Mar 18, 2015

Here, I've fixed it: Dear Future Husband

There is a song that is currently HUGE on the tween girl circuit that is so teeth-grindingly annoying to me that I was very glad to see Salon just called it out for being "the worst".

If you're not familiar with Meghan Trainor's "Dear Future Husband", the real lyrics are here.

Now obviously, this is a light-hearted pop song, depicting a girl fantasizing about her ideal husband, a man she seems to know does not really exist. The 1950's sound make it an obvious retro-fantasy, and it's clearly not meant to be taken seriously ("Even if I was wrong / You know I'm never wrong / Why disagree?"). So obviously, I know this is just a fun silly song and not an actual guide to life.

But I still hate it!

I hate that whole "treat me like a lady" thing, and don't want my daughters to learn it.
I hate that whole "you better treat me right" thing, and that whole "you have to love me even when I'm batshit crazy" thing.
I hate that whole "if you treat me like a princess I'll have sex with you happily" crap that no one really means or can keep up in real life anyway.

So I've made the lyrics a bit better:

Dear Future Husband Partner

Dear future husband partner,
Here's a few things
You'll need to know I think will help us if you we wanna be
My one and Each other's only all my life our lives

Take me Let's go on a date
I We deserve it, babe
And don't But let's forget the flowers every anniversary
'Cause if you'll treat me right
I'll be the perfect wife
Buying groceries
Buy-buying what you need

We'll treat each other right
No one's the perfect wife
And we'll take turns
Buying groceries
Buy-buying groceries

You got that 9 to 5
But, baby, so do I
So don't be thinking I'll be home and baking apple pies
I never learned to cook
But I can write a hook
Sing along with me
Sing-sing along with me (hey)

You gotta know how I don't want you to treat me like a lady
Even when I'm acting But never tell me that I'm crazy
Tell me everything's Gaslighting's never alright

Dear future husband partner,
Here's a few things
You'll need to know I think will help us if you we wanna be
My one and Each other's only all my life our lives
Dear future husband,
If you wanna get that special lovin'
Tell me I'm beautiful each and every night

After every fight
Just We'll both apologize
And maybe then I'll let you try and rock my body right we'll hold each other tight
Even if I No matter who was wrong 
You know I'm never wrong We won't stay mad for long 
Why disagree?
Why, why disagree?

Dear future husband partner,Here's a few things
You'll need to know I think will help us if you we wanna be
My one and Each other's only all my life our lives (hey, baby)
Dear future 
husband partner,
Make time for me
Don't leave me lonely And I'll make time for you
And know we'll never see your family more than mine And we'll take turns to see our families all our lives 

I'll be sleeping on the left side of the bed (hey)
Open doors for me and you might get some kisses if you go through them first, 

Or if I'm first through, I'll hold the door for you
Don't have a dirty mind 

at least not all the time
Just be a classy decent guy
You don't have to Buy me a ring
Buy-buy me a ring, (babe)

You gotta know how I don't want you to treat me like a lady
Even when I'm acting But never tell me that I'm crazy
Tell me everything's Gaslighting's never alright

Dear future husband partner,
Here's a few things
You'll need to know I think will help us if you we wanna be
My one and Each other's only all my life our lives

Dear future husband,
If you wanna get that special loving
Tell me I'm beautiful each and every night

Future husband partner, better let's love me each other right


Not quite as catchy, I'll agree - but MUCH BETTER! 
Now to get my daughters singing along to this version...


  1. I really hate the conventional but then I rather like the idea of a wife or husband being at home and bringing up children. Girls may well fantasise about the perfect husband, and then they will go down a long and hard road while they try to fulfil their dreams.

    1. I grew up with a mum at home full time and it was indeed great - for us. Not so much for her though. It's a difficult balance to find.

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  3. Err, you didn't did too badly, methinks.

  4. I agree with equal, but we can still treat women special. I've been married to bat-shit crazy, it is just a saying here, but the real thing,the real BAT-SHIT crazy is just something that you can not live with.

    Your version is better, i guess the kids can understand the lyrics, I seldom can...we're on a different wave length.

    The trouble with music for kids is these words are just one persns idea of how things should be (even though as you say some is tongue in cheek) kids treat it like Gospel of how life should be...well some do.

    Anyway, nice post.

    1. Thanks. It's probably no big deal really. My kids know what I think of the lyrics but they still enjoy the song and that's fine. Except I've had it stuck in my head for 2 days!!

  5. Hi Jackie,

    That is a truly terrible song. I could sit here and type an essay about what is wrong with it and if I removed the expletives it would STILL be a massive comment.

    And the lyrics are absolutely dreadful. I hate this song! I hate this song so much.

    And I'll bet it's on Radio One's playlist.

    Your rewrite of the lyrics improves the song but I reckon I could do better:

    Dear music lover,
    Here's a few things
    You'll need to know
    If you wanna have
    a conversation with PM

    Don't buy this bloody song
    Don't buy this bloody song
    And while you're at punch Simon Cowell in the face ...

    I think you get my drift.




  6. Unsurprisingly I hadn't heard the song.
    Still shuddering after reading the original lyrics.
    Yours are much more better.

    1. Living with 9 year olds means I can't escape this song unfortunately

  7. so strange song.. buth thanks for sharing

  8. Gaslighting?

    I think I just assumed my lady would never do that...

    Now you're making me wonder if I should've put it in a prenup (in 1977 though, so probably unlikely now).



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