Most of the jokes are terrible, but some are quite funny (and terrible).
Such as:
Little Monster: "Mum, can I eat my fries with my fingers?"
Mummy Monster: "No, you should eat them separately!"
What do you need to know to be a lion tamer?
More than the lion.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
European.
European who?
European in the bathroom and I need to use it!
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Euripides.
Euripides who?
Euripides pants, Eumenides pants.
A guy walks into a diner and sees a horse behind the counter. The guy can't stop staring, which prompts the horse to ask, "What's wrong, you've never seen a horse serving coffee before?"
"It's not that," said the guy. "I just never thought the bear would sell this place."
And my personal favorite:
A man went to the vet to collect his his sick dog. The vet came in carrying the dog and said, "I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to put your dog down."
The man burst into tears. "Why?"
"Because he's too heavy."
Some of these needed some explaining to the kids, whose favorite joke at the moment is that childhood classic:
Why shouldn't you play Go Fish in the jungle?
Because it's full of cheetahs!
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| corny |
Reading all these jokes reminded me of a couple of my favorites.
This one is on a Reddit thread What's the most intellectual joke you know?, and got quite a laugh at work. For those who work with (not in) IT:
A programmer's wife sent him to the shops with this instruction: "Get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, bring back a dozen." The man came home with 12 loaves of bread.
This one I saw on TV from a comedian who I had never thought was funny, and I laughed out loud, and then couldn't stop laughing, for two days. Warning - it is RUDE:
A man goes to his doctor for a physical. The doctor says, "You're going to have to stop masturbating." The man says "Why?" The doctor says, "Because I'm trying to give you a physical."Sorry.
And finally, the piece de resistance: here is my favorite joke, my "go-to" joke (do you have one?) for when people ask you to tell a joke. This won me a hamper in a work competition a couple of years ago, and it was apparently voted somewhere some time (where I first read it), the funniest joke ever.
It is the funniest joke ever!
A city guy went to visit his farmer friend in the country. His friend met him at the gate and said he still had some work to do, but suggested, "Why don't you take my gun and my dogs and go hunting?" So the city guy took his friend's rifle and whistled for the dogs, and they set off. Five minutes later he was back. "That was great," he said. "Do you have any more dogs?"
Got any good jokes? Share in the comments!
I know lots of jokes, I just forget ther punchlines.
ReplyDeleteI worked with programmers for years, so you know which joke I liked best!
Oh, thanks for the linky shout-out...made my day!
I'm very bad at remembering good jokes, or if I remember them I can't usually deliver them. So this is quite a collection for me.
DeleteAnd you're very welcome :)
Oh, doggies! Now you've put me on the spot and I can only think of rude jokes!
ReplyDeleteI hardly know any jokes rude or not!
ReplyDeleteI've never been much of a joke teller but my kids are going through a phase where they're making jokes up that aren't really funny and then getting miffed when I don't laugh...I may have to get them some joke books for practice! Thanks for linking up Jackie, so sorry for not coming by sooner, felt very under the weather this last week so hoping I've finally turned a corner now!
ReplyDeleteHa, yes, I know that phase well! My daughter was into jokes WAY before she could actually really do/understand them.
DeleteDon't worry about not visiting sooner - you have a lot to get through. Glad the gastro seems finally to be abating.