Showing posts with label work-life balance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work-life balance. Show all posts

May 9, 2017

IT NEVER ENDS

My house is a mess
It causes me stress
But not quite enough
To clean up, I confess.

I try, I do -
I know you do too -
But all I can manage
Is limit the zoo

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Posted by 3 comments:

Mar 20, 2017

Work vs Self-Promotion


Here we go: yet another article with "advice" on how to find success - this time at Forbes.com with a terrific example of the genre entitled 'Want to be successful? Quit working so hard'.

There is a solid kernel of truth in this advice, at least in the title. Being known as a 'hard worker', and slaving away at a desk job (or any job) for 12 hours a day will not generally be rewarded with 'success' in terms of money and renown.  Most of us already know this, even if some of us (ahem) only figured it out after years of doing the same.
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Aug 12, 2015

Best Twitter Accounts (at the moment)

I know not everyone likes Twitter, and lately I don't much like it either. It's all a bit exhausting. But there is still plenty of gold in Twitter. These are the accounts that are currently making me smile.


We Want Plates (@WeWantPlates)

Showcasing the worst of the restaurant craze for serving food and drink in silly things.
The photos make me LOL.




ManWhoHasItAll (@manwhohasitall)

So, so good. When you've spent a few years wrangling parenting and work AND dealing with the endless scream-worthy, useless, unfair and impossible "advice" in women's lifestyle articles, welcome to your soulmate, ManWhoHasItAll.  Turning all the stupid "work-life balance" advice for women around as if it were written for men:





I could keep going. I have retweeted so many of these I've virtually stolen the account.



Spineless Wonders (@SpinelessWonder)

I love short stories, in particular of the speculative fiction type. And I love flash fiction - when it's good (which it often is not). All last month under the hashtag #MicroLitMonth, this account put up some really great short short fiction.

Like this one



The Conversation (@ConversationEDU)

Source of excellent articles which look at issues and ideas slightly differently, with the benefit of academic insight. The articles are a good length, striking just the right balance between Buzzfeed and Longform, and they publish them all under a Creative Commons license. Nice work, The Conversation.



 God (@TheTweetOfGod)

The God we really need.

Daily Dose of Puppies (@TheDailyPuppy)

Cynical exploitation of internet-cute? Sure. But ADORABLE.




And my favourite tweet today:

Posted by 4 comments:

Jun 8, 2015

New job

I have a new job. 

After 15 years working in stockbroking operations, I am now working for a software vendor and loving it. The vendor's product is fantastic and the company is small, nimble and growing - everything I've been looking for. 

The last couple of years have seen an explosion in agile and cloud-based business and I decided a little while ago that was where I wanted to be. In my last job I worked closely with a couple of very good vendors and it really opened my eyes up to this whole "new" world of agile methods and business in "the cloud".

I've also become a bit disillusioned with much of the financial services industry. I know! It seems like such a good, honest industry, right?! Actually, what I meant by that was, the last few years have just become a bit of a downer. No one is making a lot of money, clients are understandably leery, and as a result of everyone trying lots of different things to try and find new ways of making money, the landscape is constantly changing and there is a lot of "work" but not too much excitement or optimism to go with it. I love the people I worked with - some of them for many, many years - and I did like and will miss many things about my last jobs, but it was definitely time for a change for me.

The new job has been a learning curve for me. I'll admit my first week left me absolutely exhausted. By the end of my second week I was merely fatigued. So by the end of next week I should just be tired! Full steam ahead!

With a change of workplace comes also a change in location. I've worked at the eastern end of the CBD for nearly 15 years, and am now all the way diagonally across the city, at the north-west end.  Many years ago I worked down this way and always did like it. It's a nice part of town.  It's also much, much handier for public transport, and much, much worse for driving - so after only two weeks I have thoroughly broken my previous bad habit of driving to work.  My commute now takes no longer and is much, much cheaper!

The only downside is I am too far away to meet former workmates for lunch. But I'm sure we will work something out.


So, some photos.


My last photo from atop the Herald Sun building on Flinders Street. A little sad to lose this daily view:






My last iCaramba wrap from the Blue Bag cafe on Exhibition Street :(


You can also see on the right of this photo, the iPad loaned from my old job, which I spent my last lunch break restoring to pre-me condition to return it to work - deleting my daughter's Minecraft, Instagram selfies, photo edits, apps and webpages only to remember at the end that there is a one-step "delete iPad" option in Settings.



... And so to the other end of town:

Flagstaff Gardens:






King Street:





Some of the old buildings and remnants of old Melbourne:



 



And I have no idea what this is, but I love it:




A change is as good as a holiday, right?

I hope so, because I won't be getting a holiday for quite a while.



Posted by 11 comments:

Oct 7, 2014

Drama Mama

Parents who don't do paid work outside the home will sometimes blurt out how it must be nice escaping the chaos of home to go to an office with non-sticky surfaces, cafe coffee and lunch breaks, and they are right of course. When your children are very young, work is lovely (and yes, easy) compared to staying at home.

What's hard is managing it - the juggle, the extra organisation required, the 'double shift' piling laundry, food prep and cleaning on top of a day at work, and managing the emotions of tired and overwrought family members - primarily yourself but also the children.

The other bit that's hard is The Drama.

I can't come in today, my kid's sick. I have to leave early, my kid's sick.
I have to go, my kid's just had a melt-down at school.
I'm going to be late, my kid's sick.
I need to work from home next week, my kid has a specialist appointment.
Sorry I'm late, I just couldn't get my kid ready on time today.
Sorry I'm late, my kids are sick and I had to take them to my mother's so I could come in today.
Oh, can I work from home every Thursday for awhile, so I can attend [insert crucial school/kid-related event here]?
Sorry I'm late, my kid got head lice and I had to shampoo the flammable chemicals out of her hair this morning. Oh and I have to leave right on 5 because it's my turn to do the after-school-care pick-up. And can I leave early on Friday, as I have to take my kids to the school disco which starts at 5pm?




All these are not including the myriad number of times you don't attend school events, get a friend to give your kids a lift, have your mother come by the house at 6.30am so you can leave on time, dose your kid with Panadol and send her to school and hope for the best, or win an hour-long argument with your spouse about whose turn it is to take time off work to tend to a sick child.

To make up for late starts I usually take a shorter lunch break, or I stay back a couple of times a week (and that always has consequences at home).  I'm no martyr and my job and employers and my manager are all fantastic, so I'm not complaining. Not at all.

I'm highlighting how embarrassing it is, sometimes. I don't want to be Drama Woman. I don't want to take advantage of my employer's awesome understanding and flexibility. But sometimes you have dramas.

When I was twenty-six I worked for awhile at a cafe run by two sisters. They were fairly wealthy and people grumbled that their husbands had bought the cafe for them so they would have something to do. But they learned the job quickly and they worked really hard, and they were there every day. One day one of them had her two little kids with her during closing time, and while she tried to pitch in and do all her usual work, she just couldn't in the end, so she asked me to do some extra stuff she would normally do herself. I was tired and grumpy and I did not cut her much (any) slack. I was really annoyed she had the kids there. I made it pretty obvious I was annoyed. I had to stay back later because she had kids with her, who did not belong in the workplace. I was not happy that the rest of us had to make up for her (obvious!) lack of organisation and work ethic!

Did I ever give any thought to the fact she turned up every day and worked hard, and never mentioned her kids or how she juggled her life? Did I even consider the fact that this was the only time we ever saw her kids, and that she might have been truly stuck this one day?  Did I have any compassion for what she was dealing with that day? No, I am sorry to say, I did not.  All I saw was... drama!


You can buy this shirt at Sugarbunny Shop


Posted by 8 comments:

Apr 9, 2014

Stay at work mums, full time dads and others

I have stopped using the term "working mother" or at least I am trying to.

There are no perfect terms, because the term that each group of parents invents for itself annoys the others.

"Working mother" is annoying for mothers who are not in paid employment because they are home with their children: " 'Working mother'? What the hell do they think I'm doing all day?"

"Full-time mother" is hated by mothers who work in paid employment, including me. I am a full-time mother. I am a mother 24 hours a day as is every other mother. Motherhood (or parenthood) dictates how and where I work, as much as how I am at home. Also, what?: Anytime someone is away from her kids, she is not a mother? If you're a stay at home mother, when you leave your kids at kinder, or when you have a girls' night out, are you no longer a mother?

"Non-working parent" is wrong - for the same reason that "working mother" is.

"SAHM" (Stay At Home Mum) seems to be the preferred term by most, but what about the dads? They've started using SAHD. Is that a bit ironic, because it looks like SAD? I do wonder if "stay at home" is a bit annoying as it sounds a little patronising or limiting, like "housewife". Maybe just "At Home Parent" (AHP) is better?

"WAHM" (Work At Home Mum) is the one term that no one seems to grumble about. Or maybe that's just my misconception as a WOTHM (Work Outside The Home Mum - what, not going to catch on?)

Not one of these "lifestyles" is better or worse than the others, per se. Not one is a ticket to work-life balance - we're all as stretched and unappreciated as each other. There is of course just what works best for you and your family, or more accurately, what you have to work with and what you make of it.


But regardless of the terms we use to describe "mothering", one of the things driving change most is a critical mass of fathers being home with their kids.

There are so many of them now, and not all of them have blogs of course (pfft - what do those guys DO all day?) - but the ones I've noticed most as change agents are:


"World's Best Father" (Dave Engledow): this is the guy who created all the photos of himself with his baby daughter, she in various ignored or "helping" scenarios (sitting on an ironing board while he's ironing, etc) while he is usually looking away, reading thoughtfully and holding a coffee mug with "World's Best Father" on it.  The photos are genius, encapsulating at once all the best qualities of how we regard the stereotypical dad: involved with the kids but casually; making the kids fit around him instead of the other way around; funny; relaxed; borderline-neglectful-but-actually-good-for-the-kids.  Here are a couple of samples (these are all over the internet and they are a couple of years old now, so I've decided this is okay):





Reservoir Dad: RD is awesome, because he is very proudly a SAHD, and embraces the lot that goes with it, including actual, thorough housework. Not for him the superhero vacuum and willful blindness to dirty toilets and dusty windowsills - no, he happily and manfully tackles the lot.  I actually think this is BRILLIANT. He writes about being a primary carer and shows that when it's done by a man it looks pretty similar to when it's done by a woman; this post in particular is just wonderful and I love it.


Of course, dads bring their alpha guy privilege to stay-at-home parenting, and that's simultaneously irksome and fantastic. RD admits men get more support in some ways than women as parents, and he has a robotic vacuum cleaner which makes me completely jealous ... but at the same time why wouldn't you make things better for yourself wherever you can, and why don't women do this more?  - because we do it all properly!! and we're doing six million other things you can't see!!  ... Sorry, that just slipped out. Where was I?  Anyway, having more men take on the primary carer role (and more women the breadwinner role, and more men and women working part-time and doing a bit of everything), is a good, good thing, with great advances in mutual understanding and improvement for everyone all round.


I've kind of lost my thread with this post, but think I've said what was on my mind anyway, so I'll leave it here.

Meanwhile, if you want a bit of fun, take Buzzfeed's What Type of Parent Are You quiz.

I'm "overwhelmed" which I found a little disappointing. I'd thought I had moved beyond "overwhelmed" after eight years at this parenting gig, but I guess not. Buzzfeed knows best!


Posted by 10 comments:

Mar 4, 2014

I've unfollowed all the gurus

samarttiw/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I've unfollowed all the 'live your best life' and family / planning blogs I used to read.

I still like some of them. But I don't want their stuff on my Facebook / Twitter / blog feed anymore, and here's why:

They mostly don't resemble me.  While I admire anyone who is managing their life well, has changed their life or is energetic, achieving things, healthy, happy or what have you, I think of the people that run some of these blogs the same way I think of those motivational salesman of the eighties and nineties: admirable but basically of a certain personality type, once called "Type A", who is kind of wired that way.

Their lives are not mine. I'm not saying my life is more difficult or complex (it's not), but my life is my life, and the way I live it is basically working for me as is.

I've already found my methods. It's been trial and error, like everyone's life, and I'd never claim it's perfect, but through years of living it, I've found what works for me and my family, and the limitations of every method.

Their stuff doesn't work if you work full time in an office with a commute. All those slow-cooker recipes, housework schedules and the like, don't work if you work full time and don't work at home. I know these blog writers work hard, and they juggle as all of us do, but managing what you do before you "sit down to work" [in your house] is honestly very different from having to commute to work somewhere else, and do that every day.

I don't need relentless motivation and positivism. I'm not depressed (been there), and I'm motivated to get up and go every day by the need to keep my career going and keep a roof over my kids' heads. I get pleasure from the things I like and I keep active and interested in the world. That's all I need to keep going and achieve what I have to achieve.

Their stuff is repetitive. If you read any of these blogs for any length of time you'll tend to read the same intros, tips and pep talks over and over again. These blogs are designed so that anyone can pick them up at any time; the downside of that is they can irk you if you read them regularly.

We have a basic difference in life philosophy. I believe you can get nuggets of helpful information from just about anything you read. So these blogs can provide some good tips. But I also think life is messy and sometimes hard and you can't create a system that will keep you on top of it all the time.

I kind of resent what they do.  I'll admit it. There's something about running a blog about how to blog, or how to work or how to live, or how to manage family/home life, that seems like a bit of an easy out to me. I know that's irrational and unfair. Some of these people have really good blogs. But there are some I read which make me totally understand the existence of GOMI.

There's so much more interesting stuff out there to read. I read news, online magazines, blogs, tweets, fiction, you name it. I download podcasts and listen to them while I walk or while I lie in bed (but then I tend to fall asleep halfway through). There's so much to read, and so much to make you think and keep you busy, engaged and entertained. THAT'S where I prefer to direct my internet energy.

I prefer reading small blogs. Tiny ones in fact. I love reading the regular blogs I follow to read how people like me manage life, work, family and existential despair. Yes, that means you!



Do you read any of the 'big' blogs?
Do you follow any gurus?


Posted by 12 comments:

Aug 13, 2013

What we argue about

They say that couples argue most about money, children and housework, and that does sum up MOST of the arguments Y. and I have. But it does omit one category, and that is "important things that my husband forgets to put in the school bags or take to the school office on his day off."

I leave lunch boxes, drink bottles and school notices on the kitchen table, where Y and the girls will sit and eat breakfast (or will walk past on their way to before-school care). The lunchboxes are often sitting with the school jackets the kids put on before they walk out the door. Sometimes I put the school bags themselves on the table and the lunchboxes and drink bottles and school notices next to the bags. I put out the notices and non-lunch things the night before, and I say "PLEASE don't forget these," and he says "Okay". I get the lunches out of the fridge in the morning and put them on the table, and I wake him up and remind him again: "The lunches and drink bottles are on the table, PLEASE don't forget them," and he says "yeah yeah, go, go, you'll be late for work", and I say "but PLEASE don't forget them!" and he says "I won't forget. Go!"

I remind the kids the night before, and tell them the bags are their responsibility and they have to help Daddy by getting ready and checking their bags.

I used to put things directly IN the bags, but sometimes they need to note what's going in so they will know to take it out again, and also on Y's day off HE should be doing the preparing and worrying and lunch-making, so I am trying to get him doing at least PART of the task. He's made lunches himself a few times but it can still lead to the same result, which is:

I come home at dinner time to see forgotten lunches/drink bottles/notices/whatever on the kitchen table, and to be informed by the kids that the notice is overdue and we owe $6 to the school office for lunch money.

And I round on Y and say "Really? Really?!" and he says, "I know, I'm sorry" or "OK, so I forgot!"

And I say "HOW is that even possible? They are right there where you all eat breakfast!" and I say "Do I really have to get up half an hour earlier than I already do, and wake up everyone and put everything in the bags myself and show you all what's what?"

And the kids say "It's not his fault Mum!" and sometimes I say "It's OK", and sometimes I say "Yes it is!" and sometimes I say, "It's ALL of your faults!"

And the conversation often ends with my signature line, "Do I have to do EVERYTHING in this house?" which is an unfair line because I know that I don't, but it's satisfying and self-righteous and cathartic and it's my signature line.

It's too bad Y doesn't have a blog to complain about me. If he did he could probably talk about the number of times I set my alarm at 5.30 and then turn it off and get back into bed and wake him up every 20 minutes with the snooze alarm. Because I'm sure that is quite annoying.

But he doesn't.


     This scene is a dramatic re-enactment

Posted by 8 comments:

May 21, 2013

Confession

Two things caught my eye in blog posts this week:

This post on Freakonomics about a study on the effects on a marriage and a woman's work inside and outside the house when the wife can earn more than the husband (short answer: bad);

and this post on Blue Milk about a confessional essay by a feminist man examining his own hypocrisy. In referencing this essay Blue Milk posted:

"[O]ur personal relationships are usually where our most brutal hypocrisies present themselves. I wish we talked more about that part of our lives."

I am glad to hear that this is not just me.

So okay, I'll start:


  • I resent the fact that I do more at home than my husband does, but I also sometimes do a bit more to help him feel more masculine and me feel more "wifely"
  • It is very important to me that I, the children's mother, be their primary carer - even though it makes more sense economically for their father to do it
  • I am sometimes resentful - against all fairness, logic or even what I actually want - that I didn't marry someone with a career which would allow me to be a stay-at-home mother
  • when I read blog posts by feminists I admire I often wonder about their partners, how they make their partnerships work and how many of these feelings and compromises they deal with and what if any non-feminist measures they take to "improve" their relationships


I am sure most of us have these feelings. And I am sure the important thing is how you act on them and how you talk yourself down, not the fact that you have them.

What about you?

Posted by No comments:

Apr 26, 2013

Motherhood and Autonomy


Here is one of those fantastic one-line quotations that just says so much:

Forced motherhood is a kind of slavery, because motherhood and autonomy can never coexist.

This was in the closing paragraph of Tanya Gold's excellent piece "The Anti-Abortion Lobby is Barbaric" (The Guardian Comment Is Free 22 April 2013).  (Thanks to Glosswatch for the breakaway quote and link to the article).


Leaving aside the abortion issue, just focus on this portion:
motherhood and autonomy can never coexist.

I think that little phrase is perfect.

When I was a kid I never wanted children, and my kids say they don't either. This is a natural reaction: a child sees how hard its parents work and knows kids are all-consuming; a daughter sees her mother weighed down with the burden and responsibility of parenthood in a way her father is not quite - and baulks at taking that on.

Of course kids saying they don't want kids when they grow up means nothing much - most will want them when they're grown just as I did, suddenly and fiercely, in my thirties.

But it does point to the truth that everyone sees: motherhood is all-consuming and forever. Of course I should say "parenthood", and the rise of hands-on dads and fathers taking on primary carer roles and writing and talking about it is a wonderful, wonderful thing which is changing the world.  But all over the world and even in our corner of it, it remains true that motherhood for most mothers takes over a woman's body, mind and soul, her daily life, her working style, her choices and the trajectory of her life, more totally than it does for most men.

'Mother and Child' 2010 - Nationaal Archief via Flickr



I often think of all those writers and painters in the past, married to women who were also writers, painters, sculptors or dancers, and who had children. Funny how the men's art was not much affected, while the women were far less prolific.











'13th Century Mother' by Hans via Flickr



Of course many women, especially writers, weave motherhood into their art. And many find motherhood a source of joyous creativity.  Mothers who aren't artists often feel that creativity too: times when you are in lockstep with your child and buzzing with ideas and happiness and competence.







Sometimes motherhood can feel like a delicious, secret club that men have passed up.


But there is no denying that having children curtails your freedom. Everyone knows this, and you know it before you have them. 


But still, somehow, it is a massive shock when this hits you for real. You might be nursing a fussing baby, or realising you are stuck at home for hours while they sleep, or dragging yourself out of bed when you really, really, REALLY don't want to get up. Then you're suddenly, truly aware that you can no longer do whatever you want to do.

Then there is the even worse realisation, after the first few times you have worried or panicked or seen some horrifying future for your child: this worry and fear is forever. It is never, never lessening, and it is never, never going away. Oh f...., I remember thinking, as this dawned on me. No one would ever take this on if they fully realised what lay in wait. 


If you get some time to yourself, it is limited. Very limited. I still remember the disbelief I felt when pregant while reading some tips for mothers on how to relax and recharge in a 15 minute or 30 minute window while children were occupied. 15 minutes. 15 minutes?? 

Or you get a night off, and you go out for dinner. A grown-up dinner with your friends, or a special night with your partner. And what do you think about? Your kids. (At least part of the time).



'Mother's Day'
Mother and child in Ubud, Bali, 2008 - by purplbutrfly via Flickr

Of course, there is more freedom as kids get older. But you are never "free and clear". You are never a totally autonomous being, ever again.


'A Canadian mother, Mrs Jack Wright, says goodbye to her two sons
Ralph Wright and David Wright, whom she leaves in a day nursery
while she works at a part-time job' - Toronto, 1943.
Library and Archives Canada, via Flickr

But then, who is?

No one wants complete autonomy, because that only comes with no human connections and no responsibilities.  We need both to live and thrive.

'Mother and Son', Rio Juma, Amazon, 2006
by pellaea via Flickr

'Mother Love' by ulfhams_vikingur via Flickr


Posted by 2 comments:

Apr 15, 2013

Dear Daughter: This is Why I Work

Wow. This post, on the Huffington Post parenting.com site: Dear Daughter, Here's Why I Work.

Some snippets:
Although it felt surreal to walk out the door and leave you behind the day my maternity leave ended, and I couldn't quite believe I was doing it until I was, it was also a relief to relax into some normalcy after the wondrous upheaval you brought to my life.
There is a great little list with the reasons the author works, including because it makes her happy, because they need the income, and more. And then this:
I work because -- despite my being the parent who's almost always the one walking through the door at 6 pm, the one who rarely travels for the work, the one who's keeping track of the fact that the permission slip for the field trip is due tomorrow -- you'd never ask your father why he works. His love is a given that long hours at work do nothing to diminish.
I work because even at your young age you've absorbed the subtle message that women's work is less important and valuable -- and that the moms who really love their kids don't do it.
I work because by the time you have your own daughter, I cross my fingers this will not be so.

Amen to that.

Posted by 3 comments:

Apr 10, 2013

Marissa Mayer, Telecommuting and Workplace Flexibility

This is not a sponsored post but the link to the telecommuting benefits video was sent to me by OnlineMBA.com

So by now we're all aware of Marissa Mayer, new CEO of Yahoo, who has banned working from home. Reaction has mostly been negative. Richard Branson notably disagreed with it.

Donald Trump tweeted his support for Mayer's policy, but he has been in the minority. So either most people value workplace flexibility, or perhaps many secretly agree with Mayer but are hesitant to voice up and align themselves with someone like Trump. (And in fact others have written that his praise is probably not helpful for her)

Quite often when a woman rises to a position of power, there is surprise and disappointment that she doesn't do more to champion women, flexibility, etc. But the women who rise to the top are much like the men who rise to the top: driven, ambitious and very hard-working, with little understanding or tolerance for those who are not.  Why should they be otherwise? How would they have reached where they are, if they were otherwise?

Lionel Shriver wrote a great column in Slate about Margaret Thatcher, arguing that these women are in fact good for feminism:

Margaret Thatcher was a real feminist. Not for what she said but for what she did. She did not pursue justice for her gender; women's rights per se was clearly a low priority for her. She was out for herself and for what she believed in. If we had more feminists like Thatcher, we'd have vastly more women in Parliament and the US Senate, as well as more trees and fewer tedious television talk shows. More ''feminists'' like Thatcher, the first woman to lead a major Western democracy, and young women would be clamouring to be called one, too.
(Read more: http://www.theage.com.au/comment/muscular-feminist-the-sisterhood-despised-20130409-2hjc4.html#ixzz2Q3FX1pZr)


My own immediate response to Mayer's ban on working from home was annoyance. She is having a two-week maternity leave, no doubt employs a nanny, and is planning to set up a nursery in her office. Three points here, obviously.

One: It would be nice if the occasional high-level women took longer maternity leave so the idea is not perpetuated that this type of leave is a 'holiday' and taking longer than 3 months means you're not committed to your job. Her choice though, of course. I've nothing against the short maternity leave itself - her child will be more than fine.

Two: It's much easier to manage work without flexible options like working from home when you have the top job with high pay and perks that other women in your company don't have.

Three: the nursery in the office: how is working from home worse than baby-ing at the office? I know, at the office you are "present" as Mayer argues everyone has to be. But how "present" are you going to be while settling or feeding a baby?

My second reaction was doubt about my first reaction. After all, Marissa Mayer is not a newbie or an idiot. She's an extremely experienced high-level manager. I have no idea what the culture at Yahoo is like; I can imagine a company that has stagnated a little and may be struggling with morale and engagement. Perhaps in that context some changes need to be made. I am sure she's made this decision from a smart place.


I can't speak for everyone, but here's how telecommuting benefits me:

  • I don't want to work full-time from home. I prefer being in the office, as a rule.
  • Working from home is fantastic for getting the sort of work done where you need to concentrate and work uninterrupted.
  • When I work from home it's usually because I have a specialist's appointment or something on at the school (and no, I don't attend every special event at school). On those days I love the chance to work at home, because it means I can prepare a slow-cook dinner, do a load of laundry, walk the dog and pick up my kids soon after 5pm, and still get a full day's work in.


I would love to work one day a week from home, as a regular thing. The main reason I don't is my internet connection is not reliable enough or fast enough to make it work on a regular basis.
And there's a cat.



Also, because despite the hassles and cost of commuting, I do like going into the office and working there.

But plenty of people can and do work full-time from home and this has been around long enough that we know it works.

For those who do predominantly technical or phone-based roles, there's no reason why they can't work at home, as long as the support and tech is there, and they are accountable for producing good work.

It should go without saying, if you work from home you still need childcare. That's a big one, and essential for both getting enough work done and keeping the trust and respect of your colleagues. You have to put in a really strong day's work if you want people to trust you with it and believe you're not sitting on the couch watching TV.

(Perhaps at this point picture in your head an image from The Oatmeal's brilliant cartoon 'Why working from home is both awesome and horrible')


Online MBA have put together a short video about the benefits of working from home. These include increased productivity and morale, and reduced costs. You can see the video and read the transcript here.

I am a big believer in working from home and in workplace flexibility (with accountability).  I enjoy my job and my workplace and I have a lot of respect for my manager and boss at work. I generally only work 8.30 to 5, but I'm available on the mobile anytime (including my day off) and I will regularly work overtime on projects including some nights at home. I really, really appreciate the flexibility I am allowed to get my work done in a way that suits both me and the company.


For an opposing case supporting Mayer's stance, read here.


What do you think? Do you / could you / would you work from home?



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Feb 4, 2013

What Not To Say To A Working Mother

I danced a little jig in my head when I read this blog on the Huffington Post this week.

It has now been posted on Mamamia as well and is apparently garnering a huge number of comments, which I will not be reading (no doubt many in support, and no doubt equally as many of the "I don't understand why you'd have children only to farm them out to others to raise" sort).

In What Not to Say to a Working Mom, Devon Corneal totally nails it on those questions and comments - some dumb, some nasty, some well-meaning - that all "working mothers" get from the day they hit the workforce after having a child.

Here are some snippets:

Can't you afford to stay home?  Let's assume for a minute that I can't. Let's imagine I work to help pay the mortgage and buy groceries and send our kids to college. Where does this conversation go now? Awkward, right? Next thing you know, I'm going to be asking you how much your husband earns so you can stay home. Let's agree not to go there.

There are other good reasons for working, of course, beyond the immediate budget:
...I also know that some day our kids will be off at college or started on careers of their own and I want to keep a foot in the working world so when that time comes, I'm not staring at a big gap in my resume that makes it harder for me to get a job.

And:
I also like the equality that exists in my marriage because both my husband and I put money in the bank. 

 This is a big one for me, and an unexpected beneficial side-effect from our arrangement. I know the way we live doesn't work for everyone, but I do believe, in the best of all worlds, both parents work outside the home and both parents do heavy-lifting parenting as well as cooking, cleaning and gardening, administration and the rest. The "traditional" (it's not really) model of Dad in the office and Mum at home, doesn't always but can lead to frustration and resentment on both sides, as Dad feels locked in to a career he hates, and Mum is over-burdened with the heavy-lifting parenting and emotional parenting, and each feels misunderstood and under-appreciated by the other.

 Not that that still doesn't go on in our house of course.

Here's my favourite:
There's always time to work later, these early years are so precious.  All the years are precious. 
Absolutely. OK, I know where people are coming from. Those early years are special, as you get to know your child and get to know yourself as a parent, and as children grow and change so fast. But I think people get so hung up on the years before pre-school that it's as if the years following are worth nothing. School years are also immensely important; as are tween years, and teen years. I have never prized the early years any higher than those.
Here's my second favourite:
Why did you have kids only to let someone else raise them?  ....We are grateful and proud to have wonderful people who help us -- from family to friends to teachers and babysitters. But make no mistake, my husband and I are raising our kids. 

 That old thing - that if you're working then other people are raising your kids. It's everywhere in popular culture - in books and films written by people who don't have kids (The Nanny Diaries) and others (Paris Je T'aime - the scene where the struggling mother drops her baby to the cold, institutional, Romanian-orphanage-style daycare centre). I admit before I went back to work I also worried this was true, and I worried about kids loving their carers more than us, or crying for their carers when they were upset with us. It didn't happen. It doesn't. I was assured "Don't worry, babies and kids always know who their mum and dad are", but it's more than that. Kids always love their mum and dad the most. And what's more, you're still as involved with your kids as any other parent. That scene in I Don't Know How She Does It where the frazzled career mum has no idea whether her son likes broccoli or not? As ridiculous as suggesting this of a "stay at home" mum. 


Two anecdotes from my own world


Someone judges me...
Once when I had recently returned to work (and yes, I was feeling guilty and a little sad about it), I went to a movie one night with a friend and her friend G. G had her twins at the same time as me. Unlike me, her husband had a career job with steady pay and good entitlements; her husband was the main breadwinner; her house had been bought earlier so her mortgage was smaller, and she had taken time off work to spend "the early years" with her children. See how those things go together? I'm not implying that G and her husband didn't sacrifice, struggle, plan mightily and scrimp and save to do this. I'm just saying it was possible for them in a way it was not for us.

 G asked me what I was doing and I said I was working. Her comment? "Oooh, that's unusual."

 My reply? Not as feisty as it would be now. Now I would say "Actually it's not at all unusual." (Yes, I have replayed this scene in my head just a few times).

 At the time I said, "Oh well, I'm working now and the kids are really happy and thriving and I plan to switch to part-time work down the track when the kids are in school."  (And this was indeed always my plan).

 Her response: "Oh, but the years before school are so critical."

 My response: again, not as good as it would be now. But even in my swallowed hurt and anger I found it ridiculous that anyone would discount the school years as less important. Playground squabbles? Homework? Struggles with independence and obedience? There's a lot going on there, baby.
...And I judge someone else
While I was still off work and my girls were babies, a mum at our local Multiples club recounted her story. She and her husband were both teachers and had decided she would take "the early years" off work. In order to do this, they'd sold their house and were renting.  Now, while this level of sacrifice (and guts) are admirable, to me, I admit this seemed a step too far. At that time the housing market was booming and even now post-GFC house prices continue to rise in Australia. It's a fair bet that unless their financial situation improved dramatically (or she went back to work), they would struggle to buy a house again later and could also end up locked into increasing rents and a difficult rental market.  

 Of course they probably took all this into account, and of course plenty of people make the choice to sell up and rent for all sorts of reasons. But I couldn't help think that the current obsession for being able to "stay home" for "the early years" has created unrealistic expectations and placed undue burdens of stress and guilt on those of us who can't do it.

 It's just not the case that every family can afford one parent at home for a few years.  It's not a matter of being selfless and giving up McMansions and fancy TVs. If you are both on low pay, or one wage is not steady, or you bought your house recently and your mortgage is large, then these days, both parents work. Then, yes, there may be some extra discretionary cash available for a new TV, but that doesn't mean you would save a bucketload by not working. Also, while spending time with your children is critically important, providing financial security and keeping finance-based stress to a minimum are also important parts of raising children. (Not that everyone should be working outside the home - just don't assume that nobody has to).

In conclusion

 I will say quite honestly that I hand-on-heart loved being home with my babies, and I did return to work when they were eight months old for financial reasons. That last night of my maternity leave I cried and I wished things were different.

 But our arrangement had benefits as well, and I haven't hesitated to share those with women at work who have asked me (as well as the drawbacks).  It's not just financial - having spare cash, being able to pay off a mortgage and accumulate super that will provide long-term security - or about job security.  I honestly believe my husband is a better father than he would have been otherwise. I honestly know that my kids had wonderful, loving and beneficial years at day-care. And, they also accept a couple of days of before- and after-school care now, because they are used to being cared for outside the home. (After all, you can't stay home forever - at some point most mums must go back to work).

 Everyone is different. In my perfect world, I would work three days a week at a stimulating, fulfilling job where I was respected and made full use of my knowledge and strengths, my husband would not be worked off his feet, we'd have enough super saved up for some kind of retirement and our mortgage would be negligible.

 Until then... back to work! 
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Jan 9, 2013

Whole Life LinkedIn

The very funny Kory Ford once tweeted that LinkedIn was "the awkward dork of the social media world."
That's as maybe, but it seems to be gaining some traction over the last year or so (i.e., since I have started actually using it??*).

So, what with all of us morphing from people and employees into social media brands these days, what if LinkedIn changed to reflect the entire person you are?

I'm not sure if this would make it less awkward dorky or more so, but it would be very handy for parents returning to work after a long absence, non-corporate types and... bloggers looking for a quick blog post topic...

For example, my current LinkedIn profile looks something like this:

__________________________________________________________________


SUMMARY
I have 12 years' experience in stockbroking operations with particular strengths in equity and options trade clearing, data and documentation management, and compliance. I am also good at managing and developing staff.
   [exciting, no??]

EXPERIENCE
[list of positions held]

LANGUAGES
Greek

SKILLS AND EXPERTISE
Most endorsed for:
Operations Management - Stockbroking Operations - Project Implementation - Documentation

JACKIE ALSO KNOWS ABOUT...
Data Management - Staff Management - Options - Electronic Trading - Equity Derivatives... etc etc etc


              __________________________________________________________________


But my Whole Life LinkedIn profile might look more like this:

____________________________________________________________________


SUMMARY

I have 12 years' experience in stockbroking.....(etc)
I have 7 years' experience parenting, managing mess and stress, juggling competing priorities, reducing goals and expectations, coping with adversity and coping with not coping. I am very good at compartmentalizing work and home life as men are supposed to be. 


LANGUAGES

Greek
Greek-English mix (including English words spoken in Greek accent while speaking Greek)
Swearing under breath
Child-safe exclamations (Golly! Jinkies! Goodness Gracious!)


SKILLS AND EXPERTISE
Most endorsed for:

Decision making
Undoing toy packaging
Geleez
Blingles
Play-Doh pizza
Merging onto freeways
Drawing pictures for kids 
Making up songs and rhymes
Plunger coffee
Smoothies and milkshakes
Recognising reflux
Making friends with dogs


JACKIE ALSO KNOWS ABOUT...

Quick and easy meals
The Disney canon
Laundry
New release non-fiction
Twitter

           ____________________________________________________________________



What would your Whole Life LinkedIn look like?


Image by Stuart Miles at freedigitalimages.net

*I'm a late adopter, so if I'm using it everyone's using it.
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