May 12, 2015
Blowback: Mothers' Day
Last week was the occasion of that glorious annual institution, the school Mother's Day Stall.
A. announced she intended to spend her own money on me for her gift this year. "That's lovely, honey, but you don't have to do that," I said (stupidly). "I'll give you both $5 each to spend."
A asked, "Next year will you give us more pocket money and we pay for our own gifts?"
"Why yes," I said proudly, "That is indeed the plan, and is how pocket money should work. We'll start that next year." (We've talked about it before, I just have to work out how much pocket money I'm going to give them, so they can manage it).
M did not even hesitate. "Well, if we do that, I'll just buy really really cheap presents."
Oh yeah. Obviously.
Our work continues.
May 3, 2015
Still here
I will post something again, but life is busy and changing, my kids are getting older and I can't really blog about them anymore, and work is getting exciting, and so things are a bit different. All in a good way. Life is good.
In lieu of a proper post, here is a quick list of how I've been spending my time. Ciao for now!


RE-ARRANGING FURNITURE

COMMUTING


COOKING

GODDAMN LAUNDRY

KIDS AND THEIR FRIENDS
SWIMMING (a little bit)

DOG
LATE NIGHT STUDYING

NECESSARY PRODUCTIVITY BREAKS / FURTHER BRAIN TRAINING

NETFLIX

Mar 24, 2015
IMDB message boards (with movie spoilers)
Here are some things I've watched recently and my favourite comments from the IMDB message boards.
This post has SPOILERS for all the movies included here, so read on forewarned!
Drag Me To Hell
Drag Me To Hell is a great horror-comedy about a loan officer whose hard-hearted business decision at work leads an old gypsy woman to curse her with three days of torment followed by being dragged to hell. Many of the message board discussions are around whether or not Christine deserved to be dragged to hell, for what she did, or the kind of person she is. Dragged to hell. For an eternity of pain and torment. I love the fact people think they can debate whether or not a person (any person?!) would deserve this.
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| Fair use rationale of movie posters: ditto |
Christine is a vegetarian, which in my book earns her some points as a compassionate person. She kills her cat to try to appease the demon, hoping that she will be able to avoid spending eternity in Hell. I think that's totally understandable.
Why exactly did that old woman need a third extension on her mortgage? Isn't the whole point of being a gypsy means you're constantly on the move with no permanent roots?
In reply to an argument in a thread:
You are assuming that all demons behave the same way under all circumstances.
Also opens up a side discussion on the merits of banks and capitalism generally, and the fairness or not of loan extensions.
The Walking Dead
I'm not a huge fan of The Walking Dead. I found the first episode absolutely compelling, but it kind of seems to be the same thing over and over again, and it doesn't really seem to be going anywhere. I watched Seasons 1 and 2 and felt I had probably got the idea. But it's an interesting take on the zombie apocalypse and it's done the visuals and tropes a bit differently, so I still watch it occasionally.One user review opines that this show is good because of character development (hmm, arguable), which is "not usually a very big trait in the Zombie genre." Um, yes, that is true.
There is a question about why we don't see characters using bicycles more, which opened up a whole discussion about whether bikes or cars are better transport during a zombie apocalypse, including their merits with regard to fuel use, speed, dexterity, ability to use weapons while riding, conservation of fighting energy, etc.
There is a discussion about how strong zombies are, whether newly minted ones are stronger and then decay, or whether the virus has made them strong.
Here's a very good point too:
...inconsistency that allows a rag tag group with no training to survive yet had the military and police be wiped out in a week.
and this one:
Where are all the fat walkers? America is full of overweight folks. Stands to reason about 50% of the walkers we see should be heavy.
Not to mention the show takes place in the south so 70% of the walkers should be crisco filled fatties.
and:
Why aren't we seeing any child walkers?
LOL cos child actors suck at that!
127 Hours
127 Hours is the true story of Aron Ralston, who got trapped by a fallen boulder while hiking in the Utah desert, and after suffering for days without food and water, finally amputated his arm with a pocket blade, before rapelling down a cliff face and walking to find help. While it might not sound that entertaining, it's actually a pretty good movie. James Franco stars and is unbelievably good.As you'd expect, most of the message board comments focus on the real-life story:
Be honest, could you have done what he did?
NO I would have literally $hit myself within the first 10 minutes, I would have used all the water in few hours and slit my throat by second day lol.
Why didn't he wait for like a month and get super skinny? And just pull his arm out?
It would have rained eventually and he wouldnt have needed to cut the arm off.
In response to a serious post "don't actually drink your own urine, it's full of salt, etc":
Wow. Thanks for that great tip. I shall make sure I never drink my own p!ss. Good job I read this post.
OP - would it be OK to drink your own p!ss if you filter it first through, oh, I don't know, a sponge or a sock full of sand? You know, only if you were really really thirsty and miles from home?
How could he drink that puddle water at the end?
am i the only one...
i guess not being familiar with mr. ralston's back story, i found the unexpected display of foolhardy stupidy.. er, bravado, totally devoid of anything i could have empathized with or relate to on a human level..
worse yet, after the movie was over, all i kept thinking about is that he deserved it..
in fact, halfway through it, i had completely lost interest and kept openly rooting for him to cut his arm off and put himself and the audience out of our collective misery..
Internet comment forums are well known for compassion.
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
I just saw this movie yesterday and there was one detail I started to notice after about an hour. None of the apes seemed to have genitals. You can clearly see that during some frontal shots. I looked it up on the internet and it seems I'm not the only one to complain about this.
Some good responses:
Guess CGI penis is a bit too risque for a major studio like Fox.
Movies like this don't want nudity, they want to sell the tickets to the entire family if they can... it's not an art-house picture.
And an ethical discussion:
If a cure for cancer could only be found by animal testing....would you approve of it? I certainly would. I'm 110% against animal testing for cosmetics but for curing horrible illnesses and pandemics (such as AIDS), I think it's a necessary evil.
Cancer, yes.
HIV/AIDS, no.
???! Let's hope this guy isn't tasked with making actual ethical decisions ever.
Romancing the Stone
My absolute favourite movie from the 80s, recently re-watched. There is some funny discussion on 1980's aesthetics, including synth pop music soundtracks, shoulder pads, curly hair and non-whitened Hollywood teeth.
But also:
A friend recommended this movie to me. Just want to check, is this movie ok for men to enjoy? Or is it more of a girls movie? (I ask because of the title)
(better not take the risk, dude!)
And a justifiable complaint here, as movies from this era had a cringingly awful habit of fetishising foreign places:
It would be nice if Hollywood people did some research about Colombia. I live in the capital city Bogota. Remember they had to take a funny bus to go to Bogota? well guess what, Bogota has an airport! We don't have monkeys on trees even if you travel from one city to another. Bogota is not some hot tropical city as they depict, it's average 13 celsius.
- followed by an argument between commenters over whether Colombia is tropical or not, whether it's dangerous or not, and finally one exhorting a commenter to get a Colombian girlfriend to do some research because American girls are all fat and awful.
This movie contains a visual trope I have since seen in many, many movies set in far-off places, which I've mentioned before: bus passengers carrying live chickens. It seems to be a Hollywood shorthand for 'poor country'.
Big Eyes
Big Eyes is Tim Burton's latest film, the true story of artist Margaret Keane whose husband falsely took credit for her work and gained it international fame/notoriety (not everyone was a fan) in the 1950s-60s. I'm not a big Tim Burton fan but thankfully this film was Bonham-Carter/Depp free and I loved it. However the message boards asked two questions I had wondered myself:How did Margaret get the money to fly to Hawaii and buy a house?
(not really explained... commenters assume they had cash stashed in the house but still doesn't really explain it... But apparently the real Margaret Keane left Walter for another man, which is not as cinematically dramatic as running for her life out of a burning studio, but would explain the cash question a bit better). But, you know, in movies women can't leave husbands for other men as it makes them unsympathetic.
Why does Margaret's daughter sit in the back seat of the car?
I mean this was the 1950s! Safety-conscious parents just made sure their kids weren't riding on the hood or the roof of the car, right? But following a long string between commenters back and forth about whether 1950s parents made kids sit in the back seat or not, and whether throwing your arm in front of your kid's chest will stop them flying through the windscreen in the event of a crash (it will not), the consensus is reached that it was done mainly for visual effect, which is fine by me.
The final post in the thread is by "tomisinthehouse" who says simply:
What a dumb question.
Well no it isn't, tomisinthehouse, because I had the same question and I am not dumb! So there.
Mar 18, 2015
Here, I've fixed it: Dear Future Husband
If you're not familiar with Meghan Trainor's "Dear Future Husband", the real lyrics are here.
Now obviously, this is a light-hearted pop song, depicting a girl fantasizing about her ideal husband, a man she seems to know does not really exist. The 1950's sound make it an obvious retro-fantasy, and it's clearly not meant to be taken seriously ("Even if I was wrong / You know I'm never wrong / Why disagree?"). So obviously, I know this is just a fun silly song and not an actual guide to life.
But I still hate it!
I hate that whole "treat me like a lady" thing, and don't want my daughters to learn it.
I hate that whole "you better treat me right" thing, and that whole "you have to love me even when I'm batshit crazy" thing.
I hate that whole "if you treat me like a princess I'll have sex with you happily" crap that no one really means or can keep up in real life anyway.
So I've made the lyrics a bit better:
Dear Future Husband Partner
I'll be the perfect wife
Buying groceries
Buy-buying what you need
We'll treat each other right
No one's the perfect wife
Buying groceries
You got that 9 to 5
But, baby, so do I
So don't be thinking I'll be home and baking apple pies
I never learned to cook
But I can write a hook
Sing along with me
Sing-sing along with me (hey)
Dear future
Here's a few things
If you wanna get that special lovin'
Tell me I'm beautiful each and every night
After every fight
And maybe then
Why disagree?
Why, why disagree?
Dear future
Dear future
Make time for me
I'll be sleeping on the left side of the bed (hey)
Open doors for me
Or if I'm first through, I'll hold the door for you
Don't have a dirty mind
at least not all the time
Just be a
You don't have to Buy me a ring
Buy-buy me a ring, (babe)
Dear future
Here's a few things
Dear future husband,
If you wanna get that special loving
Tell me I'm beautiful each and every night
Future
______
Not quite as catchy, I'll agree - but MUCH BETTER!
Now to get my daughters singing along to this version...
Mar 10, 2015
Threes
1. Three things that scare me:
- poverty
- extremism: the ultra conservative right and the radical left
- fire
- Phil Dunphy (Modern Family)
- Rebel Wilson
- John Stewart
- solitude
- dogs
- pens
- extremism
- boasting (including Humblebrags) on Facebook and Instagram
- loud noises
- How perfectly nice, decent people can be so hardcore unsympathetic to those less fortunate than themselves (eg the Americans' deep antipathy to universal health care; many people's attitudes towards asylum seekers; how people with good jobs and earning good money don't understand they are also lucky)
- men's rights activists
- how The Greens would run a viable economy
- towering pile of papers, DVDs, kids' drawings and notebooks
- pack of my daughter's Hubba Bubba
- a two-pole puncher that hasn't been used in years
- blogging
- laundry
- re-watching Final Destination 2 on DVD
- data mining and analysis
- learn a language fast
- talk in rhyming couplets
- sing
- mix colours into ready-to-roll icing
- watch cricket
- birdsong in the morning when everything else is quiet
- your favourite music, regularly
- opposing points of view, at least sometimes
- talk-back radio
- advertising aimed to make you feel inadequate
- anyone who claims to cure cancer with food
- how to write a novel
- how to stay calm and relaxed
- ballroom dancing
- chocolate
- spanokopita: Greek spinach and cheese pie
- steak
- coffee
- Coke Zero
- water
- Bewitched
- The Flintstones
- Get Smart
Mar 8, 2015
The destruction of Nimrud by ISIS
In 2001 when the Taliban blew up the Bamiyan Buddhas in Afghanistan, the world was aghast. During the Iraq War when the Baghdad Museum was looted there was condemnation and outrage.
It's possible the world has got used to these wanton displays of barbarism. But I think there is something else.
The atrocities of ISIS have been so horrific and so many, and their brand of Islam so ignorant and barbaric, that we can only feel a sort of numbed sadness, but no surprise, at these latest crimes (which, obviously, are NOTHING compared to their crimes against humans).
Also, we now know how ISIS operate. With their English-language magazine, beheadings on Twitter, and horrific rhetoric, we know they need shock, outrage and publicity. They want us to be outraged, to feed their campaign of fear.
So I am detecting, in the comparatively muted media response to the destruction of Nimrud, a refusal to play into that. And this is definitely MY feeling in response as well.
Hey ISIS:
You destroyed the idolatrous statutes in the Mosul Museum? You bulldozed Nimrud? And you're going to bulldoze Nineveh too? Well SO WHAT.
You've beheaded aid workers and journalists. You've mutilated children, raped and sold girls into slavery, terrorized and tortured your populations. You've just burned a man to death in a cage, you barbaric thugs. You want to destroy your region's heritage, and knock down structures which pre-date Mohammad by centuries and have nothing whatsoever to do with Islam? You want to bulldoze ancient statues and treasures which already exist in a million photos and textbooks and videos worldwide, and so won't ever be erased?
Well go for it, you thick, ignorant psychopaths. Knock it all down, and just watch how much the world is not going to give one single shit.
Idiots.
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| "Iraq; Nimrud - Assyria, Lamassu's Guarding Palace Entrance" by M.chohan - Own work. Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons |
Mar 7, 2015
Plainly wrong scientific theories
Here are some examples of theories which I have decided, after long thought and using no science whatsoever, are completely wrong.
1. The Multiverse
The multiverse is a very cool, intriguing idea that everyone loves but it just doesn't stand up. The idea is that there are an infinite number of universes, with an infinite number of possibilities. Which immediately raises the stock response, that an infinite number of universes and possibilities must include one where the multiverse doesn't exist. Plus, like, doesn't "the universe" mean "everything"? So if there are multiple universes aren't they all just part of "the universe"?One of the theories around the multiverse is that the universe splits every time two or more possibilities exist. In simple (and probably wrong) terms, one example could be every time you make a decision. So if you turned down a job, or decided not to move to another country, then another universe exists where you accepted that job or moved to that country. Or another universe exists where JFK wasn't assassinated, Hitler drowned as a toddler, or the US didn't invade Iraq. You can see the immediate appeal of such a theory, and I don't think immensely clever theoretical physicists are any more immune to "what if" fantasies than the rest of us.
The problem with this idea is that it gets ridiculous pretty fast. More than one possibility exists all the time. So if I have cereal instead of toast this morning, or my cat jumps right instead of left, the universe splits and another me and another cat, pursue their different lives. And along with us, we take all our family members and furniture and casual acquaintances with us. But why? To what end? In the end this theory just doesn't make any sense.
In my favourite bit from Futurama (episode: I Dated A Robot), Fry travels to the edge of the universe and sees alternate versions of himself and his friends looking back at them.
Fry: Far out! So there really is an infinate number of universes?
Professor Farnsworth: No, just the two.
2. The Theory of Everything
Scientists have been searching for a unifying theory that will explain the universe and reconcile general relativity and quantum mechanics, many convinced that such a single, unifying explanation of all things must exist. And what has been the best suggestion to date? String theory. The universe is made up of tiny vibrating strings and mini-universes. (I might have that a bit wrong).I think this is a limitation of our brains - we love "truth in beauty", we love balance and harmony and we don't like loose ends. Is that a sign that the universe is the same? Or just a side effect of our wiring which has served us well in our evolutionary history?
Who says all the workings of the universe have to be unified? It's a natural assumption, and one I guess we all secretly believe (me as well). But actually it seems not to be the case. Why should it be the case? No one can really come up with a reason, other than appealing to logic and "elegance" or "beauty" which may really be things that our logical, orderly minds require more than actual physical laws.
I actually think that searching for a unifying theory of everything is the equivalent of believing in a God.
3. Quantum behaviour
OK, I might, just might, be wrong about this one. But I (like some scientists) have decided that the weird effects that are seen at the quantum level are more about a failure of our brains to perceive what's happening, than reality. Part of the reason I think this is because throughout history (and throughout my own education and growing up), every time an idea or phenomenon initially seems weird and awesomely magical and unknowable, it turns out to be actually very explainable and to make sense in a much more prosaic way than we imagined. So I think quantum stuff will too. One day.4. The idea that humans have unique cognition
Humans are - perhaps - different from other animals, but anyone who has or works with animals knows the differences are over-stated. Sure, laypeople anthropomorphise their pets' behaviour, and yes, humans have complex language and can conceptualise complex ideas like multi-verses. But do we really know that other animals don't do this as well, in their own way? No we do not.5. Climate Change
Ha ha, just kidding. Climate change is real, kids.Feb 25, 2015
Crickets
Feb 23, 2015
How to fix financial advice
The financial advice industry is broken. Scandal after scandal has made this obvious. Where can you go for quality, impartial, appropriate advice? Not this venerable investment bank. Not this retail bank. Not this retail bank either. And likely not anywhere else, unless you accept what seems to be the 50/50 odds that you will get good advice anywhere.
The problem?
Bad apple advisers, yes. But the problem for the industry as a whole?
Complexity, combined with a manual, subjective process.
The world of personal and wholesale financial investment has become too complex for individuals to manage alone, too complex for regulators to police it at the advice level, and too complex for financial advice firms to manage their advisers with the rigor and detail obviously required.
As someone who has worked in broking operations for many years, I can attest that there are, in fact, many good, skilled and decent advisers out there. They work hard for their clients and take pride in their work. But finding them is the problem. If you do not have high net worth, you are not likely to meet them.
I think the solution is to move the industry online, in the way insurance has. More recently, retail legal services have started to move online as well.
Broking already works reasonably well online. Yes, brokerage firms need to be very careful with their algorithms and constant monitoring and tinkering is required. But running a ComSec is a hell of a lot easier and ultimately more viable than running a JB Were.
I see a future - within a very short time, if a royal commission into financial advice goes ahead and accelerates things - where financial products are almost exclusively sold online, and "advice" is algorithm-based. Clients will enter their details and answer a questionnaire to set their profile and financial goals and determine their risk tolerance, and they will be guided towards simplified products that will serve them as well as anything on offer now. Every year, for their investments to continue, clients will be prompted to re-identify themselves and re-assess their investments. This whole vetting and profile setting process would work much better, and be less risky for firms as well. Compliance obligations around client assent to advice, client receipt of terms and conditions, and client identification are many times easier to manage online, as is record keeping and retention. Algorithms can monitor advisor-client activity and commissions. An iSelect-style model would encourage good competition and keep offerings simple and transparent.
Canny advisers should get in now, work with a web developer and a compliance expert to set up a website, then approach APRA and ASIC and suggest the mutual benefits of support for this product.
It's well beyond time. Retail customers cannot be any worse off than they are at present.
Feb 22, 2015
The end of austerity?
After a bit of a stand-off, Greece and the Eurozone and the IMF reached a compromise agreement on Friday which was less than the PM wanted but enough to (just) allow him to save face and present it as the first step in an ongoing campaign to end the austerity regime.
Austerity, in 2010, seemed the natural and only solution. Greece was, in the words of George Papandreou at the time, 'on the edge of the abyss'. Successive governments over the decades had run the economy on a toxic mixture of socialism, neglect and corruption, and the mess had been steadily exacerbated by its inclusion in the Eurozone. (Greece expected a free kick - instead it lost the little control it had over its crappy economy and got pummeled).
The first time I felt angry on behalf of Greece was when some Eurozone countries suggested kicking Greece out of the Eurozone in punishment for obviously cooking the books to get in in the first place. That made me angry because, HELLO, when Greece got into the Eurozone so early and so easily everyone KNEW they had obviously cooked the books, including EVERYONE IN THE EUROZONE. The fact was Europe wanted to get all the major countries in quickly and to build up its base and power and was quite prepared to overlook the fact Greece could not possibly, under any true test, have met the economic conditions required.
The second time was when the IMF advised the UK in 2013 to go easy on austerity measures because, hmm, as it turns out, austerity is damaging; the IMF then admitted to having underestimated the damage the Greek bailout conditions would wreak on the country.
I have also felt angry on behalf of the Greek people, most of whom, like any other people, are hard working and honest and have nothing to do with the crap their governments have created.
Of course, as a non-Greek who has learned Greek, married a Greek, lived in Greece and generally been steeped in Greek culture for many years, my feelings about Greece are complicated.
During the time I lived there, I liked and admired the Greek lifestyle, but find the spontaneity and constant socializing exhausting (what do introverts do in Greece?). I liked how hard working people are in small businesses and at home, but could not fail to notice the bloated incompetence rampant in the public service. (Go to a post office, or any government department, in 1996 and you will see what I saw. Ten people behind every counter smoking cigarettes and ignoring or yelling at the public).
When we visited in 2012, the country was visibly, badly struggling, Closed shop faces were everywhere, even down at prime real estate like on waterfront strips.
But, three anecdotes:
(1) When I broke my arm at Athens Airport I was treated initially at the airport's first aid clinic, a gleaming, impressive facility massively overstaffed and under-medecined. The people were all very nice but didn't seem to have a lot to do. While we waited outside for an ambulance to take us to hospital, two of the paramedics came outside and waited with us, smoking cigarettes and chatting to us the whole time, which was almost an hour.
(2) The ambulance workers and people at the hospital all did a great job. Even the scary bone-setter who I never want to see again. The hospital was terrifying, grimly under-resourced with the air of a third-world clinic. But even so, my treatment there was good - and completely free. Even though I am not a Greek citizen and I had full travel insurance, I wasn't charged anything for the clinic treatment, the ambulance ride or the hospital treatment, nor the follow-up hospital visit one week later.
(3) I still remember the wide-eyed horror on a friend's face when we told her that in offices in Australia we all work eight-hour days. "Like Germany," she said. "You must all fall into your beds exhausted each night!"
Of course, things are not so simple under the surface. Greek office workers might start work at 8 and finish at 2, but they come home and scrub their houses from top to bottom and cook two meals a day. Oh, I mean the women of course. But also, who knows what was going on behind the scenes of the things I could see? I can admit that one day's observation of the Athens Airport clinic is not a good enough basis from which to make any observations at all. And when a country is that far down the plug hole, who's to say that hanging onto too many staff isn't better than adding to the massive unemployment?
But even so, these three things all made me think, Holy shit, Greece, no wonder you're in trouble!
But, like France attempting the 36-hour work week, it is admirable at the same time, isn't it? I love the audacity of resisting the capitalist juggernaut, at least a little. God knows, we all do work too hard and too much, and some changes would be nice.
But the problem is, much as we lament the hamster wheel of working hard to pay for things we suspect we might not quite need, there doesn't seem to be an economically sustainable way to operate otherwise.
Or is there? In recent times, thanks to the longest, deepest global recession since the 1930s, and thanks in part to poor, poor Greece, the tide has appeared to turn against 'austerity politics'.
It will be very interesting to see what happens in four months time, in the next round of negotiations between Greece and the Eurozone. I am sure another compromise will be found, that will allow both sides to claim a win to their constituents. And if the compromises continue, as the tide continues to turn against the punishing austerity paradigm, then perhaps we'll start to see, some steady accumulation of relief for Greece as well.
As for the photo below, I don't know where it originally came from but I got it from @Circa on Twitter and it seems just perfect for meme treatment. Caption suggestions, anyone?
I'll start:
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| 'How long are we going to play chicken?' 'I don't know, I wasn't thinking past the election.' |








