Do you believe in ghosts?

Kinda scary, kinda dull: that's my review in a nutshell of The Conjuring.

It has all the scary tropes:

• "based on a true story"
• big old scary creaky house acquired dirt cheap
• freaky doll 
• young girls
• drop sheets on furniture
• creepy-ass old toys
• dog won't enter house
• flapping sheets
• creaking rocking chairs
• creepy wind chime
• mirrors
• an exorcism

Yes, an EXORCISM. This is an old-school ghost story, weirdly old-fashioned. There is "an insult to the Trinity", upside-down crosses, crucifix necklaces, Latin incantations, and so on.  And after numerous horrific events and a family almost murdered, all it takes in the end to banish the demon is the order "by the power of God I command you to go back to Hell!"  Handy. Could have maybe used that earlier.

It is, however, very atmospheric, and that is three quarters of the success of a good horror movie.

It gets the look of the seventies right. There is lots of brown. There is wallpaper, long floral nighties, girls with long brown hair.

And it's presented as "based on a true story". Yes, sure. As true a story as "The Amityville Horror", I'd say.

The characters are all based on real people, and according to IMDB at least, both the paranormal investigator and the mother portrayed in the story confirm the events are "the real story of what happened to the Perrons during the 10-years they lived in the farmhouse". Wait, what? 10 years?? I think if ANY of the events portrayed in the movie had happened within the FIRST year of living there, you'd have sold up and moved out.

Photo: James Barker/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I have a nostalgic fondness for the paranormal, going back to when I used to believe in most of it as a kid. Telepathy, ESP, out-of-body experiences, divining the future, cryptozoology: I loved and believed in it all. I was undecided (but open-minded) on past lives and ghosts.

I was never sure about ghosts. 

I accepted that maybe ghosts could be real, and some of the beliefs around how and why made sense to me. But I could never quite get my head around some of the things that go with hauntings, such as:

• ghosts appearing in clothes or with accessories (how do the clothes and hats become ghostly?)
• ghosts only appearing with the aid of mirrors or whatnot
• ghosts being able to move objects
• ghostly voices being picked up by tape recorders but not human ears
• why do the lights have to be out during ghost-hunting sessions?

Most people have heard or experienced a "true" ghost story. I've seen people on TV shows tell true stories that clearly still freak them right out, and you can tell they are being honest and they really believe what they saw.  

My husband tells a story of a "ghost" he saw when he was young that his logical mind rejects but he can't explain what he saw.

I have a similar experience, though these days I do not for one single minute believe there was really a ghost.

I was working in a pub in London in the 90's, in an old building in Baker Street. Naturally, it had a resident ghost. I didn't believe in the ghost. I had two experiences with "the ghost", one of which is completely 100% explainable and one of which I can only explain by thinking I am mis-remembering it. Which I am sure that I am. 

The first experience was when I went down to the cellar to change a beer keg one time and I felt a distinct "presence". It was a sense of coldness that moved but seemed contained within itself, like an entity. It wasn't there every time; I only felt it once. It definitely felt like there was someone down there. It was a bit freaky but I know it was really just the way air drafts and temperature can vary in old buildings. Hence why so many of them come with ghost stories!

The second experience was much creepier, and more concrete. While working in the bar with one other person, three beer taps turned themselves on away from where we were both standing. Now that doesn't just happen, and I can still picture it in my mind.  At the time, it confused the hell out of me because I couldn't just dismiss it like I could the feeling in the cellar. But now, twenty years later, this memory doesn't bother me, as I know this event was probably one of these three things: (1) a customer flipped the taps as a prank (even though in my memory I watched them turn on by themselves); (2) the tap or taps were not turned off properly; (3) my memory is wrong and this just didn't happen.

Memory is completely fallible - see here.

There are explanations for all ghost stories - see here.  Naturally, none of these explanations is satisfactory if you really believe in ghosts. 

Our house makes some weird noises, especially at night. It can sometimes sound very clearly like someone is walking down the hallway. At times we have honestly thought one of our kids was out of bed. Neither Y. nor I have ever been freaked out by this (well ok, maybe once we semi freaked out for a second). We know there is no ghost. Our house is an early 70's brick veneer in a fairly new suburb. There has barely been time for anyone to die here. The house has had two owners before us and has a completely humdrum history. It is not built on an ancient burial ground. It does, however, have ducted heating in the floors and evaporative cooling in the ceiling, and it sits slightly crooked in places due to the floors needing re-stumping and an old tree root that has caused some shifting. These are the causes of the noises we occasionally hear - as much like walking people (or ghosts) as they sometimes sound.

My only other ghost "experience" is this. I have felt - definitely felt - a sort of "presence" after someone close has passed away. I felt it after my grandfather died, and my grandmother, and my aunt. It feels kind of like that person is "around" for a short time after their death, and is close to those who knew them. It feels like they can see and hear what is happening for a short time after they have died, before they "move on". 

I am sure this is a very common feeling. It seems to exist in all cultures, and it gives a lot of comfort to the loved ones of those passed.  I am sure this is in our heads - there is an inability to believe that a person so loved, so real and with so much life experience and history, has gone.  Whatever it is, it helps.

But anyway, despite that, these days I have no belief in ghosts. 

Do you?  

Any cool ghost stories to share? Tell me!

An Unscientific Study: Does Wild Wind Affect Kids' Behaviour?

Yesterday here in Melbourne town we had some very wild windy weather. Winds up to 140km/hr hit much of the state causing havoc.

Photo of St Kilda beach, not near my house,
and not taken yesterday. Similar weather though.

In my house some havoc reigned as well, albeit not as serious as those houses which suffered damage- not to make light of that by any means. The kids were unsettled all day, and a little freaked out at night-time when the winds picked up and we put the dog outside. M was frightened poor Harry would "get blown away", and while I assured her that could never happen, it did give me pause for our fluffy little guy for a moment.

Harry attends to the call of the mild

(He was fine, if a little alarmed).



Today I noticed this post from No Excuses! which grabbed my attention thusly:

"When ever there is gale forced winds, children (and animals too) tend to play up big time. They are rowdy, psycho, loud, full of energy and just constantly on the go (more so than normal).  To sum it up in one word they are WILD."


This reminded me that my cousin - who has had kids a bit longer than me and is a wise and practical mum - has always said the same thing, that kids turn rowdy in windy weather. And that, subsequent to her pointing it out, I had noticed the same thing myself. At least I think I have.


Intrigued, I hit Google with "kids behaviour and windy weather" and found quite a bit:

• From the UK Daily Mail, an article from April 2011, "Strike-hit school Governor blames pupil anarchy ... on wind and rain"
• From a Montessori pre-school in Maine, USA, a blog post from October 2011, "Windy Days at School" - which includes this lovely line: "After 5 years of observing children’s behavior I can accurately report windy days= silly days, even in a Montessori classroom"
• a post on the blog of the author of What to Expect When You're Expecting, from August 2011, "Child Behaviour Problems: Rain, Rain Go Away". This post refers to "hot, dry and windy" weather and to a book which posits that "wind can make people psychologically unsettled because it changes the ion content of the air which in turn can effect blood pressure, allergies and a whole host of physical systems "
• Discussion forums on ABC Online, where one person posits that wind represents "tactile, auditory and visual stimulation" and many report the same impact on horses galloping in paddocks on windy days
• Discussion forum on Yahoo Answers, where the best answer referred to ions and chemicals impacting behaviour, and also (I like this a lot): "it is possible that truly windy days bring forth excitement from the child- i am a young adult and the strong winds excite me still as it is unusual and partially scary watching trees bend in odd ways. it may simply be a release of adrenalin"
• Discussion forums on parenting blogs such as Essential Baby
• Personal blog posts by parents, such as this one

So what to think, what to think? Is this a real thing? Or is it a myth, as most serious studies infer is the belief that the full moon influences behavior? (I know many, many people swear it does, but I admit I am not a believer on this one).

Does it sit in myth-busted but much contested territory like the idea that sugar causes kids to be hyperactive?

I am conflicted on some of these beliefs. On the one hand as a respecter of science, I'm not keen to argue with empirical evidence, and you have to listen when multiple studies show no valid causation link. On the other hand, it irks me when the real-world, long-term and consistent experience of mothers and teachers is dismissed out of hand because someone can't replicate it in a lab. That, I believe, happens a little too often.

Does the weather (especially wind) influence behaviour?

Well first, let me look to my own behaviour. There's wind and there's wind. Cold, blustery, rainy windy weather is not my thing, and it does not affect me, other than make me cold and annoyed. But I love hot dry windy days (though I know they're a fire hazard), and I do perk up and feel outdoorsy and energetic in them. As a teenager I remember my sister comparing me to our red setter on a windy day - which was flattering, as you can imagine. But I'll admit the comparison was fair.

Thank you, Microsoft clipart. Not a red setter but close enough.

So I relate to the Best Answer poster in Yahoo Answers and also to the poster on the ABC Science thread who wrote "I'm like a pixie on speed on a windy day".

What about my kids? Well, yesterday on our gusty Melbourne day my kids were a handful, but can I blame the wild windy weather?

A lot had gone on in our house of late. In the last 3 months, the kids have been on an overseas odyssey, I've broken my arm, our work and school routines have changed, and the kids have experienced some of the usual but upsetting schoolyard dramas that inhabit the world of girls.

This past week I had an operation to pin my arm and then was sick. Yesterday was my first day back working (from home thankfully), and it coincided with the Victorian teachers' strike which meant the kids were home too. My mother was on hand to manage the kids so I could work, but it was a strange day. The kids were unsettled and were not used to having me up and about. I had just resurfaced from a weird lost week that began with an operation and two days of drugged-out (blissful) recovery, followed by 3 days of illness, which took me out of our family's action for 6 strange, bedridden days.  The upheaval to our family life had left all of us tired and unsettled.

So... we are a long way from a controlled experiment into the weather's impact on kids' behaviour at my place.  But I'm not ruling it out.

What about you? Does the wind affect you or your kids? Tell me a story!

The Tooth Fairy and Other Necessities

Here is an interesting thing: a story on i09.com called Believing in the Tooth Fairy Can Warp Your Mind claims that children who believe in the tooth fairy, Santa Claus etc experience false memories and supernatural experiences that match their beliefs.

Photo by vauvau via Flickr Creative Commons

Now I am sure that believing in the Tooth Fairy and the rest when you're a little kid serves some very valuable purpose, so is worth the false memory risk. I am just not able to back this up with any evidence. Or detail. Or even a rational theory. But I think it's OK.

The thing is, I believe that where there is a massive, pervasive and long-standing cultural tradition, there is probably a purpose to it. (The Anthropology I majored in at uni all those years ago I guess). I don't mean "If everyone does it then it's OK", and I don't mean "If it's always been done that way then it is right" ...except that maybe I sort of do. In some cases.

I told you I can't back this up.

My very strong opinion is that humans are animals and our culture and everything we have built are all part of our response to our environment just like those of other animals. Other animals have language, culture and built environments too. I think what we build and create is part of nature as much as a beaver dam is part of nature.  And I think that cultural traditions like the tooth fairy, Easter Bunny and Santa Claus probably serve a purpose, in a similar way to how fairy tales and myths and legends serve a purpose (warning, guiding, teaching, etc).

I'm not sure what that purpose is, but I think it's there.

Before I had kids I used to scoff a little at those parents you occasionally hear about who don't do Santa because they don't believe in lying to their children. I love Santa and I love the magic of childhood - but now that I have kids I kind of understand what those parents are talking about. I would never withhold Santa from my young kids, but that doesn't stop me getting a twinge of unease or guilt sometimes over the whole thing. That's despite the firm belief I have that Santa is a good thing and deserves to be celebrated.

I am finding some parallels with religious instruction here. I am an atheist and have been since the age of 13 when I decided not to become 'confirmed' in the Catholic church and angered my (Catholic but not very religious) father with this decision, in one of the few times during my childhood that I stood against my parents on anything.  I am not, however, anti-religion. I don't believe ethics and morality come from religion; they are innate in us and we use religion in part to frame them. I don't believe that religion causes wars - politics and economic pressures do that. I do think we can all agree that extremist religious beliefs of any flavour are awful and oppressive and cause misery. But I also see religion give strength and satisfaction to most people and there is no harm in that.

So with all this in mind, I decided long ago that I would give my kids a mild dose of religion in their childhoods, to allow them into this big part of our culture and it would do no harm. (After all, I could gently steer them towards the "truth" later on, if their own minds didn't get them there first...)
My husband is Greek Orthodox and is that kind of "religious" that most people are - kind of believing in God and some form of gentle love-thy-neighbor religion, goes to church at Easter, but hates the trappings of organised religion.
So our kids were baptised Greek Orthodox and they attend the standard religious instruction at their primary school.

But what I didn't expect was the real discomfort that I feel when they come home from school and ask me (or tell me) about God and Jesus and Heaven. I am struggling a little, and I realise I didn't really think this through. I find myself wishing we had opted them out, though I know my husband would not have wanted that, and even though I still think it's good to give kids some religious exposure so they can understand it and make an informed choice later on. I sometimes just say "yes" to their questions; I sometimes hear myself spouting a proper "religious" response to their religious questions, and sometimes I tell them to ask their teacher. Initially I tried the old "Well, some people believe..." but that was no help. I just got the searching look and "Do you believe it Mummy?" "Sure" I mumbled and quickly changed the subject, hating myself thoroughly. I am always on the lookout for some extreme lunacy in what they're being taught, but so far there doesn't seem to be any of the kind of scary stuff we've read in the papers about the chaplaincy program.

I asked my mum about this and she had a good suggestion: "Just think of it a bit like Santa."
(My mum is not an atheist but she knew where I was coming from.) I am trying to follow that, and not feel like I am misleading my kids or violating their rights by warping them with beliefs that I truly believe are false. (It's not that bad, right?)

So that brings me back to the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and Santa. I am sure that somewhere there is a purpose to these myths, apart from the lovely one of providing some delight and magic for children. Perhaps they are similar to religion, providing a framework for things like ethics (be good!), reward and punishment, the comfort of a powerful all-knowing being looking after you, etc. Maybe they are also for the parents - to remind us of the mystery and magic of childhood and to serve as a metaphor for our jobs to look after and guide our children.

I can't imagine a childhood without the wonder and magic of the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. (I am of course fully aware that plenty of children all over the world do without). I know my kids won't believe in them as long as we did - already at five their minds are working away at it, looking for the inconsistencies and the holes, and asking questions. And I know I'm inconsistent - I won't let them believe in other fairies, mermaids or dragons, however lovely those are. But I guess the important bit is fitting into the culture - you want them to be a part of the big common beliefs, and part of the cultural frameworks, not a crazy person believing in anything that comes their way.

And hopefully not end up as conflicted and self-torturing as their mum!

_____________

I think I overthunk it. I posted the link to the Tooth Fairy story on Facebook and a friend has replied about the Tooth Fairy:
"It is something to look forward to and it stops you from thinking of how disgusting a bloody tooth is and instead of throwing it in the trash you actually get a reward for all the tears."
That's it - it's really that simple!

Superstition

The human brain is wired to be superstitious. I know this not only because I have read it many times, but also because I have proof.

On Saturday night my husband and I had a "date night". Maybe our second in the five years since our girls were born.
Yes, not very impressive, I know. But the novelty made it very exciting.