Pleasures

I don't cope well with hot weather. What I love are those beautiful warm days at the end of spring or the end of summer, where you feel happy and energized and life feels full of promise.

Days like yesterday and today, in Melbourne.

For instance, I love:

• Driving with the window open (instead of the air conditioning on)
• Having my hair stay dry and in style all day (not ruined by humidity or sweat)
• Not wearing or carrying a jacket
• Wearing sandals to work
• Painting my toenails and the paint lasts for days because I'm wearing sandals to work and no shoes at home
• Listening to my kids playing outside and feeling good about that
• Hanging out and bringing in washing without dying in the heat
• Waking up to sunshine and birdsong (and the cat meowing for breakfast and the dog scratching on the door to come in)
• The kids are happy to get up on time
• Waking up comfortable - neither groggy from dark winter sleep nor bathed in summer sweat
• Having the kids play ball with the dog and run him around till he's pooped so I don't have to walk him
• Icy-poles outside after dinner
• Hearing the neighbourhood kids playing ball in the street after dinner

 

Yesterday all these things came together. Y and I were both home and both available after work, and the four of us ate a marvelous picnic dinner together, then danced to some Greek songs the girls are learning*, ate icy-poles outside, and - the highlight for the kids - played hide and seek in the backyard until bathtime. Our backyard consists of about 3 possible hiding spaces, so God knows what the appeal is of this game in our house, but I do know that yesterday the appeal was playing with Mum and Dad at the same time.

"Best evening ever!" said A.

"My best bit was playing with Daddy," said M.

"The kids LOVED it when you played with them," I told Y.

"I guess they miss not having a brother," said Y.

"No, they want YOU!" said I.

Y is a good dad, but he's often tired from work so the evenings we tend to tag-team, with him snoozing after dinner and me going to bed earlier at night while he cleans up the kitchen. When he looks after the kids, he is often lying on the couch while they play, or they all go out "for coffee".

That's all fine, but this is also important: the whole family together laughing and dancing and playing hide and seek even if it means taking turns with the same two hiding spots down the side of the house and behind the barbecue. (There - now if you ever come to our house and play hide and seek with us, you will know straightaway where to look.)

So last night we did all that.

And because I'm a woman and a mother and a homebody and an emotional basket case, I had my happiest evening this year and had to stop myself sobbing with manic glee.

I held myself together heroically. (The kids already think Mum is loopy - no need to give them more proof).

What's your favourite kind of weather?

*Here's one of the songs -

N'Agapas - by Pantelis Thalassinos

The Free Time Paradox

via My Humor Spot and reblogged all over the internet

As everyone knows, once you are a parent there is no free time. I don't want to sound like a woe is mom, because I am actually not complaining about it. (Though it is OK to complain about it because sometimes it can suck).

What you have instead are these:

• snatched time here and there; 
• work time; 
• supermarket shopping time (if you get to go alone); 
• negotiated, fought for or paid for time out (e.g. meet friends for dinner or a movie); and
• collapse-on-the-couch-after-kids-are-in-bed time.

When my twins were babies the thing that hit me hardest was how little time I had to myself, to do exactly what I wanted. In fact, it was with a kind of hazed-out horror that I realised that I would never have that sort of time, really, ever again.

The advice in baby books and magazine articles designed to help with "tips" such as "take fifteen minutes" to have a quiet cup of tea, paint your nails or relax outside while the baby slept or played in her cot horrified me. Fifteen minutes? FIFTEEN MINUTES? Pre-baby I was used to frittering away whole afternoons reading, walking or watching movies. No fifteen minute "me time" was going to do anything helpful for me.

Of course, everyone struggles with this and of course it does get better. 

Now my kids are nearly seven, I still can't while away whole mornings or afternoons doing whatever I want, but things are not as relentless, and I no longer feel I am living life on a hamster wheel spinning between home and work and home again.

I still yearn for more free time. 

But when I have it, I often don't know what to do with it.

Even if I plan what I'm going to do, I don't always enjoy it, or fully engage with it.

Instead I fret about how little time I have left, think of jobs or work I could be doing [not that I want to], or daydream about doing something else.

Sometimes all I want (NEED) to do is relax. So I will lie on the couch, or sleep, or watch TV or read, as I know this is what is best for me right now.

But oddly I am rarely recharged, happy or calmer after these sessions. It could be, of course, that by the time I do it I'm so exhausted that an hour in bed is not going to be enough. 

But sometimes I think it's something else.

It's hard to truly relax and enjoy yourself when you're unhappy with the state of your house or you have not done things you know you need to do - whether those are to do with work, self-care, housekeeping or administrivia, they have a way of gnawing at you and sapping any pleasure from "me time" until you tackle them.

It's where that advice from The Happiness Project comes from: if something takes you less than a minute to do, do it now, and you'll be happier. Hang up that jacket; return that book to the bookshelf. It's true, and we all know it.

Of course, it is also slightly annoying advice because, just as when my husband refers to a task as "only five minutes", what it, and he, infuriatingly neglects to remember is that home life is full of a million tasks that only take one minute, or five minutes. If you just attended to everything that you can do in a minute or five minutes, you could still be on your feet and doing stuff all day long (at least you could in my house).  So, you know - take advice like this where it's helpful, and leave it where it's not.

But here are two examples of how I used "free time" this week and how it affected my mood.

(1) Relaxed. Said "stuff it" to housework, shut my eyes to mounting chaos in the loungeroom, watched a DVD and napped. (This was on Tuesday afternoon/evening while the kids were at Greek school. I wasn't working that day, and I did nothing more than the minimum at home, which was parent my kids and prepare meals. I always wonder, why isn't that enough? It should be!)

Result: felt defensive, sluggish, faintly depressed. It's true I "needed" that relaxation time, and it's true that housework never stops and sometimes you just have to leave it. But it doesn't help you feel better about it.

(2) Cleaned up, and cleaned. Tidied living and kitchen area, swept and mopped floors, cleaned kitchen cupboards and surfaces. Swept porch, dusted and brushed dirt away from sills and screen door outside, took 4 bags of rubbish and a load of recycling to the garage.

(This was over 2 days, this weekend, in preparation for the kids having a friend over. I hasten to add this friend had never been here before; close friends and family members bringing their children round does not prompt me to clean).

Result: For the first time in awhile I felt energized and competent. It felt good to be relaxed and confident in a tidy house - benevolent queen of my world. It left me happy and relaxed all day. The sunshine no doubt helped, and the playdate was good - all three girls played happily together and without drama for 3 hours. (I'll say that again: all THREE GIRLS played happily and without DRAMA).

I know - housework and a tidy home should not be what life's all about. And truly, for me they are not (as anyone who visits here can attest). And yes, it all depends on your mood and your energy levels at the time. This weekend was the first in awhile where I haven't had pain in my arm (healing after surgery from a bad break 4 months ago), which has been a real downer, as pain tends to be.

So, you know, I'm not saying this is a meaningful comparison or even telling anyone anything they don't already know.

But it's interesting anyway. We yearn for free time even though we have spent 10,000 years inventing ways of life with little of it. 

We (that is, I) prefer to sit and relax where we can, even though doing other things actually make us (me) happier.

Hosting a play date - assuming all goes well - is quite a good way to find happiness. First, it spurs you to clean the house. Next, you get to sit down and read or do whatever you like while the kids play for hours. Third, it makes your kids happy, which makes you happy too. And fourth, it makes them tired and happy to eat an early dinner and be all tucked up in bed before Homeland starts at 8.30.

Work and Walk: NAILED IT

If you're like me and work in an office environment, in the city, work clothes can be a hassle. Unless you're very senior or in a very staid industry, you probably don't have to manage pantyhose (shudder), high heels, suits or full make-up, but you still need to look a bit corporate and moderately well groomed.

At the same time you probably catch public transport, which means walking a little, which means you also need to be comfortable.

In my head I have a hazy sort of ideal outfit that I call "Good To Go". The Good To Go outfit is dark trousers, a mid-season top, cross-body satchel bag and low-heeled boots or shoes. Possibly an artfully-knotted scarf or non-bulky jacket on top. It's something you can wear almost anywhere, and it is comfortable and hassle-free.  It's the kind of outfit worn by girls-on-the-run in spy movies, or hot lady cops in the better TV mini-series.  It doesn't have to be plain - it can be a sparkly top, or satiny pants - but the main requirements of Good To Go are that the outfit is streamlined, simple, stylish and walkable.

Unfortunately, though this outfit is my daily goal, I rarely come close to achieving it, due to limitations imposed by money (style is expensive) and body shape. Most days I settle for a pair of nice-looking black pants that are not too short (hard - very hard to find), a longish top and a soft jacket or cardigan. Oh, and the artfully knotted scarf.

I have three good quality bags, one of which is a cross-body satchel (though too small for everyday work use really), and the other two which are great-looking and were expensive but are not ideal designs for carrying. One is a good shape but too heavy, the other can only be looped over a wrist or carried by the handles, which gets annoying.

Shoes are tricky. In my youth I never found shoes hard. I wore what I liked and I walked everywhere. In the 80s I was a student and wore Doc Martens, brogues or flats. In the nineties I was living in Greece where appearance is everything, baby - this was my stylish phase, and I wore high-heeled ankle boots or very high platform heels, along with short skirts, slim dresses, leggings, fitted jackets and other gorgeous stuff I can no longer go near.

I never remember shoes being too uncomfortable back then. Heels were a bit, of course - but certainly not everyday flat shoes.

These days? It's IMPOSSIBLE for me to find a comfortable shoe. I think once you're past 40 no shoe is going to be totally comfortable, unless it's a runner. I'm also quite a bit heavier than I was in my youth, and I know that has an impact. But more than that, with age comes wisdom or perhaps grumpiness, and I have close to zero tolerance for sartorial discomfort as a result.

Since my accident and surgery I've been wearing casual pants and runners pretty much non-stop - that's almost 4 months - and that's been very comfortable, but I'm pretty sick of them.

This week I returned to the office for the first time in weeks, having worked mostly at home since we came back from Greece. Since I can't drive, I have had to abandon the car commute I was so fond of and return to public transport. Which I am quite enjoying, to be honest, though not loving the hour and a half the trip takes me most days.

But I am finding it seriously challenging to put work outfits together, which are also comfortable for my "walking bouts" in between buses and trains and the office.


Here's the thing:

• I'm sick of wearing runners to work and carrying an extra bag for my work shoes.
• I want to wear nice shoes which are also comfortable, and I don't want to break a sweat on my morning commute.
• I want to carry ONE bag. And I don't always want that to be a giant tote or a backpack.

Another thing - and I blame my kids for this because it didn't happen before them - is that I find it very difficult to leave and arrive home carrying ONE bag. Even if I leave with one bag (e.g. having left my work shoes at the office so no need to tote them), I arrive home with two or three, by the time I've picked up emergency groceries, a schnitzel and veggies from a cafe to serve for dinner, or some, um, magazines and books (but I've cut that out now, really).

(The last 2 days I've had to stop at the quickie-mart on the way home, to pick up margarine, hair clips, lunch box snacks and the like which my organised self neglected to order from the supermarket).


Soooo.... you appreciate how difficult and unwieldy my life is, I hope.


Except today - thanks to a fortuitous combination of circumstances, I managed to achieve Good To Go.


The circumstances:

• warm and mild weather. My favourite weather in Melbourne today: warm but not hot, mildy sunny and blowy. Perfect. No sweating, no freezing, no lugging around an umbrella or a coat
• second day back at the office. This meant I had already lugged in my extra bag with notebooks and files from home the previous day, so I only needed one bag

The outfit:

• slim straight black pants
• long silky top with elbow-length sleeves
• long, black sleeveless jackety thing (dressy, slimming, adds coverage and a little warmth)
• taupe patent platform sandals - comfortable to walk in 
• moderately-sized, non-heavy bag which loops comfortably over arm or shoulder, leaving other hand free for Myki card, phone or coffee cup. 

(I 'shopped my closet' and rediscovered a lovely bag which was not expensive but looks it, and which being mostly fabric is light to carry, while still being roomy [and bonus, the lining is pale caramel, making it easy to find stuff inside]).

I was going in a little late to the office after we dropped the kids at their holiday program, so Y. dropped me at the train station near his work, which is in a MUCH nicer area than where we live. There is a cafe across from the station so while I waited for my train I picked up a takeaway coffee and in my perfect outfit and large sunglasses I swanned stylishly down the street imagining I lived there and that every day I sauntered thusly across the road from my renovated Edwardian house to the train station.  I passed a boutique home furnishing shop which advertised 'Hours: 9.30 - 3.00', and I thought, Well, wouldn't that be nice.

I felt mobile, powerful, stylish and comfortable. I was Good To Go.

Now... what am I going to wear tomorrow?

Image by adamr courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Sunday Fun Day: Paper Pizza

A few weeks ago, trying to get one of my daughters out of her doldrums, I started a thing called Sunday Fun Days. Every week the kids agree to get their homework done and completed (without tears or tantrums) by Saturday, and I get all my tasks out of the way by then too. Sunday is then completely free for a FUN DAY.

The first week was A's turn to choose an activity, and she was excited and specific. First, we would go and see a movie. Then we would come home and make people out of construction paper. Then I would sit in my rocking chair and they would sit on the floor and I would read them two stories.

Well, okay then.

On Saturday night before the big day, A very carefully chose and laid out her favourite clothes to wear the next day, and went to bed smiling and happy. It broke my heart! My poor unhappy child, were things this bad for her? (Have I mentioned I have a pessimistic streak?)

On Sunday morning, A, who normally sleeps in on weekends and has to be coaxed out of bed (and out of a foul temper) most mornings, was the first one up. She dressed herself, brushed her teeth and brushed her hair, then came and woke me up, eyes shining with happiness.

She enjoyed her day immensely.  We saw Ice Age 4, made our paper people, and generally had a fun and relaxed day. I even enjoyed it myself.

The next week was M's choice. She chose to go to her favourite play centre, and then make a fairy garden at home (leaves, sticks, plastic container).

Last week was their friend's birthday party. So that was our Sunday Fun Day taken care of quite nicely.

Today was A's choice again, and she chose swimming, followed by more paper craft - this time making paper pizzas.


I so did not feel like going swimming. But the kids just love it, and it wears them out and makes me feel good that we all get some exercise. Also, because the girls are doing dancing classes and Greek school every week, I cancelled their swimming lessons this term so they wouldn't be completely over-scheduled, and they miss the swimming lessons. (You can't win. Well, I could if I cancelled Greek school but that's not really an option, sorry kids!)

Swimming was actually quite nice. The pool was heated to a lovely warm temperature and because it's not summer it wasn't all sauna-like inside. My lovely mother came along so we also got a lift. (Following the surgery to pin my broken arm two weeks ago, I still can't drive for another 6-8 weeks)

So we did that, and then it was home for paper pizzas.

After the pizzas, the girls decided to make a giant paper girl.  I drew the outlines for the t-shirt and skirt, the zigzags for the sneakers and the ball, but the rest is their own work.

She started off a basketball player, then a cheerleader and finally a soccer player - hence the weird uniform.

I like to think these Sunday Fun Days are having an impact on my kids. A does seem happier, and we do all have fun.  On the first week, inspired by this post, I also promised I would not look at my phone or laptop one single time, ALL DAY. I admit I didn't do this today as such, but I didn't use my phone much, and next Sunday I'll go back to not using it at all.

How do you spend "quality time" with your kids? 

How do you manage special times in your busy life?