"You can't go swimming for an hour after eating."
Mar 28, 2011
Wait one hour after eating
...and while on the subject of myths, does anyone (presumably my age - Gen X - and older) remember this one?
Mar 27, 2011
Limitless… are the things I don’t know about memory
If you want to see a fun, sexy movie see Limitless. I loved it. Because damn, that Bradley Cooper can wear a suit. But also, because the story is built around an interesting idea.
The premise is the enduring (and false) belief that “we only use 20% of our brains” (I have always heard 10% - maybe we’re getting smarter), and what if you could “access all of it”? And what if a pill could do that?
The premise is the enduring (and false) belief that “we only use 20% of our brains” (I have always heard 10% - maybe we’re getting smarter), and what if you could “access all of it”? And what if a pill could do that?
Mar 24, 2011
Superstition
The human brain is wired to be superstitious. I know this not only because I have read it many times, but also because I have proof.
On Saturday night my husband and I had a "date night". Maybe our second in the five years since our girls were born.
Yes, not very impressive, I know. But the novelty made it very exciting.
On Saturday night my husband and I had a "date night". Maybe our second in the five years since our girls were born.
Yes, not very impressive, I know. But the novelty made it very exciting.
Mar 21, 2011
What Women Shouldn’t Want
The Age fashion section recently ran a feature declaring that our love of Mad Men-inspired fashion is on the way out. (We’re now heading back to the 1920s for our inspiration, apparently).
I think I am glad. Like everyone, I love the styling in Mad Men. But also, I am fed up with 50s and 60s retro nostalgia. We quite possibly need a break.
Pastel tin laundry peg baskets? Floral aprons? Giant $800 cake mixers? Over it. Over it all.
We need to remember what these things actually represent. Not some rosy, fake warm view of the past but the reality of what that past was like, especially (but not only) for women.
Don’t get me wrong, I love Mad Men, but you’re supposed to watch it and remember how crappy things used to be, not sigh over beautiful clothes and martinis at lunchtime. Or, at least do both.
Remember the flip side, sisters:
Retro style: Fantasy Vs. Reality
Fantasy:
Husband = Don Draper
Reality:
Husband = Don Draper
or more likely:
Husband = one of the way lesser guys with all their crap and crap salary too (You have no salary, remember)
Fantasy:
Gorgeous clothes
Reality:
Pantyhose. Every day.
Fantasy:
People are slim without exercising
Reality:
Cigarettes, alcoholism, diets
Fantasy:
Whiskey in the office
Reality:
You’re a woman. You’re not IN the office.
Fantasy:
No crazy career pressure for women. You can stay home and manage your house and kids.
Reality:
Crazy pressure to find husband early, and pick a good one. You pick wrong, you ruin your life.
Fantasy:
Social norms – everyone knows the rules.
Reality:
There were A LOT of rules.
Dinner party hostessing anyone?
The present is better than the past, in almost every way. And I’m going to skip over the serious stuff here (financial independence, access to birth control, equal opportunity at work, equitable divorce) and just look at clothing and style.
When I was a kid in the 1970’s and 80’s my mum, who was slim, stylish and clever (and always starving herself on diets) taught us tips and tricks on dressing and looking our best. Not in a bad way, just as useful asides in our everyday life.
And there were definitely rules to learn.
Every season, skirts were of a “type” (A-line, gathered with a yoke, straight, or wrap-around), and a specific length – above the knee, below the knee, calf, ankle. (Unfortunately the most flattering length, on the knee, completely skipped the 80’s and most of the 90’s). Every season my mum would adjust all our skirt hems up or down to the correct current length. If a skirt could not be altered to the correct length, you just couldn’t wear it. You’d look odd.
Make no mistake; this was not just my mum. This is how it was.
I still remember how refreshing, interesting, and faintly shocking it was, when my mum told me about a friend’s grown daughter: “Michelle doesn’t worry about length for daytime anymore.” Wow! Revolutionary! Could it be? Could that work?! We tried it – we never looked back.
And remember that? Daytime clothes and night-time clothes? Night was dressier. You had a day bag (just one!) and an evening bag (just one!). Daytime perfume and night-time perfume (daytime was likely a cologne; night-time was the full ‘spicy’ or ‘oriental’ eau du parfum).
And all this was just in the 80’s! For the 50’s and 60’s you can magnify that by ten.
So yes, the past was stylish. It was stylish because it was ruled by rules – norms that were, to current tastes, stifling, and admitted little variation.
It’s like visiting some European cities – I admire that people are gorgeous, stylish and well-dressed. But after a while I grumble that they all look the same. There’s much less individual style, experimentation or whimsy. No crazy dyed hair, kooky ensembles or ugly shoes. Those things may grate sometimes, but I find I miss them when they’re not around.
So take “inspiration” from Mad Men – and other sources – all you like. But don’t discount the wonderful things available right here in the present: freedom, individuality, self-expression, and the ability to wear track pants for the dash to the corner shop.
I think I am glad. Like everyone, I love the styling in Mad Men. But also, I am fed up with 50s and 60s retro nostalgia. We quite possibly need a break.
Pastel tin laundry peg baskets? Floral aprons? Giant $800 cake mixers? Over it. Over it all.
We need to remember what these things actually represent. Not some rosy, fake warm view of the past but the reality of what that past was like, especially (but not only) for women.
Don’t get me wrong, I love Mad Men, but you’re supposed to watch it and remember how crappy things used to be, not sigh over beautiful clothes and martinis at lunchtime. Or, at least do both.
Remember the flip side, sisters:
_____________________________________________________________________
Retro style: Fantasy Vs. Reality
Fantasy:
Husband = Don Draper
Reality:
Husband = Don Draper
or more likely:
Husband = one of the way lesser guys with all their crap and crap salary too (You have no salary, remember)
Fantasy:
Gorgeous clothes
Reality:
Pantyhose. Every day.
Fantasy:
People are slim without exercising
Reality:
Cigarettes, alcoholism, diets
Fantasy:
Whiskey in the office
Reality:
You’re a woman. You’re not IN the office.
Fantasy:
No crazy career pressure for women. You can stay home and manage your house and kids.
Reality:
Crazy pressure to find husband early, and pick a good one. You pick wrong, you ruin your life.
Fantasy:
Social norms – everyone knows the rules.
Reality:
There were A LOT of rules.
Dinner party hostessing anyone?
_____________________________________________________________________
The present is better than the past, in almost every way. And I’m going to skip over the serious stuff here (financial independence, access to birth control, equal opportunity at work, equitable divorce) and just look at clothing and style.
When I was a kid in the 1970’s and 80’s my mum, who was slim, stylish and clever (and always starving herself on diets) taught us tips and tricks on dressing and looking our best. Not in a bad way, just as useful asides in our everyday life.
And there were definitely rules to learn.
Every season, skirts were of a “type” (A-line, gathered with a yoke, straight, or wrap-around), and a specific length – above the knee, below the knee, calf, ankle. (Unfortunately the most flattering length, on the knee, completely skipped the 80’s and most of the 90’s). Every season my mum would adjust all our skirt hems up or down to the correct current length. If a skirt could not be altered to the correct length, you just couldn’t wear it. You’d look odd.
Make no mistake; this was not just my mum. This is how it was.
I still remember how refreshing, interesting, and faintly shocking it was, when my mum told me about a friend’s grown daughter: “Michelle doesn’t worry about length for daytime anymore.” Wow! Revolutionary! Could it be? Could that work?! We tried it – we never looked back.
And remember that? Daytime clothes and night-time clothes? Night was dressier. You had a day bag (just one!) and an evening bag (just one!). Daytime perfume and night-time perfume (daytime was likely a cologne; night-time was the full ‘spicy’ or ‘oriental’ eau du parfum).
And all this was just in the 80’s! For the 50’s and 60’s you can magnify that by ten.
So yes, the past was stylish. It was stylish because it was ruled by rules – norms that were, to current tastes, stifling, and admitted little variation.
It’s like visiting some European cities – I admire that people are gorgeous, stylish and well-dressed. But after a while I grumble that they all look the same. There’s much less individual style, experimentation or whimsy. No crazy dyed hair, kooky ensembles or ugly shoes. Those things may grate sometimes, but I find I miss them when they’re not around.
So take “inspiration” from Mad Men – and other sources – all you like. But don’t discount the wonderful things available right here in the present: freedom, individuality, self-expression, and the ability to wear track pants for the dash to the corner shop.
 |
Picture Credit: http://www.blingcheese.com/image/code/40/mad+men.htm |
Mar 19, 2011
Divine Retribution? End of Days? Or a very unlucky streak? Disaster Days
What with natural disasters, climate change, the end of carbon, terrorism, wars, the global financial crisis, and the frightening rise of violence and viciousness in our cities, at some point we all wonder, What’s going on?
Mar 3, 2011
A Minor Operation
There is nothing like holding your daughter's hand as she goes under anaesthetic while not taking her eyes off your face, and you holding it all together so she has no idea how terrified you feel.
And this was a minor operation, and of our choice - nothing life-threatening or even "serious", so I do not for a moment pretend our experience compares to others who have been through far, far worse.
And this was a minor operation, and of our choice - nothing life-threatening or even "serious", so I do not for a moment pretend our experience compares to others who have been through far, far worse.
Feb 25, 2011
Copernicus for Five Year Olds
Don't you love it when you have a really good conversation with your kids about Life, The Universe and Everything?
My kids are five and are only three weeks in school, but they seem suddenly to have streaked ahead of where they were a month ago.
My kids are five and are only three weeks in school, but they seem suddenly to have streaked ahead of where they were a month ago.
Feb 21, 2011
Sign Language Secrets
Here is an interesting article for anyone like me, who has watched an interpreter on the ABC news doing simultaneous translation into AUSLAN and wondered how they do it - fascinating.
Answer: they make it up as they go along! (not really, read the article).
Answer: they make it up as they go along! (not really, read the article).
Feb 10, 2011
Fair sharing of housework and childcare
There's a fantastic conversation going on at Mama Mia today in the comments under an article about whether men "should" help with bath-time and child-rearing tasks in general.
The question posed by the article is odd but refers to a study from Ohio State University that suggests that couples who share parenting and housework tasks experience more conflict than couples where one parent does it all.
(What's worse - conflict? Or simmering resentment and unhappiness? Yes I know conflict at home is bad - have lived it, seen my kids suffer for it, suffered for it ourselves. But resentment is also bad. So yes both are bad).
The comments are coming thick and fast, and what's interesting is reading how much in common we all have. Basically, everyone struggles with this, the women want the men to do their share, and these days, thankfully, most of them do. A common theme is how it has taken a few years to reach the point where the man does enough and the woman is accepting of the different way in which he does it.
Another thing I note is that this is an equal problem whether parents are working full-time, part-time or whether one parent is full-time home with the kids.
As a full-time worker who has found it all overwhelming at times, it is tempting to think that women who don't do paid work, or who do paid work part-time, have all this a bit easier. Not so - as my mother often reminds me, many of the woes and the occasional difficulties I have with my kids which I attribute to my working full-time, are in fact common to kids and parents everywhere. She knows - she was a "housewife" most of her life.
In our house, we both work full-time, but different days, and my husband sometimes works evenings, so we split the work depending on the day. Also because we have twins we both did everything when they were babies. I do sometimes still feel resentful that I do "more" and he can sit around the house on his downtime and the kids leave him alone, but then again I am guilty of being too controlling sometimes and have to consciously remind myself not to say anything when my husband does things his way. I do think sometimes men completely disagree with women's beliefs on parenting but won't speak up, instead will just passively resist or just do the opposite of what the woman has "instructed". This can be annoying but mostly if you want them to continue then you just have to put up with it. Most of the time it's not actually important, and the kids do well with the benefit of both parenting styles.
The single parents I know do an amazing job and cope with way more than we have to so again you have to remind yourself sometimes to just let stuff go!
The article in Mama Mia tells of a woman who is obsessed about the fact her husband is not home early enough in the evenings to do bath-time. I have had this discussion with other mums and know it is a common theme.
As someone whose partner was often working in the evenings when our twins were babies and I was alone with two crying bubs after getting through dinner, baths etc, I can relate to the women who just want dad home for bath-time. I know it's a bit delusional but it can feel like sometimes that's all you want. My husband works shifts effectively and has a fairly physical job and sometimes has to lie down for half an hour when he gets home to unwind. Yes, in the middle of "witching hour". For a long time this made me incandescent with rage, but after five years we have reached a workable compromise where he lies down sometimes but not every day; most days he sits instead and talks to the kids and feeds them fruit while I am getting the dinner done.
(Yes I know what you're thinking - I did too - but if they fill up on some extra fruit and eat a bit less dinner than they would have, but all of us are relaxed and some dinner does actually pass their lips, then that's a win in my book).
He also tends to clean up the house in the evenings after I've done the dinner and baths and put the kids to bed. I sometimes feel guilty he is doing more of the "chore" stuff instead of the "bonding" stuff in the evenings, but as he looks after them 2 days a week without me he does plenty of that too, and he plays with or talks to them while I am getting the dinner done, so it all works well for us - now. After five years!
Bottom line, most families are not the "traditional" model anymore - and thank goodness for that in all honesty, however much we may think we want that from time to time (yes I am guilty) - so each family has to find what works for them and just do it.
The question posed by the article is odd but refers to a study from Ohio State University that suggests that couples who share parenting and housework tasks experience more conflict than couples where one parent does it all.
(What's worse - conflict? Or simmering resentment and unhappiness? Yes I know conflict at home is bad - have lived it, seen my kids suffer for it, suffered for it ourselves. But resentment is also bad. So yes both are bad).
 |
| Image: Korat, FreeDigitalPhotos.net |
 |
| Image: Filomena Scalise, FreeDigitalPhotos.net |
Another thing I note is that this is an equal problem whether parents are working full-time, part-time or whether one parent is full-time home with the kids.
As a full-time worker who has found it all overwhelming at times, it is tempting to think that women who don't do paid work, or who do paid work part-time, have all this a bit easier. Not so - as my mother often reminds me, many of the woes and the occasional difficulties I have with my kids which I attribute to my working full-time, are in fact common to kids and parents everywhere. She knows - she was a "housewife" most of her life.
In our house, we both work full-time, but different days, and my husband sometimes works evenings, so we split the work depending on the day. Also because we have twins we both did everything when they were babies. I do sometimes still feel resentful that I do "more" and he can sit around the house on his downtime and the kids leave him alone, but then again I am guilty of being too controlling sometimes and have to consciously remind myself not to say anything when my husband does things his way. I do think sometimes men completely disagree with women's beliefs on parenting but won't speak up, instead will just passively resist or just do the opposite of what the woman has "instructed". This can be annoying but mostly if you want them to continue then you just have to put up with it. Most of the time it's not actually important, and the kids do well with the benefit of both parenting styles.
The single parents I know do an amazing job and cope with way more than we have to so again you have to remind yourself sometimes to just let stuff go!
The article in Mama Mia tells of a woman who is obsessed about the fact her husband is not home early enough in the evenings to do bath-time. I have had this discussion with other mums and know it is a common theme.
As someone whose partner was often working in the evenings when our twins were babies and I was alone with two crying bubs after getting through dinner, baths etc, I can relate to the women who just want dad home for bath-time. I know it's a bit delusional but it can feel like sometimes that's all you want. My husband works shifts effectively and has a fairly physical job and sometimes has to lie down for half an hour when he gets home to unwind. Yes, in the middle of "witching hour". For a long time this made me incandescent with rage, but after five years we have reached a workable compromise where he lies down sometimes but not every day; most days he sits instead and talks to the kids and feeds them fruit while I am getting the dinner done.
(Yes I know what you're thinking - I did too - but if they fill up on some extra fruit and eat a bit less dinner than they would have, but all of us are relaxed and some dinner does actually pass their lips, then that's a win in my book).
He also tends to clean up the house in the evenings after I've done the dinner and baths and put the kids to bed. I sometimes feel guilty he is doing more of the "chore" stuff instead of the "bonding" stuff in the evenings, but as he looks after them 2 days a week without me he does plenty of that too, and he plays with or talks to them while I am getting the dinner done, so it all works well for us - now. After five years!
Bottom line, most families are not the "traditional" model anymore - and thank goodness for that in all honesty, however much we may think we want that from time to time (yes I am guilty) - so each family has to find what works for them and just do it.
Feb 8, 2011
Have you any concerns?
On the first day of school, the kids were given a parent survey to be filled in and returned to the teacher. The form started somehow inevitably with the same questions we had already answered in the pre-school survey and the school enrolment form, with parents' names, child living arrangements, child's favourite things, etc. (Coming from the corporate world, the repetitiveness and inefficiency of data gathering for schools, hospitals and other government institutions is still a sort of marvel no matter how often one encounters it).
At the end of the form, a small space was left for the last question: "Have you any concerns?"
I'm a modern parent aren't I?
Of course I do!
For M, I wrote:
"She often 'does her own thing' and doesn't always follow instructions. If she thinks she can't do something well she will avoid it and sometimes muck it up for others by creating a distraction, getting mad, etc."
The bit at the start of The Simpsons where Lisa is playing her saxophone and waltzes out the room playing her own tune instead of following the class, reminds me of my M. This part is a good trait - I remind myself - and not one we want to be drummed right out of her, but it won't do her any favours in her school career if she can't concentrate on a task and follow instructions, either.
Truth to tell I am not that concerned about M at the moment. From being my very shy and clingy little girl, who once couldn't make friends and relied so heavily on her sister, M has in the last year blossomed and become quite the social butterfly. My only social concern now is, still giddy from her newfound social success, she has tended of late to abandon her sister or a friend when someone better comes along, or has informed me haughtily that so-and-so is annoying her and always wants to play with her. We stress the importance of being nice and including everyone in games, and remembering your friends and your manners - and hope her behaviour is okay when we're not around. I think it is - mostly - but then I probably would, wouldn't I?
For A, I wrote:
"She seems to have lost a little confidence lately especially socially with other kids. Very easily upset, very sensitive to thinking others are laughing at or judging her. Not sure where this has come from."
My gorgeous, friendly, confident little A, seems to have had a couple of knocks of late. Suddenly the social roles seem to have reversed, and where once A was the friend-maker and M sat in the corner, it seems now A is more reliant on her sister than the other way around.
Actually that's not true - both are in fact heavily reliant on the other, and both also function very well on their own or one-on-one with someone else. But lately A seems to be much less socially confident and more sensitive to social snubs and dangers. Has something happened, or is this all part of socialising and growing up?
Her daycare teacher assures me the latter, and that A is fine, happy and completely normal, and that this sort of change is very normal for little girls in particular, as they transition from the familiar kinder/daycare to the big new world of school.
Just something for us to keep an eye on I suppose.
As a parent, it can be difficult sometimes to know what is normal behaviour and what is "red flag" behaviour.
Kids are strong and resilient, which we do sometimes forget - and no one grows up unscathed either; the knocks and shocks build us into the people we become.
But it is still hard watching them navigate all this and having to let them do a lot of it by themselves.
And yes, that's right - this is only day 2 of school. So when it comes to worry, clearly I am going to have to pace myself.
At the end of the form, a small space was left for the last question: "Have you any concerns?"
I'm a modern parent aren't I?
Of course I do!
For M, I wrote:
"She often 'does her own thing' and doesn't always follow instructions. If she thinks she can't do something well she will avoid it and sometimes muck it up for others by creating a distraction, getting mad, etc."
The bit at the start of The Simpsons where Lisa is playing her saxophone and waltzes out the room playing her own tune instead of following the class, reminds me of my M. This part is a good trait - I remind myself - and not one we want to be drummed right out of her, but it won't do her any favours in her school career if she can't concentrate on a task and follow instructions, either.
Truth to tell I am not that concerned about M at the moment. From being my very shy and clingy little girl, who once couldn't make friends and relied so heavily on her sister, M has in the last year blossomed and become quite the social butterfly. My only social concern now is, still giddy from her newfound social success, she has tended of late to abandon her sister or a friend when someone better comes along, or has informed me haughtily that so-and-so is annoying her and always wants to play with her. We stress the importance of being nice and including everyone in games, and remembering your friends and your manners - and hope her behaviour is okay when we're not around. I think it is - mostly - but then I probably would, wouldn't I?
For A, I wrote:
"She seems to have lost a little confidence lately especially socially with other kids. Very easily upset, very sensitive to thinking others are laughing at or judging her. Not sure where this has come from."
My gorgeous, friendly, confident little A, seems to have had a couple of knocks of late. Suddenly the social roles seem to have reversed, and where once A was the friend-maker and M sat in the corner, it seems now A is more reliant on her sister than the other way around.
Actually that's not true - both are in fact heavily reliant on the other, and both also function very well on their own or one-on-one with someone else. But lately A seems to be much less socially confident and more sensitive to social snubs and dangers. Has something happened, or is this all part of socialising and growing up?
Her daycare teacher assures me the latter, and that A is fine, happy and completely normal, and that this sort of change is very normal for little girls in particular, as they transition from the familiar kinder/daycare to the big new world of school.
Just something for us to keep an eye on I suppose.
As a parent, it can be difficult sometimes to know what is normal behaviour and what is "red flag" behaviour.
Kids are strong and resilient, which we do sometimes forget - and no one grows up unscathed either; the knocks and shocks build us into the people we become.
But it is still hard watching them navigate all this and having to let them do a lot of it by themselves.
And yes, that's right - this is only day 2 of school. So when it comes to worry, clearly I am going to have to pace myself.
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