What with natural disasters, climate change, the end of carbon, terrorism, wars, the global financial crisis, and the frightening rise of violence and viciousness in our cities, at some point we all wonder, What’s going on?
Mar 19, 2011
Mar 3, 2011
A Minor Operation
There is nothing like holding your daughter's hand as she goes under anaesthetic while not taking her eyes off your face, and you holding it all together so she has no idea how terrified you feel.
And this was a minor operation, and of our choice - nothing life-threatening or even "serious", so I do not for a moment pretend our experience compares to others who have been through far, far worse.
And this was a minor operation, and of our choice - nothing life-threatening or even "serious", so I do not for a moment pretend our experience compares to others who have been through far, far worse.
Feb 25, 2011
Copernicus for Five Year Olds
Don't you love it when you have a really good conversation with your kids about Life, The Universe and Everything?
My kids are five and are only three weeks in school, but they seem suddenly to have streaked ahead of where they were a month ago.
My kids are five and are only three weeks in school, but they seem suddenly to have streaked ahead of where they were a month ago.
Feb 21, 2011
Sign Language Secrets
Here is an interesting article for anyone like me, who has watched an interpreter on the ABC news doing simultaneous translation into AUSLAN and wondered how they do it - fascinating.
Answer: they make it up as they go along! (not really, read the article).
Answer: they make it up as they go along! (not really, read the article).
Feb 10, 2011
Fair sharing of housework and childcare
There's a fantastic conversation going on at Mama Mia today in the comments under an article about whether men "should" help with bath-time and child-rearing tasks in general.
The question posed by the article is odd but refers to a study from Ohio State University that suggests that couples who share parenting and housework tasks experience more conflict than couples where one parent does it all.
(What's worse - conflict? Or simmering resentment and unhappiness? Yes I know conflict at home is bad - have lived it, seen my kids suffer for it, suffered for it ourselves. But resentment is also bad. So yes both are bad).
The comments are coming thick and fast, and what's interesting is reading how much in common we all have. Basically, everyone struggles with this, the women want the men to do their share, and these days, thankfully, most of them do. A common theme is how it has taken a few years to reach the point where the man does enough and the woman is accepting of the different way in which he does it.
Another thing I note is that this is an equal problem whether parents are working full-time, part-time or whether one parent is full-time home with the kids.
As a full-time worker who has found it all overwhelming at times, it is tempting to think that women who don't do paid work, or who do paid work part-time, have all this a bit easier. Not so - as my mother often reminds me, many of the woes and the occasional difficulties I have with my kids which I attribute to my working full-time, are in fact common to kids and parents everywhere. She knows - she was a "housewife" most of her life.
In our house, we both work full-time, but different days, and my husband sometimes works evenings, so we split the work depending on the day. Also because we have twins we both did everything when they were babies. I do sometimes still feel resentful that I do "more" and he can sit around the house on his downtime and the kids leave him alone, but then again I am guilty of being too controlling sometimes and have to consciously remind myself not to say anything when my husband does things his way. I do think sometimes men completely disagree with women's beliefs on parenting but won't speak up, instead will just passively resist or just do the opposite of what the woman has "instructed". This can be annoying but mostly if you want them to continue then you just have to put up with it. Most of the time it's not actually important, and the kids do well with the benefit of both parenting styles.
The single parents I know do an amazing job and cope with way more than we have to so again you have to remind yourself sometimes to just let stuff go!
The article in Mama Mia tells of a woman who is obsessed about the fact her husband is not home early enough in the evenings to do bath-time. I have had this discussion with other mums and know it is a common theme.
As someone whose partner was often working in the evenings when our twins were babies and I was alone with two crying bubs after getting through dinner, baths etc, I can relate to the women who just want dad home for bath-time. I know it's a bit delusional but it can feel like sometimes that's all you want. My husband works shifts effectively and has a fairly physical job and sometimes has to lie down for half an hour when he gets home to unwind. Yes, in the middle of "witching hour". For a long time this made me incandescent with rage, but after five years we have reached a workable compromise where he lies down sometimes but not every day; most days he sits instead and talks to the kids and feeds them fruit while I am getting the dinner done.
(Yes I know what you're thinking - I did too - but if they fill up on some extra fruit and eat a bit less dinner than they would have, but all of us are relaxed and some dinner does actually pass their lips, then that's a win in my book).
He also tends to clean up the house in the evenings after I've done the dinner and baths and put the kids to bed. I sometimes feel guilty he is doing more of the "chore" stuff instead of the "bonding" stuff in the evenings, but as he looks after them 2 days a week without me he does plenty of that too, and he plays with or talks to them while I am getting the dinner done, so it all works well for us - now. After five years!
Bottom line, most families are not the "traditional" model anymore - and thank goodness for that in all honesty, however much we may think we want that from time to time (yes I am guilty) - so each family has to find what works for them and just do it.
The question posed by the article is odd but refers to a study from Ohio State University that suggests that couples who share parenting and housework tasks experience more conflict than couples where one parent does it all.
(What's worse - conflict? Or simmering resentment and unhappiness? Yes I know conflict at home is bad - have lived it, seen my kids suffer for it, suffered for it ourselves. But resentment is also bad. So yes both are bad).
 |
| Image: Korat, FreeDigitalPhotos.net |
 |
| Image: Filomena Scalise, FreeDigitalPhotos.net |
Another thing I note is that this is an equal problem whether parents are working full-time, part-time or whether one parent is full-time home with the kids.
As a full-time worker who has found it all overwhelming at times, it is tempting to think that women who don't do paid work, or who do paid work part-time, have all this a bit easier. Not so - as my mother often reminds me, many of the woes and the occasional difficulties I have with my kids which I attribute to my working full-time, are in fact common to kids and parents everywhere. She knows - she was a "housewife" most of her life.
In our house, we both work full-time, but different days, and my husband sometimes works evenings, so we split the work depending on the day. Also because we have twins we both did everything when they were babies. I do sometimes still feel resentful that I do "more" and he can sit around the house on his downtime and the kids leave him alone, but then again I am guilty of being too controlling sometimes and have to consciously remind myself not to say anything when my husband does things his way. I do think sometimes men completely disagree with women's beliefs on parenting but won't speak up, instead will just passively resist or just do the opposite of what the woman has "instructed". This can be annoying but mostly if you want them to continue then you just have to put up with it. Most of the time it's not actually important, and the kids do well with the benefit of both parenting styles.
The single parents I know do an amazing job and cope with way more than we have to so again you have to remind yourself sometimes to just let stuff go!
The article in Mama Mia tells of a woman who is obsessed about the fact her husband is not home early enough in the evenings to do bath-time. I have had this discussion with other mums and know it is a common theme.
As someone whose partner was often working in the evenings when our twins were babies and I was alone with two crying bubs after getting through dinner, baths etc, I can relate to the women who just want dad home for bath-time. I know it's a bit delusional but it can feel like sometimes that's all you want. My husband works shifts effectively and has a fairly physical job and sometimes has to lie down for half an hour when he gets home to unwind. Yes, in the middle of "witching hour". For a long time this made me incandescent with rage, but after five years we have reached a workable compromise where he lies down sometimes but not every day; most days he sits instead and talks to the kids and feeds them fruit while I am getting the dinner done.
(Yes I know what you're thinking - I did too - but if they fill up on some extra fruit and eat a bit less dinner than they would have, but all of us are relaxed and some dinner does actually pass their lips, then that's a win in my book).
He also tends to clean up the house in the evenings after I've done the dinner and baths and put the kids to bed. I sometimes feel guilty he is doing more of the "chore" stuff instead of the "bonding" stuff in the evenings, but as he looks after them 2 days a week without me he does plenty of that too, and he plays with or talks to them while I am getting the dinner done, so it all works well for us - now. After five years!
Bottom line, most families are not the "traditional" model anymore - and thank goodness for that in all honesty, however much we may think we want that from time to time (yes I am guilty) - so each family has to find what works for them and just do it.
Feb 8, 2011
Have you any concerns?
On the first day of school, the kids were given a parent survey to be filled in and returned to the teacher. The form started somehow inevitably with the same questions we had already answered in the pre-school survey and the school enrolment form, with parents' names, child living arrangements, child's favourite things, etc. (Coming from the corporate world, the repetitiveness and inefficiency of data gathering for schools, hospitals and other government institutions is still a sort of marvel no matter how often one encounters it).
At the end of the form, a small space was left for the last question: "Have you any concerns?"
I'm a modern parent aren't I?
Of course I do!
For M, I wrote:
"She often 'does her own thing' and doesn't always follow instructions. If she thinks she can't do something well she will avoid it and sometimes muck it up for others by creating a distraction, getting mad, etc."
The bit at the start of The Simpsons where Lisa is playing her saxophone and waltzes out the room playing her own tune instead of following the class, reminds me of my M. This part is a good trait - I remind myself - and not one we want to be drummed right out of her, but it won't do her any favours in her school career if she can't concentrate on a task and follow instructions, either.
Truth to tell I am not that concerned about M at the moment. From being my very shy and clingy little girl, who once couldn't make friends and relied so heavily on her sister, M has in the last year blossomed and become quite the social butterfly. My only social concern now is, still giddy from her newfound social success, she has tended of late to abandon her sister or a friend when someone better comes along, or has informed me haughtily that so-and-so is annoying her and always wants to play with her. We stress the importance of being nice and including everyone in games, and remembering your friends and your manners - and hope her behaviour is okay when we're not around. I think it is - mostly - but then I probably would, wouldn't I?
For A, I wrote:
"She seems to have lost a little confidence lately especially socially with other kids. Very easily upset, very sensitive to thinking others are laughing at or judging her. Not sure where this has come from."
My gorgeous, friendly, confident little A, seems to have had a couple of knocks of late. Suddenly the social roles seem to have reversed, and where once A was the friend-maker and M sat in the corner, it seems now A is more reliant on her sister than the other way around.
Actually that's not true - both are in fact heavily reliant on the other, and both also function very well on their own or one-on-one with someone else. But lately A seems to be much less socially confident and more sensitive to social snubs and dangers. Has something happened, or is this all part of socialising and growing up?
Her daycare teacher assures me the latter, and that A is fine, happy and completely normal, and that this sort of change is very normal for little girls in particular, as they transition from the familiar kinder/daycare to the big new world of school.
Just something for us to keep an eye on I suppose.
As a parent, it can be difficult sometimes to know what is normal behaviour and what is "red flag" behaviour.
Kids are strong and resilient, which we do sometimes forget - and no one grows up unscathed either; the knocks and shocks build us into the people we become.
But it is still hard watching them navigate all this and having to let them do a lot of it by themselves.
And yes, that's right - this is only day 2 of school. So when it comes to worry, clearly I am going to have to pace myself.
At the end of the form, a small space was left for the last question: "Have you any concerns?"
I'm a modern parent aren't I?
Of course I do!
For M, I wrote:
"She often 'does her own thing' and doesn't always follow instructions. If she thinks she can't do something well she will avoid it and sometimes muck it up for others by creating a distraction, getting mad, etc."
The bit at the start of The Simpsons where Lisa is playing her saxophone and waltzes out the room playing her own tune instead of following the class, reminds me of my M. This part is a good trait - I remind myself - and not one we want to be drummed right out of her, but it won't do her any favours in her school career if she can't concentrate on a task and follow instructions, either.
Truth to tell I am not that concerned about M at the moment. From being my very shy and clingy little girl, who once couldn't make friends and relied so heavily on her sister, M has in the last year blossomed and become quite the social butterfly. My only social concern now is, still giddy from her newfound social success, she has tended of late to abandon her sister or a friend when someone better comes along, or has informed me haughtily that so-and-so is annoying her and always wants to play with her. We stress the importance of being nice and including everyone in games, and remembering your friends and your manners - and hope her behaviour is okay when we're not around. I think it is - mostly - but then I probably would, wouldn't I?
For A, I wrote:
"She seems to have lost a little confidence lately especially socially with other kids. Very easily upset, very sensitive to thinking others are laughing at or judging her. Not sure where this has come from."
My gorgeous, friendly, confident little A, seems to have had a couple of knocks of late. Suddenly the social roles seem to have reversed, and where once A was the friend-maker and M sat in the corner, it seems now A is more reliant on her sister than the other way around.
Actually that's not true - both are in fact heavily reliant on the other, and both also function very well on their own or one-on-one with someone else. But lately A seems to be much less socially confident and more sensitive to social snubs and dangers. Has something happened, or is this all part of socialising and growing up?
Her daycare teacher assures me the latter, and that A is fine, happy and completely normal, and that this sort of change is very normal for little girls in particular, as they transition from the familiar kinder/daycare to the big new world of school.
Just something for us to keep an eye on I suppose.
As a parent, it can be difficult sometimes to know what is normal behaviour and what is "red flag" behaviour.
Kids are strong and resilient, which we do sometimes forget - and no one grows up unscathed either; the knocks and shocks build us into the people we become.
But it is still hard watching them navigate all this and having to let them do a lot of it by themselves.
And yes, that's right - this is only day 2 of school. So when it comes to worry, clearly I am going to have to pace myself.
Feb 7, 2011
School!
My kids' first day of school today - brought all my own school memories flooding back (the usual mix of good and bad).
My girls had a great time and were excited and happy after - but also exhausted and emotional, as both dissolved into tears for "no reason" a couple of times each as the afternoon wore on. A. got very upset over something I can't even exactly recall, and ran to my arms for a full body rocking cuddle until she calmed down. Times like these I fight back the tears as my child is so upset but also draw comfort and calm and strength in her surrender to my comfort and my ability to make her feel better. Is there any better feeling in the world?
Early bed-times were achieved without effort. I was exhausted myself - such an exciting and emotional day.
Here is a good story about mums and kids starting school, courtesy of Mama Mia.
My girls had a great time and were excited and happy after - but also exhausted and emotional, as both dissolved into tears for "no reason" a couple of times each as the afternoon wore on. A. got very upset over something I can't even exactly recall, and ran to my arms for a full body rocking cuddle until she calmed down. Times like these I fight back the tears as my child is so upset but also draw comfort and calm and strength in her surrender to my comfort and my ability to make her feel better. Is there any better feeling in the world?
Early bed-times were achieved without effort. I was exhausted myself - such an exciting and emotional day.
Here is a good story about mums and kids starting school, courtesy of Mama Mia.
Feb 2, 2011
Letter to our daycare centre
 |
| Photo: theseanster93 via Flickr Creative Commons |
The girls are wrestling with the fact they will no longer see their friends or come to the place that has been their second home for so long. Most of the "kinders" are going through the same things - even while they are excited and impatient to start school as well.
Sadly most of the kids are in the same boat as our girls, starting at a school where none of their daycare friends will be (there are a lot of schools in my area...). All the parents and the kids at our daycare centre are great - it has been wonderful spending time with such a nice bunch of kids and their parents, over weekend playdates and birthday parties and at the centre. I would love to keep in touch with some of them, but also know that with all of us working and kids going to different schools that's not likely.
As a kid I moved around a lot and yes kids always "make new friends" - but they also always miss and remember the ones they left behind.
But my kids are not me. Their experience is not mine. I must not project!
Here is the letter I have written to the wonderful and dedicated people at our daycare centre. WITH THANKS.
Dear T, S, E, C, C, J, D, C, and EVERYONE at Happy Lambs*,
Today is our daughters’ last day at Happy Lambs, and we want to say THANK YOU. Thank you for the wonderful care you have given our girls and the very best start they could ever have had in life. You have enriched their lives and experience in ways we could not have provided them by ourselves. Your differing styles, viewpoints and experiences, all blended with a consistent approach, common goals and excellent common sense, have been wonderful for our kids.
In four plus years at Happy Lambs, I can honestly remember maybe three occasions where we heard “I don’t want to go…” The girls have loved every day here and they have bonded with friends and carers and soaked up every experience.
Before we started daycare I had some trepidation – and some misconceptions about daycare from the negative and inaccurate picture painted in the papers and in movies (mostly by people who don’t have the experience to judge). I can honestly say, and have told everyone I know, it has been NOTHING like any negative aspect I have ever heard. Yes the first few weeks (months?!) were hard, as the girls did cry a lot and got sick about every week for six months!! But even in those times they were having fun and being nurtured and cuddled and played with and we always felt we had made the right choice as to where we placed our kids. I know not every daycare centre is the same and I looked at five before choosing Happy Lambs. Though I had no idea what to look for or what it would be like, there were only two of the five I looked at that I would consider and Happy Lambs was by far my first choice. It felt “right” as soon as I walked in the door, and it has ever since.
Every carer has been amazing; everyone has been beyond anything we could have expected or hoped for. I know you are all doing your jobs, but I have been blown away by how caring and dedicated everyone is, and how my kids have felt “loved” by every carer.
From their first carers in the baby room - C who was wonderful and helped them settle in; F who was lovely and had so much humour and energy; T who started each morning sitting cross-legged on the floor and hugging both babies to transition them into their daycare day; C in the toddler room who the girls loved and missed dearly when they changed rooms; T who they absolutely adored and still talk about to this day; “big R” who was so much fun and they loved as well; C, C, R and S who have spent so much time with them in the mornings, and T and S and now E in the kinder room.
The girls loved the hairstyles S gave them. I also loved watching her coach the kinders in learning the complete song “Give me a home among the gum trees” – very impressive!
T has been absolutely fantastic – she has taught the girls so much and we have really valued her updates and advice and answers to our questions. C and J have also provided some excellent commentary and advice to us and in general the contribution of everyone has been consistent, caring, and helpful.
T’s approach has been wonderful, it is great how much the girls have learned and we are grateful too for the “socialising” aspects of learning that T has managed with the girls for things like manners, hygiene and relationships which perfectly complement what we do at home (though we are not as strict so it’s good to have that balance! I will admit to pulling out the old “I’ll tell T!” warning if all else fails – it works a treat and I’ll bet we are not the only parents to use it!)
The girls are in awe of T and they love her as well, and they LOVE Happy Lambs.
Though they and we are looking forward to school and the next phase in their lives, it will also be a bit of a sad and hard-to-believe day for us all, to say our last good-byes at Happy Lambs.
THANK YOU for everything.
*Not the real daycare centre name. But if anyone needs a daycare centre in my area, I will happily give you the centre details.
And now I have to go, because I'm choking up!
Jan 31, 2011
Playtime - fun or a chore? Discuss.
I first came across Mia Freedman's comments about how she doesn't really enjoy playing games with her children in her book, Mamamia: A Memoir of Mistakes, Magazines and Motherhood.
Today she expanded on these thoughts in her weekly newspaper column which she also publishes on her website http://www.mamamia.com.au/.
As always, the column was entertaining, honest, a bit shocking and at the same time you recognise the truth in it and feel a bit better about your own mixed-up feelings on the same thing.
I like playing with my kids - sometimes. Sometimes it's a chore, or while I'm doing it my mind is thinking of other things I need to do next. Sometimes it's genuinely inconvenient or not possible, such as when I'm cooking dinner or we need to get them out the door. Like any parent who has been doing this gig a few years, I have become adept at managing these situations; depending on context you either divert them with something they can do independently, promise playtime in a few minutes, or tell them to go off and do something else. All perfectly acceptable of course.
What got me on reading this post though were the comments. 311 and still going, and quite narky too.
The commentators basically fall into two opinions (agree / disagree) and three camps:
1. God yeah, hate playing with my kids, what a drag! (LOL, etc)
2. Oh my god, this is so shocking/shameful/sad, you are selfish/lazy/endangering your children's mental health and oh my god what about the people reading this who can't have kids, how would this make them feel? You should be ashamed/I am appalled...etc etc etc. Includes the occasional brave soul who doesn't have kids venturing the opinion that people who have them should be happy to play with them all the time. [Chuckle!]
3. The callers to reason - pointing out that yes sometimes it's boring, and admitting this doesn't mean anything is wrong with the way you parent.
I was in the third camp (Naturally - you noticed how I made the third one sound the best?!). This was my response:
I liked this article and I don’t doubt for a minute that Mia and the others DO play with their kids – they just admit they don’t always love it. What, are we all meant to pretend we love every second of every minute of the day?
Doesn’t mean you are selfish or “sad” to admit you’re not crazy about something!
I can relate – I love spending time with my kids and love talking, listening, dancing, cooking, walking, reading, watching a movie with them, or doing creative stuff like play-dough, but games and playing with dolls are not my favourite thing. Big deal. I still do it with them on occasion, and do plenty of other stuff instead.
I do quite like the park though – once they’re 3 and older it’s a nice way to unwind and enjoy the outdoors while watching them play.
("Once they're 3" is an important point. I reckon the most difficult age with little kids is that time around one-and-a-half to ...three and a half?? well, let's say to about two-and-a-half, where they want to play and do stuff but can't do much and you also have to watch them constantly because they are toddling disaster areas. The park is only fun for a very short time at this age - basically just to break up the day and get out of the house).
It's great when kids get old enough to play with themselves or each other for most of the day.
Admit it, it's great!
And yes - I am well aware, and remind myself often, that at some point they won't want a bar of me and I'll miss the times I was playing with them. Hopefully that day will never come - but they start school next week and I know that is going to change everything.
Today she expanded on these thoughts in her weekly newspaper column which she also publishes on her website http://www.mamamia.com.au/.
As always, the column was entertaining, honest, a bit shocking and at the same time you recognise the truth in it and feel a bit better about your own mixed-up feelings on the same thing.
I like playing with my kids - sometimes. Sometimes it's a chore, or while I'm doing it my mind is thinking of other things I need to do next. Sometimes it's genuinely inconvenient or not possible, such as when I'm cooking dinner or we need to get them out the door. Like any parent who has been doing this gig a few years, I have become adept at managing these situations; depending on context you either divert them with something they can do independently, promise playtime in a few minutes, or tell them to go off and do something else. All perfectly acceptable of course.
What got me on reading this post though were the comments. 311 and still going, and quite narky too.
The commentators basically fall into two opinions (agree / disagree) and three camps:
1. God yeah, hate playing with my kids, what a drag! (LOL, etc)
2. Oh my god, this is so shocking/shameful/sad, you are selfish/lazy/endangering your children's mental health and oh my god what about the people reading this who can't have kids, how would this make them feel? You should be ashamed/I am appalled...etc etc etc. Includes the occasional brave soul who doesn't have kids venturing the opinion that people who have them should be happy to play with them all the time. [Chuckle!]
3. The callers to reason - pointing out that yes sometimes it's boring, and admitting this doesn't mean anything is wrong with the way you parent.
I was in the third camp (Naturally - you noticed how I made the third one sound the best?!). This was my response:
I liked this article and I don’t doubt for a minute that Mia and the others DO play with their kids – they just admit they don’t always love it. What, are we all meant to pretend we love every second of every minute of the day?
Doesn’t mean you are selfish or “sad” to admit you’re not crazy about something!
I can relate – I love spending time with my kids and love talking, listening, dancing, cooking, walking, reading, watching a movie with them, or doing creative stuff like play-dough, but games and playing with dolls are not my favourite thing. Big deal. I still do it with them on occasion, and do plenty of other stuff instead.
I do quite like the park though – once they’re 3 and older it’s a nice way to unwind and enjoy the outdoors while watching them play.
("Once they're 3" is an important point. I reckon the most difficult age with little kids is that time around one-and-a-half to ...three and a half?? well, let's say to about two-and-a-half, where they want to play and do stuff but can't do much and you also have to watch them constantly because they are toddling disaster areas. The park is only fun for a very short time at this age - basically just to break up the day and get out of the house).
It's great when kids get old enough to play with themselves or each other for most of the day.
Admit it, it's great!
And yes - I am well aware, and remind myself often, that at some point they won't want a bar of me and I'll miss the times I was playing with them. Hopefully that day will never come - but they start school next week and I know that is going to change everything.
Jan 26, 2011
Those first few minutes
This comes from a talk given by motivational speaker (no, don't leave yet, bear with me!) Steve McDermott, about what he calls the Four Minute Rule. I can't find a current public URL for this so will quote from the "Quick Talks" transcript distributed by my employer.
The Four Minute Rule says that the first four minutes are what sets your impression of a person or place, for instance if you are not greeted and looked after well when you arrive at a hotel, that's the bit you will always remember no matter how good the service is later.
Leaving aside the fact that he refers to his children as "my best customers"... Steve offers this:
"I don’t know about you but when I’m out on business and I’m away overnight especially when they’re little, it’s tempting, you get in the house, and the kids are like, “Dad, dad!” it’s really tempting to go, “Can I just get in the house, can I just take my jacket off, put my case down?” But when it’s done in the four-minute rule now, I don’t do that. Just before I get through the door, in my head I say, how would the best dad in the world act when he walked in that door? And that’s how I act, because that’s the bit they’re going to remember."
 |
| Photo: DVIDSHUB at Flickr Creative Commons |
I think this is good advice and worth remembering.
I don't think I do too badly in the coming-home-and-greeting-my-kids department, but I did have cause to remind myself of this recently and take this advice.
You're about to hear one of those classic working mother stories.
It was my turn to pick up the kids from daycare, and I left the office 10 minutes late.
On the freeway there was a major "incident" which slowed all traffic across all four lanes to literally walking pace the whole length of the freeway (10 km per hour, the whole way).
Too late I realised the scale of the problem and that I wasn't going to make it anywhere near pick-up time.
I called my husband on his mobile to get him to go pick up the kids, but this took six attempts because: he is learning a new phone / my phone battery was very low / he never takes my calls.
While this was going on one of my team members at work rang to escalate a serious problem with trade data that was going to have a massive impact on the business we look after and their clients.
Of course, I hadn't recharged my phone that day and there was barely any battery left.
Luckily, my team member is extremely capable and she was handling all this well, so I am not going to pretend that the world was falling down without me. But I did need to keep abreast of it and ask some key questions and let people know what was happening in case we ended up with a disaster.
My phone cut out halfway through the trip and it took me another hour and a bit to get home.
As I walked from the car to the door of our house I knew I had to plug in my phone, check my messages, call my team member, call my boss and possibly call IT people, and ideally log in and check and respond to emails.
I also knew it was an hour and a half later than I usually get home, and two little girls would be anxious to see me.
I remembered the "world's best dad" advice, and I thought: All that stuff can wait twenty minutes.
You know what helped me? Not the fact that I had to tell myself not to rush to do my work at the expense of greeting my kids - I would always have greeted my kids first! It was more the fact that it reminded me that the work stuff could wait another twenty minutes, and I didn't have to be stressed about it.
And I think that DID affect the way I greeted my kids- I was more relaxed and did not say anything that started with "I just have to..."
It took a few seconds after the first few minutes in the door to plug in my phone, and within an hour I had collected messages and called who I had to call, all stress free.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
LinkWithin
